Sunday, June 29, 2008

Seasons change....

Hello people, hope this post finds you well as always. Just got back to the "G" after visiting the family in VA. We had a E Coli scare in the water so I bounced outta town rather than boil all my water for two days. It's always nice to be home, I'm trying to enjoy these times because I have a feeling in the future, I'll have to really dedicate time to planning family visits. So just getting away to spend some time with the fam before I go through some anticipated major life changes is a blessing.

So a few things on the mind today. I got to watch a little of Hip-Hop vs. America II this weekend on BET. Nothing really new on that front, I'm up to here with the whole discussion on misogyny in hip hop and looking to point fingers. Honestly, each one of us points it at ourselves. Everyone is equally at fault and the funny thing about blame, it makes no difference until the one at blame is convicted of it and here's the kicker: I can't do a thing about the recipient of that blame if it's someone else. There's an old saying: you can't change anyone but yourself and that's what I'm going to do. Am I part of the problem? Yes, I can say in the past I've bought music that degraded women, but from the moment I decided to see people through God's eyes, that desire for that music began to wane. Have I come across women who have done some disrespectful things to themselves and others? Of course, and best believe, I avoided relationships with those people. Does that classify her as a bitch or a ho? Who am I to say? I'm not her judge. I can say that for a man who sees a ho, I see a woman without a male influence in her life to show her the worth and value that God has placed in her from creation. It's so easy to look at the outside and write people off society's "it" list; believe me, I'm chief of those who've done it, but what is life but the opportunity to grow and learn? And I'm learning that we tend to blame those for not measuring up to some standard that we feel they should meet in this time of their life, but honestly how could any of us do that for everyone. I belongs to each of us to make that choice for our lives to be a testament to what you can attain and accomplish when you put Him first and love others as you love yourself. So my conclusion to the misogyny in hip hop? I'll teach my daughters what a wonderful creation they are and to remind them they are the temple of God and since He dwells within, respect your temple. I'll teach my sons to be gentlemen, respect a young lady and realize they represent man's other half, we're not complete without them and see them through His eyes. You'd be surprised when you take an honest look at yourself and realize the depth of His love for you; it humbles and challenges to let your life express that to others.

Second thing on my mind, to just offer encouragement to all. I'm of the frame of mind that all of us have one made for us to complete us and until that day comes we are to prepare for that person to come. If you're doing that, don't be discouraged, your king or queen is coming. Don't feel that you have to do anything in the natural, God needs no help, He's got you. Even now, I'm thankful that every detail of my life is planned by divine Hands not by my own limited sight and fickle nature. Be patient, your ship is coming. In the meantime, enjoy the sound of the breeze through trees, a baby's laugh, the first sight of sunshine when you get up, the first bite of your favorite meal, a happy voicemail with good news, it's the little things that make it worth facing the scary uncertain days in life.

S.o.T.P.: "Love is all around" by Adriana Evans; a beautiful song and very fitting of the post. Hope you all have a wonderful week and always if I know you, you're in my prayers....Peace and blessings....

Black Pearl

my world, a nubian girl
a black pearl I found
her speech deep and profound
from a people ancient to this earth
but it's a first
beach she speaks of joyful things
that bring a song to my soul
I lose control of my emotions
when she holds my hand
and I've reached the promised land
when I hear her laugh
as it pours mirth into my dry body
and it runs out in the form of affection
a faint detection, of angels singing
my thanks be to God for bringing
me to her and her to me
who knows if we'll ever see
God's plan and understand his motives
but all I offer is thanksgiving
to Him and to you to be true
to my deep emotions for you
and to respect and revere,
for you come from kings and queens
from Sheba to Solomon
a lot of men crave for you
but for some strange reason
you choose me, far be
it from me to question you
to allow me into your world
where sunset and sunrise rule
and laughter is never cruel
a soul sista with an eloquence
my recompense for a weary world
I have found in you
Black pearl....

Monday, June 23, 2008

The U.S. is the best greatest country in history....

