Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Where is she? I'm ready...oh she's here? Wait, am I re

Wassup people? As always, hoping to find you blessed with this post. Recent inspiration from TQ and other sources has me writing a new post. Now, personal growth comes from brutal honesty with yourself and the honest truth is we are not perfect and some us are just completely out of wack because we don't realize that fact. Example: I had prayed for years for the One to come along and kept saying I'm ready, I'm ready, what's taking so long? Once she came on the scene, first question popped into my head, "Am I ready for this?" The truth is that whatever comes along that the Father sees fit to bring along into your life, you're never ready. If we were, we wouldn't need Him. The focus should really be instead on being impatient and demanding perfection in those around you. Ask yourself, "Am I'm stepping up? Am I providing honesty and agape love to those around me, or am I blaming everyone else for my own problems and unhappiness?" I've realized all those years that I complained about not finding the right woman, I was delaying the right one because I focused on others rather than myself. I know now that if she'd come anytime before now, it wouldn't have worked, He was still wrapping up loose ends and waiting on me to shut some doors. If I had had my way, I'd screw up my chance at true happiness. Thank God I'm not running my own life. The only thing I can control is my choice to either make today a day about letting Him show me what I can do for others or I can sit and complain how things aren't the way I want them. It's your choice. Remember, you're only ready when He deems it so, not when you do. Change your attitude and your latitude changes as well.

I gotta give a shout out to Mr. Green. I've added his blog to my list of links on the side, always good to see positive brothas not only speaking truth but helping others in our community realize it. Keep doin' ya thing, man.

S.o.T.P. : Hesitation by Eric Roberson...a fitting joint for this post....

Next up: soundtrack of my life

I'm out with the quickness....Peace and blessings...

Monday, July 21, 2008

apology letter

Circumstances of today have me reflecting deeply so I thought a twist for today's entry. A few years ago, Congress issued an apology for slavery. Unfortunately, all those who should have been apologized to are dead so a day late and a dollar short as they say. However, women have been, still are and always will be here so I decided to try to capture what good men and those who will be good men one day (if only in their minds) should speak on to the fairer gender. I'm hoping all men can one day cosign on the same sentiment. Hope you enjoy....


First and foremost, we simply ask for forgiveness. We took you for granted from the days of Adam and too many times blamed you for our own shortcomings. It was forgotten so quickly that you are the crown of creation, you were the completion, the last thing the Father created in order to consummate the beginning of nature as we know it. We, as men, saw things completely through the eyes of usefulness and your capability of performing a task rather than, first and foremost, a beauty. There have been others who saw you as only a pretty object to be put on a shelf and ignored for the most part except in instances we desired you for selfish reasons. It was failed to be realized that beneath that excellence lay a soul yearned to be searched and embraced.

You were put into roles of submission beneath men's desires and told to accept your role and love it; given the compliant position without a love and tenderness that we tend to lack when we don't use the example of the Father as guidance. Other times, we left you completely alone to defend yourself against a world that desired to diminish and humiliate you because of jealousy of your position at the pinnacle of creation. You fought the role as father and mother too many times while we went off to satisfy our own egocentric desires. You developed a fear and mistrust that added to your burden of waiting for Him to bring your soul mate. The wall around your heart begin to grow thick and dark, pushing all semblance of compassion to the back to hide in the deepest recesses of your mind.

You have been pursued for a time by some until you were captured and then taken for granted. We failed to realize that you crave to be pursued everyday of your life. You have desired from a young girl to imagine your prince to come one day and represent His love for you. Within each and everyone of you, there lies a desire to not only be seen as beautiful and precious, but also to be needed, to be the only one who can save our lives. We tended to forget that you were removed from our side, fashioned from our rib to be our partner, not from our foot to be our servant. The desire for romance too often was ignored under the guise of "not being practical". Times you just wanted us to make a day of you and remind you that you are the greatest blessing we've ever been given: as our lovers, wives, and mothers.

You have been set against each other by our own personal agendas. Women began to blame each other since they were unable to capture the heart of men who were not worth capturing. We used many of you at one time and told you simply the lie that "that's just how we're made" when it was our own insecurities at the doubt we could be all things for you. What failed to be discovered was a sentiment from so many women for their man, put best by Mary J. Blige: I know you're just a man, but you're all the man I need. Out of frustration, you turned on each other when the blame lies with us.

