thoughts of a little known scribe....

No Man is an Island

2010-01-30T11:48:00.000-08:00

It's funny how events can converge in a moment of fantastic revelation. Such a converging took place a few moments ago. Where did it start? It's hard to say, who's to say that it didn't start about 31 years ago to lead up to this point, but to cut off the risk getting too deep, I'll explain.

J.D. Salinger died....wait, before that. Rather, I've finished my last requirement for my PhD candidacy and the feeling is intense. I've made it halfway and that means I'm at the top of the hill, no it's back down carefully to the finish line. At this moment, homework still beckons so I'm sitting there with two friends of mine and the conversation drifts from solid structure and Bravais lattices to life. What is it? How do we define it? I'll save you from the finer points, but the conflicting argument what is the meaning, is it pleasure from personal gain or joy from connecting to others? Does a Buddhist monk in isolation have just as much joy as the missionary helping build a school in a village and providing medicine, clean water, food, knowledge for creating a higher quality of living? Does the hermit in the mountains accompanied by only nature harness as much joy as those who provide food and shelter to the homeless or open their homes to those who have no place to stay? Who has captured the essence of la vie? Hold that thought.

My father once said his favorite movie is Groundhog day. He explained that the movie is one of the few that shows true character development of someone in a genuine way. Lo, and behold it was on today and I'd never seen it so it being a snow/ice day, I decided to indulge. A man starts out a selfish, egotistical and boorish man who realizes through the repetition of the same day that fulfillment....joy...doesn't happen through the hot girl you see or all the money you can spend or every indulgence you can imagine whether it's academic, religious, industrial, artistic, or physical. He realizes it comes from helping others, it comes from making them feel good, like they matter, that someone in this world doesn't want them for something, but wants them because their human, God's pinnacle of creation mad in His image.

Ok...now....J.D. Salinger died yesterday. 91 years old, most of those lived in isolation up in the northeast. He wrote what is known as the quintessential "Great American novel" quite an accomplishment for any lifetime, but the only thing I kept thinking of is...what else did he do? His obituary is Catcher in the Rye. His legacy is Catcher in the Rye. What did he like for breakfast? Catcher in the Rye. Did he have a love of his life? Catcher in the Rye. Was their a childhood memory that he held dear? Catcher in the Rye. What was the song that reminded him of his teenage years? Catcher in the Rye. Why is their no answer but that? Because he cut himself off and decided life was best spent alone. He sacrificed a life that could have changed others beyond a book to have some peace and quiet. Some expensive peace.

Now every one is entitled to be wrong and I leave that to them, but a satisfying life does not come only from a sunset or a flower or denying self or sacrificing animals or selfish indulgence to satisfy all the senses. It comes from relationship with those around you, with your Creator; it comes from realizing everyone is the same deep deep down, we all want to be loved because that is what the Creator is....love and the thought of anything that opposes that basic need scares the hell out of man so he tries to fill it with everything he can. But it doesn't work...

The other night I heard on the radio an interview with a Holocaust survivor. What did she learn in her life, they asked? She learned to forgive because forgiveness is always in your power and it gives you strength to live the life Elohim wants you to, one free of regret or pain or bitterness. She really gets it. How come so few others do?

You want to live life? Then love and accept love without any apprehension or doubt for what will happen tomorrow. Easier said than done, but damn it, I want to learn it more than anything you can learn in this life.

I'm out......

Birthday Post: any regrets?

2009-11-11T19:35:00.001-08:00

Happy Birthday to me!! Figured I'd give myself a shout out on this one. It's been a good one beside the fact that Hurricane Ida has decided to dump her leftovers on the whole state, but, other than that, it was a great 31st. I decided to post a quick blog today because I was reading an article about a group of guys who after a thrilling tie football game between two high school rivals in 1993, they decided to play again in their 30's to settle the game once and for all. The article asked who wouldn't jump at the opportunity to have a second chance, not just at a game but career move or a relationship and assumed most would. I guess I'm the minority because I have not one event I can look back on and say my life took a turn to a point where I should have done otherwise. I believe in 31 years, I've made PLENTY of mistakes and still make them. I've lied to people, used them, lied to myself, acted out of fear, froze out of fear, and said things to people that I would not today. Would I do it over? Never. Not that I don't believe I didn't do wrong or didn't need forgiveness for it, but, rather, all those events shaped my world today. It brought me to this point where I'm immensely happy with a wonderful life, wonderful woman, and a wonderful future that Jehovah has seen fit to bless me with. Of all my bad decisions, He brought about good out of it. Sure there were games I lost, times I should have spoken up, people I should have said the right thing too, but as the song goes: this will all make sense one day. No regrets; because I love my life and I wouldn't trade it for anyone else's and that truly is the best birthday present I've been given. Blessings, people, I'm out!

don't wanna be a player no more....

2009-10-23T11:35:00.000-07:00

Wassup subscribers! Alot has happened in the past month. I lost my first grandparent who was called home to be with the Cornerstone and I can't wait to see her again in Paradise. I decided to make an honest woman out of the only person in the world who not only can truly put up with me, but love me and enjoy on top of the that. How do you pass someone like that up? Even better, it ties into my blog topic today.

For those who know me, I'm not really a fan of talk shows in general but really can't stand the fact that Tyra continues to have one (an Emmy really? So there IS a casting couch for award shows! Should have figured it out when Marisa Tomei won an Oscar...) so I find myself checking periodically when she's on to see how many personal references on her part are taking place on there to get a good laugh. The other day, she had on so called "playas" and decided to check on it to see Tyra's superior logic and interviewing skills. That lasted 2 sec. Then I just listened to the guys. Besides the fact that one of the guys was a total clown and hit on anything with breasts (the shotgun effect, works for even ugly dudes) one cat said something interesting. He didn't believe in marriage (although he's living with a girl now) and then mentioned the fact that he saw his mother who was successful, had a career, advanced degree, and then got married and all when out the window for a man that wasn't worth it. After that, his relationship was never the same with her and he lost all respect for women and decided to use them for whatever he wanted.

Now in that 2 min he talked, you can spend a year on all the subtle contexts that leap from this guy and apply it to life. The one I wanted to choose was the fact that this man made a life decision based on a mistake his mother did. So many times I've heard people ask why do bad things happen to good people and how can God let things happen in this life that do. A complex answer but in the simplest terms: free will. We desire to live in our own independence, do what we want, go where we desire, be with who we want, thinking that we are the best judges of our own life. Little do we know our smallest actions affect not only the people around us but generations to come. We have free will and we chose it but failed to realize that what we do affects other's negatively and vice versa and He can't impinge on free will. So we live in a world dominated by other's choices and the consequences of those who lived for the past few thousand years. Solution? Give up this independence that has done nothing but bring us to a point of frustration, bitterness, and fear and depend on Elohim for everything. If I hadn't made that decision to let Him lead me, where would I be? Where would those be who I've blessed, helped, or inspired? Where would I be if those in my life hadn't choose to follow Yeshua's will and done the same for me? Who would I be with if I had not chosen the queen He made only for me? Complete with independence and no peace, joy, or hope that our lives are meaningful, world changing, and glorious.

So think about your actions, even the little ones. You may want something that's not your time to have it or not to have it all and you think why not me? I deserve it. Who could it be affecting? Your family, your friends, your children? And will they judge that life is unfair when it doesn't work out and give them their own jaded views on life? Step lightly and take His hand. It's time to get this world back to what it was meant to be..... I'm out....

Random thoughts as fall rolls in

2009-09-03T08:27:00.001-07:00

Schools in for fall! What up people? Hope all is well. As usual, the semester starts off with a bang. It's about to go down this weekend with my 2nd part of my candidacy exams and I'll be glad to get them done after studying all summer. Then it's anxious waiting to go Screwston to see my queen. In the meantime, time to drop the fall edition of random thoughts. Enjoy.

1) I don't like to think that MJ and Luther will never make music again. It's kind of depressing.

2) Saturday Aug 8, 2009: I went to see De La Soul at Cat's cradle. Saturday Aug 8, 2009: Day I fell in love with hip hop again.