Wassup folks? Interesting title I know, I happened to catch one of my favorite shows "The Soup" on this weekend and they showed a clip of Sean Hannity, one of Fox News tools of choice, saying how the U.S. was the best greatest country in the world. Besides the obvious horrible choice of adjectives, I really just rolled my eyes as whenever I hear Hannity say anything but then he said something that bothered me. As always, a conservative uses the cloak of "religion" to throw out that "America is the best country that God ever blessed the world with in history". Really, Sean? Not the fact that Rome established a great deal of the government ideals that we "think" we invented, Greece gave us many concepts of science that weren't recognized in Europe for hundreds of years after they had waned, Israel is essentially responsible for the three major religions, Asian and African empires established complex trade routes and kingdoms when men in Europe were crawling around in caves, and yet America is the greatest country that God has ever blessed the world with? I know that since it's Fox News, they make outrageous claims for ratings and I'm not saying it's any different from CNN and liberals saying outrageous "scientific" and "statistical" claims to push their agenda as well. I know both sides go to the extreme, what I have a problem is when they bring God into anything. Don't sully the Father's name to sell something; it's despicable.
This is the same U.S. born out of rebellion to simply higher taxes and suddenly we were this idealistic country? England was not killing or enslaving Americans, although Americans were. Simply, a bunch of rich white landowners got tired of paying their taxes so we have a country. This is the same country that is responsible for manifest destiny, deaths of millions of Native and African Americans, the country that invented the atomic bomb, the Tuskegee syphilis experiments, deaths of government agents from LSD experimentation, Jim Crow laws. The same country that is discriminating when it comes to bringing "liberty and democracy" to certain countries and not others (consequently in countries that we seem to vested interests in hmmm). Let's just leave it at this, I'm blessed despite of this country, not because of it. Not saying it's any worse than any other. All countries are made up and run by people and people are capable of the pinnacle of achievement and philanthropy and also the most wicked and selfish acts that are almost unspeakable. Knowing that, it lies to each man and woman to look in their hearts and decide which they will dedicate their life to. My choice, I choose to leave this world a better place than what I was born into and that includes my country.

S.o.T.P.: Inner City Blues (Make Me wanna Holla) by Marvelous Marvin Gaye

New Verse:

Stimulating, scintillating
sweetheart you're amazing
as I watch you disrobe
all pretensions, apprehension
to display your soul bare
I'll take care to do it slow
to make sure as I go
deep into your mind
to delve into your thoughts
and dreams, it seems
that I can go on forever
although you push my stamina
to the limit
being so intimate
it blows me away
to work your mind
from behind the walls set up
from years of mistrust
but I'll thrust
into your soul
and see your spirit whole
and it's pure and life giving
who needs 12 play
I have play 365
everyday I feel more alive
from what I'm discovering in you
now I'm recovering from our moment
because we did it all fully clothed
with naked souls
just spooning with fingers intertwined
the connection was all between our minds
we climaxed, now relaxed
from our union...

Friday, June 20, 2008

nothing like family....

People, I have never been so tired and so content at the same time. After a bit of a short night of sleep (which is happening quite frequently, let's just say as the days go by, I crave Houston :o) ) I was able to get up and play some ball which just gets me in the right frame of mind, releasing endorphines and the like. Then, I was finally able to hit the links for 18 holes of golf this afternoon. I had a decent game, got my first par hole on the 8th ever. I'm getting better, but my putting game needs work. As they say, "drive for show, putt for dough".
So the title of the piece refers to my sister. She's one of the few who I know can rival my depth of thought and I know that although she's not saying much, she's got wisdom stewing inside that mind that up until recently, I had not known the extent of. Her blog I had recently began reading and she's got that witty thing down pat. Many of her posts have inspired me with new ideas for future ramblings in my own. I was just talking about how for so long and even now and then today, I still see her as that little three year old girl with cheeks to hide a years worth of gumballs and her toothy smile and pretty brown eyes rockin' a snazzy cosby sweater and corduroys. Now she's a young lady with dreams, thoughts, sarcasm, empathy, and discernment. For all those with older siblings, I tell you the truth, we'll always see you as that little kid, just with all this well rounded depth. Shout out to you Steph, :o) and hope I didn't blow up your spot too much.

I have to pass on some wise words passed to me. I paraphrase as I say this and add my own spin on it ,but it's wonderful truth nonetheless. I think we throw the word love around way to casually these days, which is evident by the fact that we mention every time we talk about shoes, a TV show, a song, a plate of chicken or flavor of instant pudding. The real thing, however, is so far beyond a passing fancy or an chemical response. It's built by getting to know a person, desiring to know how their day went, the patience of wanting to jump right into the physical, the realization that you're not the same but you complement each other, it works through problems with the right person and doesn't run from the adversity, it's being devoted to someone to the point you'd give your life for them without hesitating, it's giving your life daily for them as you put their needs above your own, it's not jealous but secure in what it's built. Love doesn't lie, it doesn't say "what about me", but it does recognize itself. If you don't see these things, maybe love isn't there and you got to wait for it. It's a great guideline to make sure what you're building with someone is real or just temporary. I'm finally realizing this and it's only taken me almost 30 years, better than late than never. Well, it's on time, it really is. :o)

In honor of the two topics, it's a two for one special on the S.o.T.P. First, "Isn't she lovely" by the personification of music, Stevie Wonder to my sister and the second, "This time it's love" by Tamia because I think we all hope for that. Your time is coming, best believe. With that, I'm out. Be blessed and enjoy the weekend.....

