Friday, July 04, 2008

first post for the rest of my life

Wassup people? I'm currently trying to get a lil bit of housecleaning (literally and figuratively) done before I go enjoy my 4th. I started it off right with a visit to the beach yesterday, got a lil burnt, but not too bad and it's worth not having the farmer's tan (not a good look when you're black). I basically sat and enjoyed sun, surf, music and thought. I got some good advice from Ma dukes (my mother) yesterday and I decided that it would be the subject of my post for today.

So Ma basically pointed out one thing yesterday that was quite profound that was right along with my faith in what the Father is doing in my life. "Close doors so others can open". So simple, yet so moving. See the reason that it hit me so hard is plain and simple. I believe I've found the one I will spend the rest of my life with. I know, after all these years of wondering, worrying, doubting and finally believing, she's here. When something like that happens, the first thing I desired was to shut my past for good and so far many things are happening in my life that is allowing for closure on different fronts. There are a few that I still have yet to take action to make it known that with certain someones, there is no future for us, regardless of what happens in either of our lives, including those that are under the guise of "friendship". Now from surface level, this looks rather hasty to some and heartless to others. However, one is evident: I can't be all I need to be for her (and ultimately Him) if I'm trying to please all others. I have had a bad habit of being nice in the past to spare feelings, only realizing that I delayed the inevitable and hurt them more from lack of stepping up and being honest and fair.

Will this process be easy? By no means, already I've had to be point blank with some who I was not fair to because I held on to "backups" not realizing with God, there is no Plan B. Plan A was always there and I just had to be patient to wait. So essentially, this is it, the first day of the rest of my life in a sense. No more doubt and games, no pain or fear, no random women walking in and out of my life, no setups (thank goodness, I love all who tried, but He always had a better plan) and finally no more melancholy patience of being thankful for His love and presence but hoping for that manifestation of that love in the flesh. She's here.....

S.o.T.P.: "Last First Kiss" by Tamia

Blessings to all and know as always, if I know you, I'm praying God's best for your life.....

And as always one from the archives, finally I can honestly see why I wrote this long ago....

Settled Down

It's been a while
the worth was evident
in that span of time
I still write rhymes
but better than with you
nothing personal, what turned into
an ended romance
gave me the chance to find her
all those thoughts scribed
that never seemed to catch your vibe
she feels me emotionally, not physically
all we seemed to have
it wasn't bad, just unfulfilling
the feeling with her is unique
my interest piqued from the start
cultivated to affection and caring
sharing deep thoughts intensely
helping immensely to see
that love grow inside of me
and now I look at her
with an ache in my heart
so anxious to find ways
to start to show my depth for her
and help her reach the an epiphany
of all inside me
when I say I love her
I think of you and me
but comparison is without merit
she's all I've ever wanted
you to be, I just had to see
that God was teaching
that you can't change second to first
verse by verse
he was writing her song
for me

you and I had great moments
but we have a great lifetime
she's all mine, I can't lie
I don't deserve her
preserve her trust in me
is priority
so I pray for the best
and you're blessed with one
as special as she is to me...