3) Sometimes you have to take a second to think that you will see your family grow from babies to one day have babies themselves. Crazy to think one day I'll get to see 3 generations (maybe 4) of my descendants. Robert Frost put it best: In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on...

4) Ok, I'm not a fan of his policies either, but people have got to relax about Obama giving a speech to kids under the suspicion of brainwashing. The man is not the AntiChrist, trust me. With the AntiChrist, EVERYONE will love him.

5) We should bring back suits and hats like the fifties. That would be classy.

6) I only got to play golf once this summer. :o( One day I'll have all the time and money and then I'll catch up on my rounds.

7) Facebook is getting too popular. I remember when it was about school networking. Now your grandmother, the mailman, homeless Joe on the corner, and inmates can get one.

8) Is Twitting done yet?

9) The beauty of fall: changing leaves, changing temperatures, anticipation of holidays....and new seasons of all your favorite shows! Sad I know....

10) Speaking of which, not feeling how they are starting off this 90210. They are going for the raunch factor and screwing Annie's character. No wonder they are making more reality shows, the writers in Hollyweed are starting to suck.

11) Although, gotta say, I LOVE 30 Rock.

12) Couldn't have Shawn Merriman finished the job? I'm just saying.

13) P Diddy is the devil.

14) I think Drake has worn out his welcome. For all those business majors: Oversaturation is bad thing.

15) College football is back. *sniff* It's been so long.

16) Anyone else notice that more R&B singers are singing like they are castrated? We had the whole Rat Pack, Barry White, Lou Rawls, Nat King Cole, Will Downing, even Elvis and now we have everybody singing like girls. Screw the cowboys, where have all the baritones and tenors gone?

17) Miles Davis was a flat out genius...genius. If you don't know, watch or read his bio.

18) Ok, is it me or did Christina and The Dream pull a Nick and Mariah? Oh yeah, Nick and Mariah, you can stop now, your careers have managed to continue so call the whole thing off.

19) Media, until Speidi catch swine flu or are hit by a bus or some other life ending event, I don't want to see them on my TV. EVER.

20) "God is love" -Rev. Run

Peace.....

love is....

2009-07-29T18:29:00.000-07:00

Wassup people? I've been really busy as of late with finishing summer sessions and tutoring. It's at least allowed me to ignore the news (which is always a good thing) and just moving from point to point and focusing on getting work done. In the meantime, it's allowed me to listen to more music and I've been pleased with the new Chico DeBarge. A lot of hype has been around Maxwell's return but to be honest, I just haven't been wowed by his album. It has a few decent cuts but the only one I really love is Pretty Wings. Also a little disappointed with Chrisette Michele sophomore effort, a few good cuts but nothing to write home about. I have to say I love the new Mos Def, he seems like he's back to form now that he's with a new label and happy.

I've also just been playing my Itunes library straight through as I go through the day and I've come to a realization. I believe that after reading the Shack and coming to a fuller understanding of God, that art (movies, music, and books) have a skewed version of what love is at times. For example, I've heard this often in my many songs of love: love is pain.....no it's not. Love is a byproduct of a fundamental choice: do you wish to know the fullness of God and His nature, because He is love. And beyond the cursory: "God is Love" Rev Run phrase and t-shirt slogans, if you focus on that statement, the truth is inevitable, you can only know true love if you know the true God. People throw the word around not realizing a fundamental thing; the only true statement of love can be made if you can in replace the word "love" with "God". I hear the phrase "love is joy, love is pain" so by that reasoning God is joy, God is pain. He's not pain, He endured pain as a man in order for us to experience daily joy.

We have thousands of songs that talk about love will cause you such sorrow but it's worth it for the sake of love. That's a lie and it implies we have to suffer to know true love when it's actually the opposite, we can experience true love because Love suffered on a cross 2000 years ago. Love is not conditional, He's an absolute, He's not there one day and gone the next. People talk about falling out of love, what happens is people choose to no longer know Love and put Him at the center of their life. They chase after things that offer a shallow thrill and all the Love gives them they reject because they get distracted with things that aren't important.

Other songs speak of love making you hold on to someone not worth holding on too. Fear does that and a false hope that one cannot make it without the other person and one day that person will realize that too. Wishful thinking most times.

So the question is: does life imitate art or vice versa? Do we do them because it's in our nature or do we do it because we hear it and we get these romantic notions? I'm not saying all songs have missed it but too many do giving Love a bad name when He is more than perfect. Give it a thought and start making the switch when you hear those songs about love. If it isn't beautiful, holy, precious, and wonderful...it ain't Love.....

I'm out....

Human Nature

2009-06-27T20:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday brought about the death of a musical icon who regardless of his personal life influenced generations of artists and redefined music as we know it. When I heard the news and saw the endless MJ videos on BET, it hit me. There a number of life lessons that can be learned but the one that came to me in an epiphany after repeating the same phrase over and over: I never expected it to happen so soon, but then I realized something: I took him for granted. I always thought there would be another comeback album that would return him to the King of Pop throne. Then I thought about how much we take for granted in every aspect of our lives. Our families who love us after all the ups and downs, mistakes, heated words, short tempers, times of loss, struggle, joys, accomplishments, and moments that gave us wisdom. Those loved ones in our lives who brighten our day just by hearing their voice, cards and letters they wrote from long ago that still warm your heart and humble you to know you can be loved in that way, who make a difference in your day by just smiling. We have a tendency to look a gift horse in the mouth, so to speak. Whether it is because we feel we deserve it or so busy worried about other aspects of life that really don't matter in the grand scheme of things. There's a classic line from a Lyfe Jennings' song that says: down on your knees praying for that new Porsche while she's walking out that door. Sometimes we need to remember that who, not what is in our lives is the most important and remember that God likes to hear thank you as well as your loved ones. Don't take them for granted because life is short, but a handbreadth, so let them know you love 'em.

I'm out, Blessings, peace and hair grease!

random thoughts of June

2009-06-09T10:31:00.000-07:00

1) I'm loving Conan on the Tonight Show, my favorite Irishman has finally made it. Poor Jimmy Fallon, he's like a deer in headlights.

2) AMERIE is back!! Not only beautiful but she can sing and actually has good beats. Beyonce, take a memo (you think being married to greatest rapper alive might give you reason to actually be original....)

3) I'm sorry for David Carradine's family but that man was overrated....

4) On that note, where did that phrase come from, "don't speak ill of the dead"? I think the last thing dead folks are worried about is what people alive are saying since there are more pressing issues like, say....standing in front of your Maker.

5) When's Honda going to start selling those walking robots? I want one...

6) I'm going to need for pastors to stop talking about politics and start talking about Jesus.

7) New Jersey is about to legalize weed. Finally! Maybe we can end this ridiculous war on drugs and start releasing folks in jail on non-violent drug crimes and start using drug taxes to pay off these state budget deficits.

8) Ever notice how mankind is obsessed with bad news?

9) What did Shakespeare say? First, we kill all the lawyers? Well, I add an amendment to that: second, we kill all the politicians.

10) Hate to break the news to people at the Discovery channel but the show "The World after People" is as useful as "The world filled with Unicorns" because we're not going anywhere.

11) Classic quote from the Devil's Advocate: "Free will....it is a b***h." It can be, if you choose independence like Adam did.

12) If people saw a man smacking a woman in public, how many would actually intervene?

13) I'm a celebrity, get me outta here. Here's a title: I'm a TV viewer, I deserve more!

14) Transformers, GI Joe, now I just need a Thundercats movie and I'm living the glorious 80's the way I was meant to.

15) Why is Tyra still on? Why is she relevant? Why weren't her parents just too tired that night 35 years ago?

16) Women should really trust their intuition and not listen to society's standards. A man is supposed to take care of you just like you are supposed to provide your part of the relationship. Men and women are equal but that doesn't mean we are the same.

17) First Florida wins the national football championship, then Carolina wins basketball, then the Steelers win ANOTHER Super bowl (like they needed one), now it looks like the Lakers and Red wings will win their championships. Now all I need is the Yankees to win the World Series and it will officially be the worst year of sports in my life.

18) I love how Zoe Saldana stood up for the thin girls; they don't get enough love.

19) MOS DROPPED AN ALBUM TODAY!! YEAH!!