We will begin to make it up to you. We will accept our roles as fathers and husbands and remember not only to lead our family, but love our family and not to diminish the significance of the statement "my wife and kids". We will see it as "my life and air". We will be faithful and make everyday a day to show you how many ways you have saved our lives. We will accept our shortcomings, give them to the Father to change, and focus on our strengths as He molds us into a complete work. We will search and seek out the depths of your soul and make you our sun and moon. We will protect you from the world as fathers and show you what type of man you should expect to pursue you. We will take your hand and face life's adventures as a team. We will love you unconditionally, hold you in high esteem, and learn you. Forgive us.

Sons of Adam

S.o.T.P.: What a woman really means by Donny Hathaway

I'm out...Peace and blessings....

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Nas "untitled" formerly known as N****r

Wassup people? Hope this finds you well as always. As I mentioned last time, I was going to do the review of Nas' new album for this post after I got a chance to critique it. And we begin.....

1) Queens get the Money: The first track starts off with nice piano melody, setting the mood perfect for the album. It's kind of half a song that introduces what the album will be on. I like this track because Nas states he's back to focus on some real issues, not just making money, which is a refreshing change in hip hop. Rating: 4/5
Hot Line: Hip hop was aborted, so Nas breaths life back into the embryo

2) You Can't stop us now (feat. Eban Thomas from the Stylistics and The Last Poets): This track samples "Message from a Blackman" by the Temptations and gives a survey of black history with various black historical figures from Superfly to Crispus Attucks. I like the lyrics, but this sample has been killed quite a bit. Rating: 3/5
Hot Line: Pyramids to cotton fields to Wrigley fields..

3) Breathe: Very hot beat on this one, although lyrics tend back to his older stuff: ie. getting money and overcoming the hatas.... Ehh. Beat definitely gives this all of it's rating. Rating: 3/5
Hot Line: fresh linen,sip Pelligrino with airs on, they sick mixin' they water with Airborne....

4)Make the World Go Around: This song doesn't do too much for me. Toasting to hustle *yawn* which why it probably features the Game and Chris Brown. Rating: 2/5
Hot Line: I burn so much trees, I keep environmentalists angry

5)Hero: THIS SONG IS HOT! It features Keri Hilson and the beat is fire. Nothing too deep but his delivery is sick. Probably my favorite song on the album. Rating: 5/5
Hot Line: Everytime I close my lids, I still see the borough, I still see the bridge...

6) America: I like the beat and it's a deep song focusing on how America is not really as great and wholesome as we want to think. Rating: 4/5
Hot Line: Too many rappers, athletes and actors, but not enough n***as at NASA....

7) Sly Fox: Hot rock rift over the beat that describes that lovely Fox NEWS channel. As my mother always says: Satan owns FOX. I gotta agree. Rating: 5/5
Hot Line: The only Foxx I love is the Redd one, the only black man that FOX love is in jail or a dead one....

8) Testify: I'm not big on this one, although it starts off pretty funny. It is about whether if I would stand with Nas and testify for him since I buy his songs and understand the struggle. Depends on the trial, I think. Rating: 3/5
Hot Line: I'm loading tefs in my mag, to send these redneck bigots some death in a bag....

9) N.I.*.*.E.R. (The Slave and the Master): I like this song. The focus is to not live down to what America expects of us but to achieve so much more because we've always managed to rise even with our setbacks, many times from our own. Rating: 4/5
Hot Line: This history don't acknowledge us, we were scholars way before colleges....

10) Untitled: Not crazy about this one, although the beat is hot. It contains a sample talking about they couldn't stop Louis Farakhan who we all seem to forget was a part of the conspiracy to kill Malcolm X, how soon we forget. Rating: 2/5
Hot Line: You left full of bullet holes when you tell the people go free...

11) Fried Chicken: I love this song. It's a metaphor about the love affair black folk have with fried chicken and pork even these foods eventually kill us. It's hot and Busta's rhyme about pork is genius. Rating: 5/5
Hot Line: butterflies up in my stomach, when I laid eyes on you or was it infection manifestin', confused over the feelin', impatiently eatin' you, Tricino worm chewin' on the wall of my intestine...

12) Project Roach: LOVE THIS SONG although it's more of an interlude. It has a jazzy beat with the Last Poets showing the nonsense of having a funeral for the word n****r since the mentality never dies. It's compares n****s to the concept of roaches...genius.. Rating: 5/5
Hot Line: We need to have a movement to resurrect brothas and sistas not a funeral for n****s because n*****s...don't.....die......

13) Ya'll my N****s: An intelligent song and I like it focused on how our culture is loved and hated at the same time. Rating: 5/5
Hot Line: marketing companies is hiring blacks, fresh hip hop lingo for your campaign ads....