Ok, I can't leave without another one, you know this :o)

Pen to pad
pressed and ink flows
with poetry and symphonies
from what used to be silence
try this, sitting in the dark
and a light turns on
I grew fond of the idea
of answering to you
taking a chance with you
seeing if a love affair with you
could grow from a crush
built on the notion
that I could fill your heart
not tear down the walls
just make a door to start
part my way through the apprehension
and the tension, just cool relax
and then it happened
circumstances beyond my control
it was my breath you stole
and then my heart
and now I lay down my life
and my being, seeing
you are the lock to my key
that opened a world
that was only meant for Saturday
matinees, not reality
in this cynical world
but like a flower, you were unfurled
and now I believe
in weak knees and poetry
and daydreams of marriage things
and longing of you next to me......

Thursday, June 19, 2008

turning the corner....

I know, I'm trippin' myself about it, two days in a row and I'm blogging? What can I say, things are just happening, which is ironic considering that I have done little this summer. Today alone was one of those days that I can look back on and can honestly say it was a day that will stand out in my past. Today I decided to get out of the way of a lot of people in my life and let them find their happiness, some went well, others not so well, but it was so necessary. I have been claiming now for the past couple years that this year that I turn 30 will be significant and to say it has is an understatement. Knowing that, I had to make a lot of changes to set up for a wonderful future and so God in His patience and goodness gave me the courage to do it. I have to say this, there are so many of us out there where we keep people in our lives because we're afraid to let them know that your season in their life is over. Don't be afraid, we have at so many times a death grip on the past and the way things used to be. That's why people go through midlife crises, thinking they are losing something. We're not losing anything, we're beginning a new thing, everyday and the past is over, it's done. We have to leave it there.
I have this strong love for sad love songs. For the longest, it was because I liked to reminisce about the past and get into my High Fidelity mode (for those who don't know, check the movie). Well, that time is gone. Holding on to anything or even reminiscing about the good times can be dangerous if it affects your outlook on tomorrow. Simply look back on those times for affirmation that there are so many more to come.
So the moral of this story: I'm moving on to bigger and better things. I would just say to those that I'm parting from, it's not a left behind situation, it's a fork in the road and may your road lead you to all the Father has for you and forgive me for my mistakes and know that I'm growing just like anyone. S.o.T.P., it's a throwback: Yearning for your Love by Guy (before Blackstreet, there was Guy, oh yes) Peace and blessings.....

Oh, still playing with new verse, but I figured I'd put another one down since it was a good reception from last time.

Your voice pours out and I'm moved
your smile flashes and I'm through
a princess with wisdom and intellect
I collect your being in every way I can
you relax me with your disposition
and I'm put into submission
without realizing you've stolen my heart
you played the part of a queen
without intent, and not on purpose
but with you it's destined to surface
because it's intertwined with your being
I've now captured Adam's feelings
when first he laid eyes on Eve
to conceive a woman like you
your parents are more than blessed
beyond any standard set
to decipher all your subtleties
to smell your scent in my memories
pure ecstasy in just holding you
molding my body to your own
on the phone molding my mind in kind
knowing in due time our souls, minds, and bodies
will be intertwined as one
fully clothed but naked souls
sharing all that God has put on our hearts
so that when we're apart
I carry your way with me....

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

the list....

Wassup subscribers? What can I say, life is good. I should be getting my stimulus check this week, thanks Georgie, now you can leave office. I wasn't able to go golfing today as planned, so it was moved to Friday. I've found out my first round of qualifiers is a go in September so I'll be setting up a schedule this weekend to study for those. Day by day, I get more excited to get to Houston, which I'm considering the highlight of a fun and productive summer. Plans for the 4th are tentative, but I think they'll involve a group of friends watching fireworks at the beach. Ahh, those are the times I wish I wasn't single. :o) I'm thinking it should be fun. What can I say more than I'm just blessed and for this summer, I'm realizing it and enjoying every moment in every sense.