20) Brett Favre, GO HOME! Tired of this on again, off again crap.....

and bonus,

21) 2 months, 2 weeks and 4 days until college football....so close yet so far.....

PEACE!

Angels and Demons, Catholics and Protestants, Christ and rubbish

2009-05-13T22:21:00.001-07:00

Whassup subscribers? I have officially ended the school year on a wonderful note. I found out I get to keep my money, I passed the first part of my PhD candidacy exams, and I swept the board with all A's in my classes, all praise to God for everything. I was able to get home and spend a great Mother's day with the fam and relax after a harrowing semester. Now that things are settled, my summer begins and you know what that means? That's right, higher temperatures....no, no, no I mean more blogs. So a burning topic has been hounding me to be written over the past week or so on this second movie from Ron Howard, Angels and Demons, based on the book by Dan Brown. I've seen a great deal of people referring to the anti-Catholic sentiment that has accompanied it. Many Catholics are calling a ban on the movie, similar to the ban on the Da Vinci Code, the first movie in the series. I began to think that Dan Brown had serious beef with the Catholic Church but then I thought about it: the infrastructure of the Catholic church is fashioned in a way that demands control over its followers and their salvation....at least, papal officials would like to think so.

If you look at the history of the church, it began from the promotion of Christianity to the official religion of the Roman empire in AD 380 which, in my opinion, was the worst thing that could have ever happened to the gospel. It made it a ward of the state, so to speak, in that no a government would control the faith and how it was to be practiced and interpreted. Then slowly the Catholic church began to take shape under the guise of religion when it was really government control. The same governmental control that guilted or incited European countries to take the Holy Land, the same control that exploited indigenous American peoples to slavery and exploitation, the same control that allowed for the Holocaust to take place, and, most importantly, have allowed a backlash of atheists and agnostics to declare war on God.

It's really a shame and many Protestant denominations are guilty to a lesser degree as well. They have tried to control people's salvation by heaping good works, elitism, and guilt on people to control their relationship with Christ and it can't work. Right living doesn't come by papal authority, good works, fasting, condemning other religions, long monologues on the pseudo-intellectual "mystery of the gospel"; it come from grace. Grace and the recognition of what was done on that Christ 2000 years ago for us to have a personal relationship with the creator of the universe. The physical establishment of the church (both Catholic and Protestant) is not the church contrary to what they believe. The church is the body of believers who have a relationship through Christ with God and recognize that gift of grace covers all our iniquities, not only those done, but any we would ever commit and that brings about right living.

Oppression in the name of God is the greatest sin because I believe it blasphemes the Holy Spirit who is a witness to the love and goodness of God when we least deserve it. Will physical churches ever realize the truth or reveal it? Probably not, but the Spirit is an amazing thing and can reveal truth when there is nothing by lies around you so I'm believing that people will recognize the goodness of God and desire to know Him who above all else, desires a personal, daily relationship with us.

Read "The Shack" by William P. Young and "Radical Gospel of Grace" by Joseph Prince to reveal an amazing God that is taught so little of anymore. I'm out.....peace and hair grease...

Word of the day from Pastor Prince

2009-04-27T06:33:00.000-07:00

There Is No Spot In You Song Of Solomon 4:7
7You are all fair, my love, and there is no spot in you.Jesus tells us His bride, “You are all fair, My love, and there is no spot in you.” But our reply to Him tends to be, “Me? All fair and no spot? You don’t know me, Lord!”Do you really think that God doesn’t know you?God sees reality like no one else sees it. He sees the perfection of His Son’s finished work in your life. By one offering of Himself at the cross, Jesus has perfected you forever! (Hebrews 10:14) You have been made the righteousness of God in Christ. (2 Corinthians 5:21) And you will never find any spot in this righteousness that Jesus died to give you.So God wants you to see yourself righteous — all fair and spotless in Christ. Every day, be conscious of your righteousness in Christ. Say, “I am the righteousness of God in Christ. There is no spot in me whom He has perfected with His blood.” When you do that, you are honoring Jesus and His finished work.If you are conscious of your sins, then you are not honoring the work of Christ. You may think that you are being humble or holy by being sin-conscious. But do you know that the Bible calls sin-consciousness an “evil conscience”?Hebrews 10:21–22 tells us that since we have Jesus as our High Priest, “let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience”. What does the writer of Hebrews mean by “an evil conscience”? If you read the beginning of the same chapter, you will find that he is talking about a “consciousness of sins”. (Hebrews 10:2) Paul calls it a “conscience seared with a hot iron”. (1 Timothy 4:2) The Greek word for “seared” here is kauteriazo, and it means to carry about with you a perpetual consciousness of sin.So don’t carry with you an evil or seared conscience. Your lifetime of sins has already been punished fully in the body of Jesus at the cross. Be conscious, instead, of your perfection and righteousness in Christ. Because of what Jesus has done for you, you can boldly declare, “I am all fair. There is no spot in me!”

random thoughts as finals begin

2009-04-21T20:14:00.000-07:00

Once again, I'm in the thick of the end of the semester with final papers, final homework and finals! So right now, my mind goes through a series of topics throughout the day that if I really sat down and wrote down my thoughts, I could write a meaningful blog, but as it is, there are only 24 hours in the day so I can only do so much. So here goes just a sample of what has run through my mind in the past month.

1) How is Kim Kardashian a size 2? If she's a size 2 then my baby's a size -10.

2) Family guy has lost its zeal, now Seth McFarlane has just decided to push his liberal agenda and how much he dislikes God. Man, first Dave Chappelle, now family guy, all good things must come to an end or come to a point where it sucks.

3) Kanye has officially decided to not endorse the idea of giving it all to Jesus, now he just chooses to "walk it out." How's that working out for you, Kanye?

4) Twitter has worn out its welcome, I liked it the first time when it was called texting.

5) First you give an embarrassing gift to the PM of England and then you bow to the Saudis? Obama, what are you doing? Bet you didn't think you'd be in over your head so soon. Be careful what you wish for....

6) Girls who talk about how much men suck at the age of 19 and 20 need to first meet some men. The older these girls try to act, the more they show their true age. Getcha' mind right: men chase you, not vice versa.

7) The Shack is now one of my top 3 books of all time.

8) Are they ever going to call real calls in the NBA? When does college football start again?

9) Um, if white women are going to continue to have black children, I'm going to need them to learn how do their hair because we don't need pickaninnies running these streets.

10) Pirates are roaming the seas hijacking boats. What century is this?

11) I just don't buy this global warming......

12) So now the world conference on racism is now saying the Jews are racist toward the Palestinians, hmmm, maybe it's just good old fashioned hate that goes back to oh.....biblical times? Who are we kidding, this has nothing to do with race, it has to do with the fact that Ishmael and Isaac have butted heads from day one, and now the UN is going to have a conference on it? Useless organization....

13) Texas wants to secede....where do I sign up for that??

14) Next year I will be in the South Pacific with my future wife, I am counting down the days....literally.

15) Mos Def is doing a movie with Mike Epps? Mos, you died a little in my eyes....

16) Infowars.org....open your eyes to the truth.

17) I'm really feenin' for good music to be released right now because if I hear another Autotune machine, I may blow up a Virgin megastore....no joke....I'm looking up bomb recipes now....just kidding FBI....or am I?

18) What's up with this gay agenda? So now anyone who doesn't agree with the MINORITY of gays in Hollywood suddenly they are close minded and wrong? Whatever happened to free speech? Good for Miss California for standing by her convictions.

19) God only made one religion: Judaism and it was to prove a point; we can't do this on our own . Shame on religion for making people dependent on institutions and robbing them of a relationship with Christ.

20) Times are tough but He takes care of his own.

I'm out....Peace and blessings as always....

finally I weigh in...