14) We're not alone: It's a good song, more for the lyrics than the beat and chorus. I like the focus on doing the right things for ourselves and changing our actions to positive ones in our daily life. Rating : 3/5
Hot Line: America's brownin', 20 years from now every town will be brown and latin, an African lookin' Manhattan....

15) Black President: This song samples 2pac's line from " I wonder if Heaven gotta ghetto". It focuses on the idea of actually having a black president (of course Barak). As said before, the idea is appealing, but I'm still wondering if Barak is ready to run this country. He seems he's heading the way of Kerry's campaign where there was a lot of ambiguity in his voting record. More on that later but he's definitely having to walk a tighter line because he is black. Anyway, the song considers what can happen. Rating: 3/5
Hot Line: But on the positive side, I think Obama provides hope and challenges minds of all races and colors to erase the hate.....

16) Bonus Track: Like me: Wack, a pimps and hos song thrown on the end and quite frankly brings down the album on a weak note. Rating: 0/5

Overall Rating: 3.5/5 An overall good album I have to bump it up to a 4 because the garbage that most mainstream artists are coming with, just for Nas to approach the topics on this album shows maturity and depth lacking in the game. I recommend it to all true hip hop heads. I'm out, I'll catch you next time.....Peace and blessings....

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

yung and dumb....

Wassup subscribers? I'm currently studying the new Nas album like I'm doing a thesis on it. The consensus: Nas continues to get better with each new album and all credit goes to S dot for that. He revived the focus and the dormant skills that were displayed so long ago on Illmatic. We'll get to that for another post. My main reason for writing today's blog is the following statement taken from a radio show interview with Yung Berg:

“I’m kinda racist…I don’t like dark butts…You know how some women prefer light skin men or dark skin men,” said the “Sexy Can I” rapper during an interview with radio show “Lip Service.” “It’s rare that I do dark butts – that’s what I call dark skinned women…I [don’t date women] darker than me.”

He then tried to justify later by saying he was being sarcastic on another interview, but then somehow went back on it to say he'd never dated a dark skinned woman but almost in a sense that he had no control over that. Besides the fact, that as a man he's going to go for his and honestly it's all about preference. We all look for what we find beautiful for whatever reasons, some are based on the influence of man, others are inherent. My question is why is that brothas tend to be the only ones to justify it by disparaging black women. Wilt Chamberlain did the same thing stating he didn't like black women, so then someone asked the obvious question, "So you hate your mother and your sisters?" Just the fact that they justify it by pointing out their reasons just goes to show that it's not inherent, it stems from this self hate that continues to this day stemming from this country's history of its viewpoints on black skin. Robert DeNiro, Roger Ebert, and David Bowie, Robin Thicke are all married to black women and many actors have dated black women including Jeff Goldblum, Bill Maher, Chuck Norris and others. Do you think any of them went about disparaging white women and saying the reason they can't mess with them is they're too pale or hair to thin? No, they do it because they want to, there is no agenda. Unfortunately, our men choose to give ridiculous reasons for exclusively dating white women or the lightest skin they can find including one classic fool I heard on NY radio. He said the reason was because she always dinner ready, put his feet in his slippers, turned down his bed, and put his toothpaste in his toothbrush. Just at the sound of that, I'm sure he was no loss to any sistas. The sad thing is, from personal experience, if you're worth that, black women will do it too, but they'll do it for a man taking care of home, not an idiot concerned with playing games. Unfortunately, the statistics show that because of men like that, the 35-45 available black men (single, working or in school and not on drugs or in jail) for every 100 black women means little opportunity for sistas to find a good man.

However, if there is one thing I've learned, is that God never plays the odds and knowing that, one can trust He'll bring the one when you're ready and you'll be more than pleased. In the meantime, those fools who choose to disparage our beautiful women will find themselves regretting it eventually. If you're a black queen waiting, be patient and continue praying. Your time is coming, just prepare yourself in the meantime. Trust me, they are some quality men out there, despite what you may find in the meantime. Hopefully, Yung and others like him will smarten up soon but like one of Nas' songs on the new album says: n***as never die, we just have to revive the brother and sisterhood. Be a part of the revival......

S.o.T.P. : To be Young, Gifted, and Black

I'm out, next time: Nas' album review.....

Peace and hair grease.....

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

don't fear the falling....

