Saturday, December 23, 2006

Merry Christmas and other issues to discuss....In Rotation: Wildflower by New Birth

Wassup people? Merry Christmas to all as I write this from MD newly arrived today and very tired. It's been quite a week. I am already making a new year's resolution right now, no shopping for Christmas anywhere or anytime after Thanksgiving, it's madness out there. My sister and I decided to venture out today to take care of last minute stuff, bad idea. Funny thing, when people should have the most Christmas cheer and goodwill, they have the least. I swear people had boxcutters in the cheeks and knives up the sleeves. We made it out unscathed and have gifts for all.
Some housecleaning issues: I now will list the currently listening in each title since the music tends to influence my writing at the time. I've been killing this song recently since it is a quality song and was put onto it by a lovely soul. Also, I said last time that I wanted to go over the shouting match and potential beef between Yung Cheezy and Nas over the concept of Hip Hop being dead. Cheezy wisely squashed anything before it started so not really much to say about it. I am ecstatic about the new LP from Nas great concept and a tribute to H.E.R. to the fullest. True heads will cop this album because they're always seeking knowledge, quality lyrics, and beats that make you smile and nod your head all of which are encompassed in Nas' new one. Two black fists up for me. Now onto more important things.....
So, I'm growing up. I'm realizing it now, and damn if it ain't hard. Learning from past mistakes is crucial especially to avoid doing the repeat offenses which in the past have left me in positions that were tough to be positive (refer to "help restore my faith" entry in October) so I've decided to be quite cautious in how I proceed with the opposite sex. Not to say I've figured it all out, but I know a whole lot more than I did 6 years ago. I think the hardest thing is to distinguish between going slow and being scared. Right now I'm struggling with a fine balance, in the past I've fallen in love in days, hours even. I'm in control of that, but to the extent that anything promising but looks like it involves work or has the potential to not work for any reason, I begin to think it could fail in the end and pull away. I've reached the other end of the scale after years of falling fast only to get burned. My question: Can you really be open to something new after several bad relationships and endings? Is it really that each time you see something new with potential you begin to hold more back for longer and longer times? Does it get to the point where you feel you can only give the surface and nothing else and no matter the amount of time? I wonder about it sometimes. Do we reinvent ourselves constantly in order to appear tougher and harder so that when the inevitable heart break comes, we can say " I knew it was coming" ? Does that hinder us somehow from getting close to someone if we're expecting to be deceived? Lot of questions in my mind the past few days as you can see. Will they be answered? I don't know, you never really know some things. I guess I just don't want to miss out on a good thing because I'm looking at what happened in the past. I figure what's best right now is to enjoy the holidays with the fam and friends, pray for a blessed new year, and as the song says, believe that "this will all make sense some day."