2009-03-21T00:26:00.000-07:00

Wassup subscribers? I have been a minute away from the blog game with all going on with school and other plans (including trying to settle down and make an honest woman out of LeLe) so there has not been a whole lot of opportunity to write although the thoughts have been flowing. I really tried to avoid the whole domestic abuse thing after the couple beat the hell out of each other and everyone jumped in with their two cents, including Oprah, Tyra, and Robin Givens (three women that are not the best reasons AGAINST beating women)...j/k....kind of. Anywho, it's more disturbing in our community, the girls are saying she did something to deserve what he did. Really? The only time you have to get physical with a woman is if you're life is threatened and that means she's holding a gun or a knife to a vital part of your body. Was that taking place in that car? Highly doubt it. I'm starting to realize that it is another classic example of people settling for less than they're worth. How does the phrase go: I can do bad by myself. Whatever happened to that mantra that represented the belief that I deserve the best and if I don't get it, the best for me is me. Somehow, along the way, we've lost sight of that and now we give reasons for a man hitting on a woman. Scary, but I believe this is a trend that is not a passing thing. Hip hop, comedy, books give a culture of violence and being physical as showing power and dominance. Then we wonder why the cops fill us with 50 bullets when they arrest unarmed men. We portray in our culture that that's all we understand.

Sad fact is as long as people sit and believe that they will never have a good thing or they deserve punishment based on what they do, they will continue to suffer and miss out on the blessings in life through self-condemnation. Life is too short and meaningful to think I deserve anything less than God's best.

On that note, read Destined to Reign by Joseph Prince. Never a better book on realizing how much God truly blesses you, not based on your actions but on his Son's actions. Don't settle for less....expect great things, great relationships, a great life. I'm out.....

25 more things....

2009-02-07T17:42:00.000-08:00

I couldn't leave it at 25 but I promise I'll stop at 50. There's about 50 million in the course of a lifetime, but you gotta know the limit of what to reveal to others. Which leads me to the first....

1) I spent most of my formative years "trying out different personalities" because I was burned by others revealing who I was and I didn't realize I could be myself until I was in about my mid twenties around the time I moved down to Carolina.

2) I'm obsessed with finding the next big thing, whether musical artist, designer, artist, etc. I hate following the crowd so I search the web for underground artists and clothing websites that are unique.

3) I avoid talking to people because I'm not an open person but they always seem to want to strike up a conversation and tell me their life story. Man, I just want to buy my groceries and get out of here, why are you telling me about how you're about to fail out of school?? Do I know you???

4) I hate when people refer to women as females, even more than referring to them as bitches. I don't know why since they are both bad, but female gets under my skin. Maybe the same reason I hate conversate: people try to sound intelligent but come off sounding even more ignorant.

5) I bite my nails and crack my knuckles when I'm really nervous.

6) I cheated twice on the multiplications tests in third grade and I honestly thought I'd never get them. Now I do partial differential equations and do integrations of trigonometric functions. God definitely has a sense of humor.

7) I've forged my parent's signatures at least 3 times in my school career.

8) One of my closest friends sold weed on the regular and started selling crack right before I went to college so I had to end the friendship.

9) I once told my roommate in college that a scratch that I got from running into a nail on a volleyball pole while playing ball was a knife wound that I got at a party in high school just to see if he'd believe me. He did.

10) I once cracked a windshield of an ex girlfriend in college because I was so mad and she freaked out and ran out of the car.

11) The summer after my senior year of high school I wondered if I really believed in God or just did because it was what my parents told me to believe and I seriously considered the second option.

12) I've never stolen anything from a store but I accepted a stolen shirt from my best friend in high school and it was my all-time favorite and wore until it literally fell to shreds. My mom hated that shirt.

13) I wanted to be a math or history teacher in college until I found math by itself to be too dry and my advisor said there were too many history teachers so I chose physics on a whim after only one class in high school.

14) I moved to CT simply because I had a dream about it at the end of college. It was so vivid that I still remember it. The amazing thing is when I went to interview for a job there, the drive to the school was exactly like in my dream even though I'd never been there before.

15) I saw the '87 Ramstein air crash that resulted in about 69 people dying and 350 people being seriously injured and I was only 8. That was my most traumatic experience in my life and I hope the only one. I will never go to another air show as long as I live.

16) I love the smell of bleach. To me it means clean and I love clean especially in the bathroom. I HATE a dirty bathroom.

17) I love to cook. It started out being something I learned to impress women but now I'm always looking for something new to make for myself or my fam.

18) I hate pictures of Jesus. We have no idea how he looked and they always portray him as white with blonde hair. He was a Jew who lived in a place that has sunshine year round and he walked everywhere. You do the math.

19) I love black people who are out of the mold and break stereotypes. On the opposite, I hate stereotypical ni**as who want to imitate everything that "the man" puts on TV to show what he thinks of us. Black folk who skate, make rock music or country, play hockey, or sample off the wall tracks from Lawrence Welk or Bob Dylan in their music. That shows courage.

20) Aaron McGruder is quickly rising to my status of a hero. I can relate so well since I mock many aspects of so called "black" culture but I still have a militant streak inside of me. We also like to play "minority" advocate (I ain't advocating the devil).

21) I've realized the girls that I had the strongest feelings for in my life had beautiful brown skin even though I have dated different races and shades of black women; but ever since my first crush Rosetta Adams, I have had a thing for brown skinned beauties.

22) I used to be terrified of the dark when I was a kid since I lived in a haunted house when I was first living overseas. Now I love it, I love just sitting in the dark and thinking listening to music.

23) The doctor told me that I would be twins and according to the doctors I was in for 11 months. When I went for my first checkup, the doctor looked at my chart and saw my weight and age and thought I as going to be fat but when he saw me he was surprised and said I just was a solid kid. That's right. :o)

24) I believe in Sasquatch and I believe my parents have seen one at separate times.

25) I hate the word karma. It's the eastern version of explaining reaping and sowing and it implies that eastern religions figured out some great mystery when God and his people knew it long before some dalai lama somewhere figured it out.

25 random things about me

2009-02-03T19:59:00.000-08:00

1) I'm left-handed and obsessed with finding people who are left-handed as well. I watch people around me, on TV, in movies, and in pictures to see if they write with their left hand and once I see it, I have to point it out.

2) One of the coolest moments of my life was when I was invited to be in a small group of people at Duke that got to have dinner with Talib Kweli when he came to speak at Duke for MLK 4 years ago. To pick the brain of a true artist on the wonderful art form of hip hop will be something I'll tell my grandkids.

3) I hate the word conversate and I constantly correct people close to me who speak poor English. I find it annoying that I'm OC about it but for some reason I can't let those kind of things go.

4) I'm a sucker for romance when it's written well but even more for painful issues. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is one of the best movies on love in it's own sick, twisted fashion.

5) I wish I could sing because if I could I would make music just for the sake of making music. Not like most who do it: for fame or prestige or money but because of how music shapes the soul.

6) I love sugar. I can eat healthy and enjoy it, could even be a vegetarian if I needed to be, but sugar is my weakness. Cake, cookies, pie, ice cream, you name it.

7) I'm getting a PhD in physics not because I think I can, (cause I know this isn't my own ability) but because I love it. I read about it in my own personal time. The laws that govern God's universe amaze me and I couldn't see myself doing anything else.

8) I have had a dream since I was kid in school learning Geography to see every country in the world and I have hoped to spend my life trying.

9) Every time I hear "A song for You" by Donny Hathaway, I get misty in the eyes. That song is one of the most heartfelt love songs written of all time and it always makes me think of my future wife.

10) I believe it true love because I believe in God. Because of that I believe there is someone made specifically for someone else and all the lovers in the world could never replace that one as long as they walk this Earth.

11) I've seen High Fidelity probably at least 30 times. It's a genius movie based a genius book that captures love and music and how they are intertwined. I can relate to Rob and Barry: the under-appreciated scholars who choose to ish on the world in all its shallow glory.

12) I'm quite cynical about most things that everyone likes because I feel that too many people out there are sheep, afraid to try anything out of what others say they should like or be.

13) Since the first time I heard, "Isn't she lovely" by Stevie Wonder when I was a young boy, I knew I was destined to have a daughter and that I would be all that I could be to show her how a man should love her and to wait for God to bring him.

14) Stevie Wonder and Donny Hathaway consequently are the two sole artists I would model my songwriting and music style by if I had the slightest bit of artistic talent. They've changed my life through their music and they should be a required class in any institute of music.

15) I'm going to write books one day; I just haven't decided the topics yet.

