Sunday, September 07, 2008

what about my needs?

Wassup people? Hope the end of summer was good for you and the fall season is bringing good things. School is on point, keeping me busy, but I feel productive at the end of everyday so that's got to count for something. With all my productivity, I haven't had a lot of time to stay up on the blogs.  I was also looking for something to write about and I've been inspired by other blogs and current events but one in particular had me doing the typical "That's my next blog" exclamation and I had to thank Mr. Green for it. (Check the latest entry: why do men cheat for the article)

It's called "Why men have affairs". They give various reasons from neglect to frigidity  and everything in between. The start of the article begins with a man and his story of how he and his wife rebounded from his affair. In essence, he explains that they wrote down all these things that they desire from the other other in a relationship and they give their all to satisfy that list. I liked the idea and, as with anything, relationships are different for different people. Although, I can say this, if one believes in universal morals, then it one can agree that deception in a marriage, or any partnership for that matter, can never be healthy. Adultery destroys marriages, plain and simple. 

After reading the reasons given by the men, I first thought of one response...what would the women say? Would they talk about how their husbands never touch them except when they want sex? Would they state how he never talks to her anymore except about mundane necessities that focus on responsibilities and bills? Would she mention how these younger days where they discussed the future and exciting hopes and dreams seem so far gone and left behinda coldness? A wise person once said that there are three sides to every story: his side, her side and the truth. In other words, it's all perspective and never does the blame line on just one person's shoulders, maybe most, but never all.

How did these people get to these points? The theories are endless, but my own two cents are what we'll focus on since it is my blog. :o) First, human beings are selfish. We are focused on ourselves by nature, in a sense, it's survival. However, just because something is natural, it doesn't make it right. Many have professed that monogamy is unnatural, but I believe it was at the beginning of creation, however,  in the current state of mankind's soul, it takes worth to be faithful. With all the distractions in this world, we tend to focus on what I want, what do I need?This carries over into marriages where each spouse says he/she doesn't do this anymore, they don't care about what I want, but just imagine what it would be if both spouses worked on being selfless: what does he/she need from me? How can I represent the love God has for us to my spouse? We also have the tendency to treat others the way they treat us but imagine what it would mean if we first took the step to give ourselves regardless of how the others treat us? Obviously, this doesn't apply for seriously unhealthy relationships where abuse is taking place; in those instances, it's best to get out of it ASAP.

Second reason: a painful fact is that I don't believe most people are married to who they were they were meant for. This arises from that selfishness and fear once again. What if I don't find someone? What if this is my last option? What if I'm too picky? What if I'm alone for the rest of my life? So we settle, we look for someone who will keep the other side of the bed ward. Here's a nickel's worth of free advice: never settle. If you are in tune with God and seeking Him on hat to desire in a mate, then have faith that He has began a good work is faithful to complete it. Don't base it on society, friends, or even family. Seek Him first and He'll give you not only what you want but what you need. I've had plenty of moments where I wanted to stay with someone that everyone said was good for me, but my spirit wouldn't give a peace about it. If I had tried to convince myself that those women were good for me, I'd be working 5 times as hard at a relationship to make it a good one. Is it impossible? No, but why make life harder? Lord knows it already is.

Why do men cheat? The same reason everyone does something wrong, we can't look past ourselves and our own desires and we're all guilty of that in some way or another; men and women. Look outside of yourself and do the right thing.

S.o.T.P.: "Guess who I saw today" by Chante Moore

I'm out....Peace...