Saturday, June 14, 2008

just to keep you satisfied....

Wassup people? Hope this blog finds you enjoying the summer. I am to the fullest, my trip was wonderful, and I have two, possibly three, more planned before it's back to the grind in the fall. One of the reasons that this summer, well this year have been so significant because I'm learning so much from things in the past and what they meant and why they took place. It's also amazing how God can bring those into your life who you just slip into a role of seeming to know you all your life. The people closest to me are revealing so much that it can only be by divine Providence that they have been placed in my life.

One thing brought to mind from the past that came up in discussion a few nights ago was the hold someone had on my mind and heart so long ago. For lack of a better word, I was sprung, whooped, tied around a finger, so blinded by these emotions that I couldn't think straight. In a way, I think it was a reaping/sowing situation. I'm not afraid to say that my past is checkered with situations and relationships that one loved more than the other and I was the receptor of the greater emotion. For so long I had figured that one could love enough for both, but I was wrong, in either situation. So because I was sprung, I put up with fear, dishonesty, doublemindedness, and the constant promise of change until one day she was gone. I sat there wondering what had happened and how she could do that and it affected every relationship since even allowing me to start a long, serious one before I had resolved my issues with that former situation. Even went back to trying it again recently early this year and I realized something. Chemicals are a mother....that seretonin can have you high as a kite thinking love and marriage is fate with a person. Once they hurt you, though, you start to examine the situation with the rose colored glasses off. I realized that I was involved with a selfish, self-absorbed person who's only reason for wanting me in her life was the vision of the IBM: Ideal Black Man, but here's the thing: what's on paper never translates to love. It helps and can lay the foundation, but it's that certain intangible, the tip of your tongue quality that can't quite be named, the je ne sais quoi that has you coming back for more even though you could never illustrate it to your friends. I was in a situation where the chemicals were preventing me from seeing that all we talked about was her, she never asked about me, just a simple "how is your day?" Those moments to talk were simply only the times I heard from her and when it was me who needed someone, she wasn't there. Realize that you need someone who is willing to sacrifice their time for you and give their life for yours. Those situations where folks feel they have to wait around for someone to "get right" are really pointless. Let them go, work on you, and if they come back, then it's meant to be. If not, know that the time you put in to dedicate to being someone better will pay off in the form of meeting your soulmate. I realized just letting go of the past my mistakes and the pain I've caused others and the pain they've caused me has opened the path to letting my queen walk in one day. I'm eager for that day, but in the meantime the ability to finally put the past to rest is wonderful.

On the music tip, I've decided to start posting songs of the post for future enjoyment. Hope you can enjoy. In honor of the post, the inaugural S.O.T.P. is : "Just to keep you satisfied" by Marvin Gaye, a classic.....

Embrace the day....I'm out... Peace....