Wassup people? As always, hope you're being richly blessed. Today is the day for getting things done and since I've got a great deal done, I decided to throw a blog in. I went home to VA to see the fam this weekend and as always it was a blessing, the older I get, the more I love 'em because I just get refreshed and my get my soul and spirit fed. I come back with a new direction and renewed sense of faith and anticipation for what the Father is doing in my life and those I love. It also doesn't hurt that they have DirecTV (so much better than cable) so I'm able to catch up on my BETJ, the grown folk version of BET (which is so necessary, I mean have you checked out that channel lately, Baldwin Hills, really? We really need a black Hills? The white is awful in itself, let's not copy that nonsense) and thanks to them repeating everything about 70 times over each month I can get my fix. I happened to catch Boris and Nicole (a lovely couple, I know folks love Will and Jada, but B&N have officially taken my top spot, 2nd being Chante and Kenny) and my man Boris was dropping knowledge, which was a healthy change from his usual dropping women's jaws. The interviewer asked them both for advice on relationships and I was glad with both responses. Besides the standard communication, the one that stood out was the acknowledgement that Nicole takes care of her man and Boris takes care of his woman and they both showed no shame in the traditional roles. I think so often, men and women think they will lose their identity when getting into a relationship if they submit to a traditional role. I think this happens because people fall into something not meant for them and they lose themselves.

However, when you truly find that one made for you, I believe you find a piece of yourself that was put there by God in the creation of your soulmate. It will never become apparent until you find that one and begin to give all of yourself to them. Our society has a thing against submission to another, but Christ himself said the greatest has to be a servant to all. We all want power and authority but fail to realize that that involves the enormous sacrifice of being a slave to all and putting all ideas of self to death. A daunting task, to be sure, but necessary for growth and healthy relationships. It's also the fastest way to learn to love others. So the moral of the story: finding the one does not involve losing your identity, but rather realizing another aspect of it and how the Father has formed you and another to be completely in sync. Just be sure that the person is the one for you and release all fear and doubt and trust Him to reveal you to you.

I'm done but before I go, S.o.T.P. : Love is You by Chrisette Michele....

I'll catch you on the flip...peace and blessings as always....

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

how I used to run game....

Wassup people? Hope this entry as always finds you well. Hmm, what's going on in the life....well, I'm happy everyday, enjoying the summer, writing, reading, all night convos, and enjoying life. One of the subjects that have come up came from a recent incident with The Queen (TQ). I think we can all relate to that one person that kind is always in and out of your life for a long time until finally you let that person go. I have mentioned in the past about my own personal burden that I kept trying to turn into a blessing and it just wouldn't fly. It's like the old saying: you can't dress up a pig in a suit and get a man, you just have a pig in clothes. So when TQ got a letter from former mentioned burden and I got the gist of the letter, I was instantly taken back to my days of running game. I'm going to let the ladies in on a secret: now and then, some men figure out the little passive aggressive method of keeping a woman "in love". How does he do this? I shall explain....

1) He comes from a standpoint of wanting to do nothing but do something as simple as spend time with you. This can also be used in the also popular booty call under the guise of " just wanting to hang out". Mmm, hmm, at 3 AM? Ain't nothing open then but waffle house and your place ain't one. In this statement, he's also going to say that he has no intention of any negativity, he doesn't desire to fight or argue or make you feel bad. But wait, he just may have time to do so with.....

2) where he then points out that since he just wanted to spend time, then it must be on your end and you just can't seem to make time for him, thereby making him the pawn in your elaborate scheme to make his world miserable, when remember...all he wants to do is spend time. This leads to the "rant stage"....

3) Here he starts to remind you of all those past moments that you just jerked him around (in his view) when in the past he wanted to make time for you. What he fails to mention is that the reason why you were hesitant in the past is because he made several promises before that and failed to deliver. He's been the salesman for most of your history, always talking about the new product (he's changed, he's different, he's ready to commit) but it's still the same ol' junk. Again, the focus is not on the reason for your "jerking him" around, it's just on your actions.

4) Next, he establishes his feelings and informs you what you can do. "You can call, you can not call, you can get back to me if you ever feel like it..." but whatever you do, his feelings won't ever change (and neither will his triflin' ways).

5) Finally, he will also let make mention of the fact that you can listen to everybody else about him and what to do about him ( he already knows that the people in your life will let you know to drop his petty a** because they truly care about you) but he'll still hold on. This is critical, he tries to convince you are living your life for others and not for yourself because if you weren't you would want him beyond all else: food, water, air...because he's just that hot. Regardless of the fact that your decision is based on sound advice and your innate desire to have something healthy.