16) I think my sister is going to be one of the strongest women in my family that no one will see coming. She's revealed to me a level of genius that is so lacking in this day and age; mixed with a grace and peace that my clumsy handling of human relationships will never quite achieve and she has a sharp sense of humor that no one would figure just looking at her and that's why she's one of my most favorite type of people: the ones who have a tempest of genius behind a still smile.

17) It irks me when people try to define biracial people as one thing or another. I spent my years trying to please both sides of my background until I realized one day that it's a waste of time and others don't define me, I found out who I am in Jehovah and what I found was so much better.

18) I don't eat pork. I stopped a while back when I realized that it gave me headaches and that the thought of eating it started to make me sick when I thought of what a pig is. Now the the thought of pork grosses me out but all power to those who love it. Just not for me.

19) I'm going to live to at least 100 because I've always had this feeling impressed upon me that as long as I'm on this Earth, I'm here for God's purpose and I need to be here as long as I can to make a difference in people's lives and souls. Once I'm done here, I'm going to go to sleep one night and not wake up. That's an extremely comforting thought.

20) I don't regret the things I've done in the past to people but I do pray everyday that those people that I caused pain in their lives that they realize it was because I didn't want to answer the high calling on my life and focus on the walk and because of it, people got hurt in the process.

21) I know that God sends signs to confirm that you are in His will. There were so many little things that line up between my queen and me, confirming that she was made by Him for me.

22) I have a bad habit of watching supernatural shows, a weakness I've always had, whether real or fictional, though I would NEVER mess around with anything dealing with witchcraft.

23) I read about three books at a time when I'm not stuck doing school work. I've been reading since I was 4 and I can never get enough of it. I've never understood people who don't read for enjoyment.

24) My mother and I have had one of the most tumultuous relationships ever maintained in history but I love her immensely and thank God for her revealing Him to me early on in life.

25) My pops is my hero. He has a quiet trust and strength within him that I've always admired. He can fix anything, he's patient, he's funny, he's wise, and I would happy to even measure to half the man he is.

random thoughts: part III

2009-01-30T16:44:00.000-08:00

Wassup people? I only have a little bit of time to get some thoughts down since I'm in the final week of getting ready for my qualifier. I'll be glad when it's all done and I have a chance to think. With that said, I just have so many topics rolling in the back of my head that I decided to pose random thoughts and questions of things that have inspired/disturbed/perplexed/alarmed me since the last time I wrote a blog.

1) Our public U.S. educational system is slowly dying and the only thing that can save it are people who care, which apparently are dying as well.

2) How are some people who claim to know Christ some of the angriest people you'll ever meet? He gives me too much joy and peace to be angry all the time.

3) How is it that the only thing kids are reading in school now for pleasure reading are Zane and ghetto fiction?

4) Is it enough that they are at least reading?

5) Can we continue to cry out discrimination when we do nothing to show ourselves worthy of the position? Is below 50% proficiency in minority schools what civil rights leaders expected when they fought against separate but equal?

6) Um, Tyra is a moron.

7) First day in, Obama ups the funding for abortion clinics, nice to know my tax dollars are going to, among MANY wasteful things, ending lives.

8) So much for bipartisan support that they've been talking about since 9/11.

9) At least he's a lefty and a White Sox fan, always got to look at the bright side of things.

10) To quote the Isley Bros., love is a wonderful thing, especially when you have someone wonderful to love.

11) Joseph Prince is a breath of fresh air in a world of legalism and money chasing.

12) God is good.

13) Is it me or is there a lull in the music world right now?

14) Has the whole world gone gay or does Hollywood just want us to think that?

15) Do all these "ANTM" loves know that those who really model find this show a joke and exploitative?

16) Matter of fact, all those reality shows are a joke and exploitative...is it because it's the easy way of trying to get to the top rather than putting in work ie. Making the Band?

17) Should I be mad or happy that Detox is getting pushed back so Dre can work on Em's new release?

18) Vibe chose Lollipop as the top song of '08.....I'm going to say that again....Lollipop.......Lollipop.............................................................................................Lollipop.

19) Wow, Smallville is good again!

20) I hate the winter, one day I'll live in a place where 60 degrees is a cold snap.

21) Wow, Kind of Blue is insanely good as it just turned 50 years old.

22) Movies cost way too much.

23) Wow, weed is actually the majority of the economy in the emerald triangle. Where is this you ask, in the Caribbean, Central America, South America? No, it's in Northern California and weed is selling like hotcakes. Answer to the economy woes: legalize drugs......(oh give it a shot)

24) Teaching physics is like spooning water out of a sinking boat while the students sit on buckets watching it sink.

25) I can't wait to start my class in Bracketology in March....

respect your elders

2008-12-05T13:39:00.000-08:00

Wassup people? I'm procrastinating right now since I should be writing an ethics paper and studying for my radiation effects final but I felt the need to write as always. There is a whole bunch on the mind right now with the holidays, changes, situ's going on around me, etc. etc. Right now I'm happy for my blessing of a queen who's got more sense than most and a bigger heart than all I've ever known. I happy for those making black love work (it's a beautiful thing). I pray for these future generations coming up that they develop some sense because right now it's not being exhibited. Maybe it's somewhere deep and dormant, I'm not sure. All of these points I can make a whole entry out of (which will probably happen in the near future) but right now I'm referring to my first wifey, hip hop.

It seems that Ice-T of West Coast and Law and Order fame said his peace about Soulja Boy on a mix tape. You may not know Soulja Boy but he has this corny bubblegum song called Superman saying that it's wack and to eat something not pleasant. Soulja Boy came back with some random attacks about Ice-T's age and well...just about his age and that he feels that he should be more a mentor. Ice-T ended it with simply he apologizes for getting graphic but at the end of the day, Boy's music is wack, which I agree with. Nelly mentioned on it that Ice shouldn't have said anything because you can't tell young kids about music which I agree with, but I do have to say there is something lost in hip hop that won't ever come back; the pure hunger to be the best.

When it started off, before there was money in it and before rich corporate America jumped on it to exploit artists and market black music to white children (it's been going on since they invented radio and the phonograph), hip hop was local, born in the streets of NY and merely another way to make a party all the way live. It developed into a competition of who could do it the best and what culminated was the golden age of hip hop, essentially the late 70's through the late 80's. When did it die? Who can say...was it the moment that Vanilla Ice and Hammer became the all time sellers? Was it when the East coast and West Coast battle took Biggie and Pac? Was it as far back as when Aerosmith and Run DMC brought hip hop to the suburbs? Who knows...but now it's about making sure songs have dances and make good ringtones. Is that hip hop? If it is, then I have checked out and won't be checking back in.

Nelly makes a good point: adults will always say that children's music is not real music. My mother still says hip hop is not real music and she'll never change that opinion. Two and three generations ago, rock and roll was of the devil and was going to bring down this country single handedly. However, I retort with this: when you think of "superman on these ho's, does it call to mind LL (don't call it a comeback....) or Dr. Dre (1...2...3 and to the 4....) or Rakim (sip the Juice, I gotta enough to go around.....) or EPMD (you gots to chill....)? I'd say no.

I know there has always been party rap, but we could still rank good party music vs. garbage. Is it by sales? If so then, To the Extreme by Rob Van Winkle (7x platinum) is one of the top five greatest rap albums of all time. Is it region? Tell that to Outkast, Nas, Eminem, Scarface, Lupe, The Game. Could it be gimmick? Then Laffy taffy, that just my baby daddy, daisy dukes, and whoop there it is would come on every time and everyone would exclaim " the greatest of all time" (if there is a club that they do that, please God let me stay away). So it comes down to, in my opinion, three things:

1) Content: are you talking about anything relevant, there's always a place for party rap but it's like disco, sure you like it when it comes on, but you ain't gonna go out and buy it (if you have any sense you won't). Even Shock G had the alter ego, Humpty, in order to deliver it fun and live and then deliver real talk.

2) Beats: Are they getting folks jumping all the time? Are they diverse and do they stand out from other songs? Is the beat setting a trend or following one? Everyone can agree when Biggie's give me one more chance comes on, the place gets poppin'. On the other hand, we can all agree "in my white tee" may have sounded good for a minute (although not to me) but that joint won't come up in greatest party song conversations for years to come.