I used to say that life would be great if it wasn't for people....well, I retract that statement (possible sign of growth?). When you start to see people they way the Father does, you start to realize that we're all at different points in our life and we do funny things to ourselves. I'm really at this point in life coming to the realization of each moment is a blessing whether working or not. People in your life are sometimes there for a season and others for a lifetime and I just am trying to learn from them and being there to give them whatever He would have me give. I don't know if something just clicked now or what, but it's like right before 30 I've realized two things:

1) I know so little about what life has in store and there is so much to learn

2) I can't wait to learn it

Now to the title of this piece...

A close friend of mine gave me the idea of putting together a list of what I'm looking for in a woman and after all this time, I realized I've never done it. So I've set myself to accomplish this task. Now, I'm not going to put all the attributes here especially since as all my female friends have told me I'm very picky (no argument there) but I will point out the highlights.
1) She's got to have the Father's love shine through her so bright that people notice by just walking by her. A caring soul that just gives all of herself and is working on improving her walk with Him and her relationships with everyone around her. Always seeking to better herself.
2) A beautiful woman that carries herself well, intelligent, sophisticated but not pretentious, she doesn't curse or disparage other people (none of that "b**** get on my level" nonsense), she just commands respect when she walks in a room.
3) She's well read, can talk about politics, religion, music, history, art, love, human nature and a myriad of subjects. Not that she has to know everything but knows a lil somethin'.
4) All past baggage has been dealt with from former relationships whether romantic or family. Also, ideally both her parents are still together and she has a good relationship with her father. In all my dealings, I've realized any other way has not been able to work for me. Father issues must be resolved in order to have a healthy relationship with a man.
5) A woman who's willing to make her family her priority just as I will. A partnership that involves different responsibilities but equal importance. I know I may make some ladies mad but it's personal choice, but ideally a woman who is willing to make being with the children priority. I understand circumstances don't always allow for that, but if they do then that would be my desire.
6) She's gotta love music.... I mean good music and a variety. I'm always reminded of "I think I love my wife" and the girl that Chris Rock is messing around with says he has N**** ears. I can't have that. Yes, hop hop and soul are my first loves, but there is so much good music not made by black artists, I can't ignore it. A big red flag for me is someone who's idea of music is loving everything on the radio, who thinks the "Now that's what I call music" series is great, or who goes and buys everything that wins a Grammy (worst music awards show ever, next to the source awards).
7) She's willing to build with me and be faithful to me as I to her and to go about building a family legacy; not so much in terms of wealth but influence in changing the world through our children, grandchildren and so on.

There are many more, but that scratches the surface. This list has always been there, but I'm finally setting about to writing it out. To get to this point, I had to go through so many relationships and dating experiences and walk away from those who were almost perfect but not for me. No easy task and there has definitely been pain along the way, but I had to realize I was taking someone else's blessing by settling. So the list has helped me give an idea of how I'll know her when He sends her.

On that note, the S.o.T.P., a classic, "slowly surely" by Jill Scott. A soulful classic from a classic album chronicling the search for true love. Enjoy and I'll holla at you all later. Peace and blessings.......

Oh, also wanted to post some old verses, I'm finally getting inspiration to write anew after a year and some change, so this is to commemorate a new chapter.

Incredible, intangible,
delectable, your soul has pull,
to bring me into your world,
a woman, and yet a girl
with dreams, aspirations
no small temptation
to fall fast for you
the soul of a queen
in a modern casing
not basing
my attraction on the physical
although I can not lie it is appealing
but you're revealing
so much more than a pretty smile
with style and grace
I need to chase
this butterfly
and those inside
I feel when I hear your voice
and ending I can not find
for this rhyme or reason
for seasons I could write
about all that's in my head
but time will tell
the spell you have cast on me
and release all inside my mind

Monday, June 16, 2008

ain't life funny....

Wassup people? Happy father's day to those of you are soon to be fathers or are there taking care of home. Know that a father's job goes far beyond bringing home a check, but involves being the protector, the advice giver, a hearing ear, one who uplifts and challenges his children and is their model for how the son should act as a man and for a daughter for what type of man she should seek. A steep job, to be sure, but I know that when the time comes, the example of my father and my heavenly Father will be a wonderful template.

