Sunday, January 28, 2007

growing up or growing old, how long does it take?

It's been a minute so I apologize. Figure it's a jazz/emo rock kind of day with the cloudy Sunday afternoon so I'm quite pensive today. It's been a real busy week so I had little time to think about things, which for me is sometimes a good thing. I had to do a state of the soul address last night on a few things. After a few discussions with different people this week, it's become apparent that growing up is hard to do. The first on everyone's list of accomplishments: patience. Been guilty so many times of wanting what I want when I want it. I just want to have a dream and I see my life six months from now to see where I stand with all aspects of my life so I can know I'm making the right decisions now. Unfortunately, we don't have that luxury, but I have started to learn the painful lesson of enjoying the moment. Realize that right now, things are a blessing and I the people in my life for all their weaknesses and areas of growth, they are bringing to my life something that truly no one else could because they are just who I need to grow and be encouraged. I can only hope they feel the same way. The crux of the problem is me, suprise. It's hard to mature and put away old silly thoughts and emotions that came out of fear of people and the future. Old habits die hard when they are formed from years of trusting with eyes wide shut and walking into situations that had bad signs from the jump. Question is, how do you know bad signs from signs that are areas of growth in someone? How do you know things will get better and that trust will build and remain? Well, since I can't and I can't shut people out completely, I've learned to enjoy the day. Enjoy the moment and write on it when possible. Embrace life for what it is now, not for what it could be......sometimes things are a little too true to say all the time......I'm out.

Monday, January 08, 2007

moving on....when do you know it's real?

Wassup people? Hope the new year started well and continues to be for all of you. It's been a great start to mine continuing in the spirit of the end of last year. To all who have contacted me in the past two weeks, you're in my thoughts and forgive me for being lax on getting back to you. Those close to me know I've been caught up with tasks of the mind and heart and I apologize more my mini falloff. I will try this year to keep my people close to me as possible.
Since my music acquisition has fallen as of late (should be soon remedied with the drop of the new Mos Def and Talib's Eardrum soon to come) the topic slides to my other favorite pastime, figuring the head and heart. I'm wondering if anyone can relate to that feeling of looking back on the relationships in the past and knew they were not worth reminiscing over and are just going to put you in a place of frustration and bitterness but some part of you wishes it had worked? Is it that part of us that feels like we failed at something in our life and desire a second try or is it really the person? I doubt it's the latter, because looking back on that situation and thinking of the good times, you realize that they were few in comparison to the frustration and unfulfilled promises. Classic example is the song by Whitney "Why does it hurt so bad" where she goes through all the things that are good now that she's gone and the relationship is over and how great life is, and yet she's still feeling bad and crying when there is no real love there. Could it be rejection of someone, failure on our own part that we couldn't accomplish the task of a happy relationship, is it the emotional investment that you feel that you leave with somebody when they're gone, or all the above? All I do know, is it's bad to rock the rainy day playlist at 1 AM on the Itunes. It goes crashing down memory lane in a bulldozer and you know that can't be good. From now on, it's only hip hop after midnight. Peace.....