3) Delivery: Can you speak so that folks can understand and still switch up your flow. Can you deliver with a clear rapid flow (check N***a what, N***a who by Jay-Z) and still be understood and then slow it down to a smooth, on point with the beat delivery(I'm back by Eminem classic example) , or do you sound like Mother Goose no matter the beat cadence. (My pet peeve: since when do we make songs where we have a beat but the emcee ignores it completely and just talks to the music, just messin' up the flow of the song)

So based on these 3 points, is Superman going to make a wave in the history of hip hop, much less music? Not a chance in hell but hey, he's able to feed his family and give his mother a nice house with that money and send his younger siblings to good schools, so I won't sweat the technique. Although, I will say this, me being in that position, to have just one opportunity to put something out into the hip hop world, I don't think I could sleep at night knowing it was "Superman" but I guess that's why I'm getting a PhD and not laying anything on wax.

Anyway, I had to get my peace out on that. I'll leave with a hot southern song (since certain folks seem to think I have a bias against...I love my southern folk, it's where 95% of black folk have roots in this country): Georgia by Field Mob, Ludacris, and Jaime Foxx....peace and love....I'm out....

30 things I've learned

2008-11-18T23:47:00.000-08:00

Wassup people? I'm writing this to you from a new decade in my life, the 30's. It was a wonderful week of birthday festivities capped off with a trip to DC with my queen. I thought it would be fitting to do a list of 30 things learned in these 3o years. I look forward to the next 30 and all there is to learn as well. Hope all is well with everyone out there and enjoy Thanksgiving.

1) Nobody is perfect....but God is.

2) My parents are much smarter than I gave them credit for.

3) Don't sacrifice the future for now.

4) Running from my problems gets me nowhere but in a circle, better to hand them to One who can take care of them.

5) Everyday can be amazing if you seek out the small things.

6) It's not all about me.

7) Never trust a big butt and a smile.

8) The grass is always greener on the other side when you never look at your own.

9) I CAN have my cake and eat it too.

10) True love waits.

11) Never settle.

12) Telling the truth is painful sometimes, but someone will ALWAYS find out if you don't.

13) Impatience is pride (see #6)

14) Every generation thinks they know more than the former and the latter.

15) We're not as smart as we think.

16) Life does not peak in high school.

17) The past is the past for a reason.

18) Worry makes you old faster and does nothing to solve the problem.

19) He always knows better what I need than I do.

20) What goes around, comes around.

21) Time does not heal all wounds, forgiveness does.

22) It's never too late to do the right thing.

23) People will always talk about you; make sure it's for the right reasons.

24) The rich get richer and the poor fight the wars.

25) All is vanity unless it's a life lived in His will.

26) Most will never know that Christ is the only way, but it doesn't stop Him from trying.

27) Time moves fast enough, nothing I do will rush it.

28) Crushes are chemical, but love is spiritual.

29) No picture can ever capture the way the Grand Canyon looks.

30) Life goes on....

so history is made...now what?

2008-11-04T20:56:00.001-08:00

Wassup people? Hope this finds you well. I'm writing on the night that history has been made, we now have a president of African descent in office. Political policy aside, it is very significant. A lot of people have been saying that they are surprised? I can't say that I was, I think it was set up for it to happen. We had a horrible economy, a war we shouldn't have been in, and a government that favored the agenda of the USSR at times. But what does it mean?

I think it means that we now have many other hurdles to jump. Honestly, I think many folks have this idea in mind that we've reached the promised land and tomorrow all will be milk and honey. Really, now it is a matter of responsibility. We're now responsible for taking the lead in realizing that minorities and those from low socioeconomic status can reach higher goals. Now, there is no one to blame or to allow to hold us back. Now, we can't allow ourselves to be portrayed ignorantly on television or look in the mail for a reparations check. Now is not the time to look to the government to solve all the problems (best believe we'll have new ones, big government always does that) but to look at ourselves and to the Father to seek out a way to make our lives worth living.

Will this happen? I doubt it. Tomorrow, next month, a year from now, there will be still those wrapped up on their own world, blaming others, helping no one and hoping to get a quick fix and an easy life. Corruption will still take place, there will be still a generation of children being sacrificed for the almighty dollar, and we're still heading toward becoming a hedonist society bent on satisfying our own needs and expecting the government to protect our rights and yet remove them by deciding what's best for us and our money.

Do I hope for change? Of course, but not by the hands of government but by my own in the people around me and those I influence in the future. I do hope that this historic moment will inspire little black boys and girls to realize that no one can hold you back from anything if you believe God can make it happen. Whether conservative, liberal or moderate, I hope that children will take note in that there is nothing to hold you back in this country but yourself and I hope it inspires them to stand up for whatever they believe in. I hope that all children watching history being made and all those I hope to influence one day take note of that. I hope we can now as black people realize there is no longer any reason to act up or be ignorant, but to represent ourselves with class and dignity. I hope to not see anyone booty dancing on TV for Obama or pouring out liquor for they homies for those who can't see this. Remember, we gotta do better. All eyes are on us now.

I do say that I pray that there won't be a backlash. Yes this country has come a long way, but we still have a long way to go. There are still those who will see this as the beginning of some alleged race war and escalate racial hatred to another level.

There is still a lot to do and now is not the time to rest on laurels but to work that much harder to make the dream a reality.

I pray for the country as always, no matter who's in office. May God's will be done regardless. Peace.....I'm out....

S.O.T.P.: Waiting on the world to change by John Mayer

I wonder...

2008-10-06T14:24:00.000-07:00

Wassup people? I'm at my limit right now, should be finishing some optics HW but for some reason, I've come to a head with this election. I'm listening to both sides all around me and it's something that I've realized: most people are completely ignorant of politicians, their stands and voting records. I've looked at all the candidates, including stances and voting records and if I was not a man of faith, I'd be scared as hell. I fear McCain and the fact that he really doesn't have any details on the his plans once he gets into office. I'm amazed at his soccer mom VP and the fact that she can't make sense in interviews. I wonder if the runner up in the Miss Alaska pageant really realizes she's one 72 year old's heartbeat from running a major power of the Western world. I wonder how in the world he's going to convince the world that we need to stay longer in the Middle East when you only cry wolf so many times. I wonder if the religious right will soon realize that the Republicans have been pandering to them for too long a time and it's time to take your votes to independent parties that truly support their issues.

I see Obama and think he's either living in a dream world or if he's lying when he believes that increasing capital gains tax and taxes for the top 10% of the wage earners won't discourage foreign investors and domestic from creating jobs in this country. I wonder if people realize that Obama made a good deal of money of this bailout plan with his heavily vested interests in Fannie Mae. I'm curious as to whether why Obama associated himself with so many shady characters knowing that it could affect his political career: Wright, Ayers, Rebozo. I wonder when black folk will realize that the dream of having a black man in office stems from the idea that they will finally get their 40 acres in a mule since the government has always been and always will tell us what we want to hear and deliver nothing. Could it be from a slave mentality that as long as the government (massa) takes care of me, I'll be ok? Are people aware that the housing collapse took place really because Jimmy Carter in 1977 enacted the fair housing act, while though it sounds good, really just allowed for every Gomer Pyle and Ray-Ray Jenkins with bad credit and suspect bill paying habits to get houses out of their price range at exorbitant percentages and not all on the Republicans as the Dems would want you to believe and vice versa? I wonder what all this change talk really means since change could be good or bad?

I wonder if both candidates realize that no matter which party is involved , the government will remain large and wasteful in the guise of "regulation" in order to strike fear in our wallets and homes. How come no one has mentioned getting rid of taxes and proposing a flat tax ever!!? Why don't we ever hear more about state autonomy and limiting national government?

Like I said before, if I thought my destiny was completely dependent on who's in office, I'd be scared as hell. Thank the good Lord it's not, He's got my future planned already and that gives me freedom. Freedom to vote for the best candidate, not the lesser of two evils. Freedom to not point fingers at one side or the other, but to just vote and be on my merry way for the next four years. Whoever gets in, I'm pretty much going to be disappointed for the rest of the country. Meanwhile, I will be glad that we can do without election talk for a while, (two years anyway) and I can pray for my dream: to have a no party system that focuses on issues, not gang tactics. Hey, a boy can dream can't he? Viva la Ron Paul.....