If you noticed a theme here, it should be lack of self-responsibility and this works for all types of relationships. One can only change oneself and if they have they will focus on what they will do to improve the relationship. Blame won't come from their end, they will take ownership of their own negative actions. These are the signs of a truly repentant person. To everyone, especially ladies, don't let the other one play the blame game and guilt you into going back. Don't desire drama; a happy relationship is possible, but it only comes with those who desire self-improvement and for that reflect in the health of their relationship. I used to run the guilt game, quite well actually, I played on old emotions and downplayed reason and desire for true happiness. Don't let others do the same to you.

S.o.T.P. : "Only Human" by Jeffrey Osborne A great song, but too common an excuse to give less than your all to someone.

Continue to enjoy the summer....Peace and hair grease....


A star meant for another
a brother that can handle
her white hot
why not me, not for me to know
but for me she's
the brightest in the sky
and her light is all see
be it ever so humble
there's no place
in space that I can be
where her light
doesn't reach me
my first thought is to flee
toward her
avoid her is the second
for fear is getting burned
but I do yearn to embrace
this flame, the same
no man could ever tame
blame can only rest on me
if I get scorched
by this heavenly torch
with views and ideas
that seem to ignite
the old ways like flash paper
her passion will never taper
but can she ignite mine
with my nature so sublime
and content to just relish
and cherish this existence
but looking at her
to think to tempt fate
there's no debate
I have to capture this star

Friday, July 04, 2008

first post for the rest of my life

Wassup people? I'm currently trying to get a lil bit of housecleaning (literally and figuratively) done before I go enjoy my 4th. I started it off right with a visit to the beach yesterday, got a lil burnt, but not too bad and it's worth not having the farmer's tan (not a good look when you're black). I basically sat and enjoyed sun, surf, music and thought. I got some good advice from Ma dukes (my mother) yesterday and I decided that it would be the subject of my post for today.

So Ma basically pointed out one thing yesterday that was quite profound that was right along with my faith in what the Father is doing in my life. "Close doors so others can open". So simple, yet so moving. See the reason that it hit me so hard is plain and simple. I believe I've found the one I will spend the rest of my life with. I know, after all these years of wondering, worrying, doubting and finally believing, she's here. When something like that happens, the first thing I desired was to shut my past for good and so far many things are happening in my life that is allowing for closure on different fronts. There are a few that I still have yet to take action to make it known that with certain someones, there is no future for us, regardless of what happens in either of our lives, including those that are under the guise of "friendship". Now from surface level, this looks rather hasty to some and heartless to others. However, one is evident: I can't be all I need to be for her (and ultimately Him) if I'm trying to please all others. I have had a bad habit of being nice in the past to spare feelings, only realizing that I delayed the inevitable and hurt them more from lack of stepping up and being honest and fair.

Will this process be easy? By no means, already I've had to be point blank with some who I was not fair to because I held on to "backups" not realizing with God, there is no Plan B. Plan A was always there and I just had to be patient to wait. So essentially, this is it, the first day of the rest of my life in a sense. No more doubt and games, no pain or fear, no random women walking in and out of my life, no setups (thank goodness, I love all who tried, but He always had a better plan) and finally no more melancholy patience of being thankful for His love and presence but hoping for that manifestation of that love in the flesh. She's here.....

S.o.T.P.: "Last First Kiss" by Tamia

Blessings to all and know as always, if I know you, I'm praying God's best for your life.....

And as always one from the archives, finally I can honestly see why I wrote this long ago....

Settled Down

It's been a while
the worth was evident
in that span of time
I still write rhymes
but better than with you
nothing personal, what turned into
an ended romance
gave me the chance to find her
all those thoughts scribed
that never seemed to catch your vibe
she feels me emotionally, not physically
all we seemed to have
it wasn't bad, just unfulfilling
the feeling with her is unique
my interest piqued from the start
cultivated to affection and caring
sharing deep thoughts intensely
helping immensely to see
that love grow inside of me
and now I look at her
with an ache in my heart
so anxious to find ways
to start to show my depth for her
and help her reach the an epiphany
of all inside me
when I say I love her
I think of you and me
but comparison is without merit
she's all I've ever wanted
you to be, I just had to see
that God was teaching
that you can't change second to first
verse by verse
he was writing her song
for me

you and I had great moments
but we have a great lifetime
she's all mine, I can't lie
I don't deserve her
preserve her trust in me
is priority
so I pray for the best
and you're blessed with one
as special as she is to me...