So after last night, my cathartic moment of release when I realized that I deserve a woman who gives as much as I do after being in a situation where I gave it all and she gave it little; a funny thing happened on the way to tonight. That young lady gave me a ring. Now, I've a problem with being firm in my stance, I dislike the idea of having a rift between me and any person and I crave a solution and pleasant situation between me and anyone from my past, especially those I was romantically involved with at one time. Why? Who knows? I'm too nice. So we spoke and I'm at that point thinking, "I'm completely over her, I'm good, I just want her to find the best things in life meant for her," and then the bombshell comes. I, the good ol' backup, was asked to be a fill in in case of necessity in a traveling excursion in four months. Now, the sad thing was after not hearing from her except once every couple of weeks, I considered it! I know, pitiful, but I just said I wasn't sure if it could be afforded. I just couldn't stomach the thought of being the justin case guy. The ideal on paper for the young professional black woman with limited hopes of finding a good man. Ladies, from one who knows first hand, there is one for each and every one of you, but please be patient. Don't use those who are good stand-ins if the real thing never comes. It's not fair to them or you. Wait for your king as I wait for my queen. It ain't easy, I know, but the option of being with a woman I can't truly love and embrace life with her by my side is just as depressing, no matter the delay. I just can't be that seat filler until the real thing comes along anymore and I can't do that to another woman in my own life while I wait for my soulmate. Maybe it was the reason this had to happen....for me to realize it. Infatuation aside, love is patient and waits for the right one to come along, don't sell out for a cheap forgery.

S.O.T.P. is very appropriate; one of my many favorites: 'Painkiller' by Eric Roberson of the album "The Appetizer". "Guess I'm her tylenol, only time she calls, is when her nights are cold and her heart is feelin' low....." So true.....

Saturday, June 14, 2008

just to keep you satisfied....

Wassup people? Hope this blog finds you enjoying the summer. I am to the fullest, my trip was wonderful, and I have two, possibly three, more planned before it's back to the grind in the fall. One of the reasons that this summer, well this year have been so significant because I'm learning so much from things in the past and what they meant and why they took place. It's also amazing how God can bring those into your life who you just slip into a role of seeming to know you all your life. The people closest to me are revealing so much that it can only be by divine Providence that they have been placed in my life.

One thing brought to mind from the past that came up in discussion a few nights ago was the hold someone had on my mind and heart so long ago. For lack of a better word, I was sprung, whooped, tied around a finger, so blinded by these emotions that I couldn't think straight. In a way, I think it was a reaping/sowing situation. I'm not afraid to say that my past is checkered with situations and relationships that one loved more than the other and I was the receptor of the greater emotion. For so long I had figured that one could love enough for both, but I was wrong, in either situation. So because I was sprung, I put up with fear, dishonesty, doublemindedness, and the constant promise of change until one day she was gone. I sat there wondering what had happened and how she could do that and it affected every relationship since even allowing me to start a long, serious one before I had resolved my issues with that former situation. Even went back to trying it again recently early this year and I realized something. Chemicals are a mother....that seretonin can have you high as a kite thinking love and marriage is fate with a person. Once they hurt you, though, you start to examine the situation with the rose colored glasses off. I realized that I was involved with a selfish, self-absorbed person who's only reason for wanting me in her life was the vision of the IBM: Ideal Black Man, but here's the thing: what's on paper never translates to love. It helps and can lay the foundation, but it's that certain intangible, the tip of your tongue quality that can't quite be named, the je ne sais quoi that has you coming back for more even though you could never illustrate it to your friends. I was in a situation where the chemicals were preventing me from seeing that all we talked about was her, she never asked about me, just a simple "how is your day?" Those moments to talk were simply only the times I heard from her and when it was me who needed someone, she wasn't there. Realize that you need someone who is willing to sacrifice their time for you and give their life for yours. Those situations where folks feel they have to wait around for someone to "get right" are really pointless. Let them go, work on you, and if they come back, then it's meant to be. If not, know that the time you put in to dedicate to being someone better will pay off in the form of meeting your soulmate. I realized just letting go of the past my mistakes and the pain I've caused others and the pain they've caused me has opened the path to letting my queen walk in one day. I'm eager for that day, but in the meantime the ability to finally put the past to rest is wonderful.

On the music tip, I've decided to start posting songs of the post for future enjoyment. Hope you can enjoy. In honor of the post, the inaugural S.O.T.P. is : "Just to keep you satisfied" by Marvin Gaye, a classic.....

Embrace the day....I'm out... Peace....