S.O.T.P.: Big Brother by Stevie Wonder

DEUCES......

Soundtrack PT II

2008-10-03T14:19:00.000-07:00

I've been saying for a while now that I was going to post this and I finally have. Life is keeping me busy so not much to say right now but there is a whole lot on the mind so you'll be getting new stuff soon. Enjoy and hope all is well. Peace and love....

The Soundtrack To My Life

Opening Credits: I was Made to love her- Stevie wonder

Waking Up: Reality -Adrianna Evans

First Date: Newness-Musiq

Falling In Love: Fallin' in love -Faith evans

The Love Scene: More and More -Brian Mcknight

Rebellious Youth: Me against the world -2Pac

Brush With The Law: Renegade -Styx

Fight Scene: 2nd Round Knockout -Canibus

Breaking Up: Lucille -Anthony Hamilton and Take a Bow -Madonna

Return Of The First Love: Cry me a river -Dinah Washington

Getting Back Together: Can We fall in Love again -Darien Brockington

Secret Love: Just My Imagination -The Temptations

Life's Okay: It Breaks so easy -Johnathan Rice

Mental Breakdown: blackberry Molasses -Mista

Making A Fresh Start: Imagine Me -Kirk Franklin

Driving: Drive -Incubus

Learning A Lesson: This will all make sense someday -John Mayer

Deep Thought: Blue in Green -Miles Davis

Christmas: Christmas Time is Here -Vince Guaraldi Trio (Charlie Brown soundtrack)

Flashback: Fire and Rain -James taylor

Broken Heart: Dreaming with a Broken Heart-John Mayer and Nothing Even Matters -Lauryn Hill

Partying: 1 Thing -Amerie

Achieving The Dream: Stand -Donnie McClurkin

Regretting: Stupid -Toni Braxton

Long Night Alone: When Sunny Gets Blue -Will Downing

Death Scene: Silent Lucidity -Queensryche

Funeral: Best Thing that ever happened to me -Gladys Knight and the Pips

Closing Credits: Happy Being Me -Angie Stone

what about my needs?

2008-09-07T18:29:00.001-07:00

Wassup people? Hope the end of summer was good for you and the fall season is bringing good things. School is on point, keeping me busy, but I feel productive at the end of everyday so that's got to count for something. With all my productivity, I haven't had a lot of time to stay up on the blogs. I was also looking for something to write about and I've been inspired by other blogs and current events but one in particular had me doing the typical "That's my next blog" exclamation and I had to thank Mr. Green for it. (Check the latest entry: why do men cheat for the article)

It's called "Why men have affairs". They give various reasons from neglect to frigidity and everything in between. The start of the article begins with a man and his story of how he and his wife rebounded from his affair. In essence, he explains that they wrote down all these things that they desire from the other other in a relationship and they give their all to satisfy that list. I liked the idea and, as with anything, relationships are different for different people. Although, I can say this, if one believes in universal morals, then it one can agree that deception in a marriage, or any partnership for that matter, can never be healthy. Adultery destroys marriages, plain and simple.

After reading the reasons given by the men, I first thought of one response...what would the women say? Would they talk about how their husbands never touch them except when they want sex? Would they state how he never talks to her anymore except about mundane necessities that focus on responsibilities and bills? Would she mention how these younger days where they discussed the future and exciting hopes and dreams seem so far gone and left behinda coldness? A wise person once said that there are three sides to every story: his side, her side and the truth. In other words, it's all perspective and never does the blame line on just one person's shoulders, maybe most, but never all.

How did these people get to these points? The theories are endless, but my own two cents are what we'll focus on since it is my blog. :o) First, human beings are selfish. We are focused on ourselves by nature, in a sense, it's survival. However, just because something is natural, it doesn't make it right. Many have professed that monogamy is unnatural, but I believe it was at the beginning of creation, however, in the current state of mankind's soul, it takes worth to be faithful. With all the distractions in this world, we tend to focus on what I want, what do I need?This carries over into marriages where each spouse says he/she doesn't do this anymore, they don't care about what I want, but just imagine what it would be if both spouses worked on being selfless: what does he/she need from me? How can I represent the love God has for us to my spouse? We also have the tendency to treat others the way they treat us but imagine what it would mean if we first took the step to give ourselves regardless of how the others treat us? Obviously, this doesn't apply for seriously unhealthy relationships where abuse is taking place; in those instances, it's best to get out of it ASAP.

Second reason: a painful fact is that I don't believe most people are married to who they were they were meant for. This arises from that selfishness and fear once again. What if I don't find someone? What if this is my last option? What if I'm too picky? What if I'm alone for the rest of my life? So we settle, we look for someone who will keep the other side of the bed ward. Here's a nickel's worth of free advice: never settle. If you are in tune with God and seeking Him on hat to desire in a mate, then have faith that He has began a good work is faithful to complete it. Don't base it on society, friends, or even family. Seek Him first and He'll give you not only what you want but what you need. I've had plenty of moments where I wanted to stay with someone that everyone said was good for me, but my spirit wouldn't give a peace about it. If I had tried to convince myself that those women were good for me, I'd be working 5 times as hard at a relationship to make it a good one. Is it impossible? No, but why make life harder? Lord knows it already is.

Why do men cheat? The same reason everyone does something wrong, we can't look past ourselves and our own desires and we're all guilty of that in some way or another; men and women. Look outside of yourself and do the right thing.

S.o.T.P.: "Guess who I saw today" by Chante Moore

I'm out....Peace...

Pt. II

2008-08-25T18:47:00.000-07:00

Now to continue the list:

21. Angry, bitter, hostile, combative, unforgiving single women, become: angry, bitter, hostile and combative, unforgiving wives.

-Wow, can't stress this enough. Please check your baggage at the door because we are not responsible for the stuff done to you in the past, so you got to come to grips with it and give it up.

22. A fundamental understanding and respect of the male ego is a must for all women who want a vibrant and healthy love; DO NOT obtain this crucial information from dishonorable males or from angry bitter women.

-Ladies, let a man be a man. If he's a good one, it won't threaten your femininity, it will justify it.

23. If you choose to be with dishonorable males, pimps, players, thugs, ballers and shot callers, you have absolutely no right to complain when they torch your emotions, abuse you, leave you pregnant and alone, jeopardize your safety and otherwise harm or hurt you. Remember, you have freedom of choice and you chose to be with them!

-You do have freedom of choice, don't make the bad ones like those who fall in love with convicted murderers on death row. This boys are just that, boys playing games, but there is so much more to life.

24. When a man is trying to find himself, kindly bid him adieu… PERMANENTLY! He can find you, but can’t find himself? He shouldn’t be looking for love… he should be searching for the map to Mastering Manhood!

-The only way we can find out who we are is to find ourselves in Him since He knows are hearts better than we know our own. If he or she is saying give me time to figure out me, keep it moving or you'll be waiting around to find that you don't fit in there world. The right person at the wrong time is the wrong person.....period.

25. OK; he wants or is demanding sex but you are not his wife. Write this down: There is no need to wonder, debate or contemplate: he DOES NOT honor or respect you!

-let him find from a hooker if he needs it so bad, NEXT! Seriously, you don't demand it if you're an honorable man.

26. Spoiled women are like spoiled milk, spoiled meat, spoiled fruit spoiled bread and spoiled brats. Get the picture? Don’t become a spoiled woman!

-Spoiled is a mentality, if you show that you don't appreciate what you get and don't give back, then you will get old quick.

27. Expecting a dishonorable male to do the honorable thing is like expecting piranhas not to devour you if you make the mistake of diving into their water.

-can't teach an old dog new tricks, quit saying, "He'll do the right thing this time, it's the 100th, 1000th, etc."

28. You’ve asked these questions, “Why doesn’t he call me more often? Why doesn’t he pursue me more diligently and why doesn’t he show me that he loves me?” Answer; he’s not into you! If you don’t let him go and move on with your life, you will allow him to hinder or block your true love from finding you!

-When we want something, we go after it gung ho and not just for six months or until we have them, the right one will pursue you for a lifetime.

29. All men ARE NOT dogs! Don’t believe, repeat or perpetuate that rampant lie! You will hamper your ability to see and discern the good men who cross your path!

-If you think this, you're just putting out kibble. Start putting out filet Mignon.

30. Some males like to hit women. It gives them a sense of power and control. If you give yourself to one of these abusive males, most assuredly you will become a punching bag and a floor mat. It is critical that you learn how to detect and avoid these cretins!

-If he raises his hand, turn the other cheek....your butt cheek and hit the door. If you can fit it in on the way out, give a swift kick to his jewels for punctuation on the end of the relationship.

31. Promiscuous immoral women are not worthy of an honorable man. They never have been and they never will be.

-Can't turn a ho into a housewife. Ho's atract pimps, housewives attract husbands with careers.

32. Never allow emotionally embittered women to influence you concerning the male gender. If you do, their hatred and unforgiveness will become yours. Soon you will find yourself suspicious, indignant and angry at all men.

-Common sense, if you're around negative people, you'll become negative. Murmuring and complaining never accomplishes anything except more to be negative about.

33. You were not designed, built or destined for abuse, whether: emotionally, physically or financially. If he is an abuser, there is no need to deliberate… he IS NOT the one; leave him now!

-Enough said.

34. Some women live their lives vicariously through the women on “Girlfriends, Sex In The City and Desperate Housewives.” Don’t become one of these women. If you do, you will make a literal mess of your life, emotions, physical body and well-being.

-The women on these shows are written to be shallow and dim witted and those who would fashion their entire lives around these characters do so because they don't have their own life. Good men avoid these types of women.

35. When a man truly loves you, he will honor and respect you. If he doesn't… don’t deceive yourself and don’t allow him to defraud you; he DOES NOT love OR care about you!

-Plain and simple.

36. Everyone has skeletons in their closet? Wrong! Not everyone has skeletons in their closet. Don’t start putting any in yours!

-Those who want to grow continuously clean out their closet to be able to live for today and not yesterday. Don't get in the trap of living in the past.

37. There is a vast difference between sex and love. Most men know the difference and you had better learn it fast! If you fail or refuse to do so, you are surely headed for relationship or marital crash and burn.

-Love does not equal sex, sex comes once true love is established and is declared openly. Save yourself the headache and keep it out of the equation for a while.

38. Don’t deceive yourself, once you have sex with a man who is not your husband… he may never admit it, but he has lost a degree of respect for you. Don’t believe it? Ask any honorable man or virtuous woman.

-This one is up to the person and the path God has for him/her. I do know that I personally made it up in my mind a long time ago that I would marry the woman that I would wait until marriage for so those I did sleep with, I subconsciously decided this will not be the one I end up with but that was my personal path.

39. The dismal cycle of breaking up and making up only works out in the romance novels, television shows and movies. If you are riding that emotional roller coaster get off right now! Your heart, mind and soul will forever thank you.

-Break up once. Once. Once. If it didn't work the first time, it won't again. It's not a marriage, you don't have to work on reconciliation.

40. Nothing is more beautiful, captivating, attractive and sensual than a woman with a gentle and peaceable spirit!

-Amen to that, the sexiest thing about a woman is a beautiful spirit. It stuns a man daily.

...and so end's the 40. Take from it what you will. S.o.T.P.: True Love by JonB.

Peace.......

_0 things you need to know about_____(fill in the blank)

2008-08-22T17:02:00.001-07:00

Salutations, folks, hope this finds you well. School has started back up again and I'm thinking my writing may fall off a little with the commencement of papers, books and teacher's dirty looks (ahh, elementary school), so I figure I'll get some things in while I can. This blog took several twists and turns before it was even written. The start of the journey came from one of the blogs to the right, Mr. Green's which had posted 30 things men should know about women. For this particular list, I wasn't too excited about since it had a tendency to make women sound shallow and 1 dimensional (which of my own experience is one thing I've not found women to be) so I set a quest to find a list I could get some juicy pearls of wisdom. I put in a Google search for "things men should know about women" and don't you know it, a ton of lists came up with all sorts of numbers: 5, 10, 20, 37, 100, 200, etc. Reading through the lists was no comfort and I came to an epiphany, any woman (or man for that matter) who can be conveniently wrapped up into a microwave list of do's and don'ts is not worth your time. People are capable of the most wondrous achievements and heinous crimes; we're insecure, kind, jealous, giving, stingy, rude, supporting, racist, loving, bitter, hateful, hopeful, faithful, nuturing, wondrous and complicated mergers of triumphs and disasters, all 4 billion of us. That's terrifying and exciting all at the same time.

Are we capable of good advice on recognizing certain situations? Of course and that's what I believe this lists should focus on, rather than the opposite gender and attempting to fix a label to them. We're all guilty of it, me included, because we tend to fear the uncertainty in people that we come across. This very reason is the source of stereotypes; we try to assign reason to an unreasonable world.

So to be fair, I decided to try the opposite: what women should know about men and see if they were close. I found a good one so I'll share it with this and the next blog and give some feedback.

1. There are two types of males: Dishonorable males and honorable men. Don’t date or marry until you know how to tell the difference between the two! The woman in the mirror will graciously thank you.

-Been saying this one since jump, what most of my blogs are on. Verdict: True

2. Honorable men are protectors. They will guard your heart, protect your emotions, defend your honor and stand as champions for your spiritual, mental and physical well-being; choose an honorable man and choose life!

-Amen to that.

3. You are not a car; if you meet a man who wants to test drive your physical body, emotions and feelings, point him to a car dealership, bid him adieu and don’t look back!

- So true....

4. This is a true saying: “The soul of a woman is fragile.” Please note: dishonorable males refuse to respect this crucial truth. They will toy with a woman’s emotions without any semblance of concern or compassion. Therefore YOU must guard your heart from these cold-hearted males with all diligence.

- This is true, but also know that we are all in different points in life. Avoid him, yes, but also know he may learn and mature if he dedicates his life to self-improvement, and yes, it does happen.

5. Good men need to be treated like good men, dishonorable males, need to be let go and left alone!

- To piggyback on Alicia, know a good man's worth as well....

6. OK ladies; you’ve met this great guy, but he’s got a child or children for which he does not take care of, provide for or see to. Follow these instructions to the letter: urgently send him back to the mother(s) of his child(ren) and don’t look back. Don’t make the same mistake the mother(s) of his child(ren) did!

- If he can't make his children a top priority, he won't with you either...

7. Dishonorable males treat sex as a sport, females as trophies and children they sire as wastepaper. Never allow yourself to become their next score, mantle piece or sperm repository.

- Like my man Comm said, "There's too many black women who can say that they mothers, but can't say that they wives..."

8. Women who hold grudges, seek vengeance, cling to bitterness and are unwilling to forgive, unwittingly break their own hearts!

- Bitterness kills, simple and plain truth. It consumes you until there is nothing left more than anything else...give it to God...

9. Choose the wrong mate and you might as well have laid next to a boa constrictor or grabbed the ears of a raging mad pit bull. A smart woman learns how to choose her mate wisely!

- Sounds almost Proverbs-like....I like this Solomon type knowledge...

10. Heed the sage advice of some caring brothers and honorable men. If he doesn’t fit - don’t force him, just relax and let him go. Destiny is on your side… TRUE LOVE will find you!

- I can't second this motion enough, true love will find you, faith is the seed, thankfulness waters it and true love is the vine that grows...

11. Momma’s boys belong with only one type of woman; their moms! Ladies, these mothers and their sons will never cut their grotesque umbilical cord. Therefore, for your sake, leave them alone and just let them trot home to their mommies.

- Look for those mothers who are willing to commit their sons to God and trust Him to guide them....

12. Self-love: if you don’t have it, pull yourself off the market. Make no mistake about it, if you don’t love yourself, NO MAN can ever love you… no matter how great a man he is.

- This is a caveat because this comes from knowing that He made you for a reason and that gives you worth. The focus must be on Him, not you, then you see yourself as He sees you...

13. Don’t judge ALL men by one man’s actions; unless you want ALL men to judge you based on the acts of amoral women.

- At the risk of sounding churchy, "Weeelllll...."

14. Most women learn how to choose a mate the hard way; they go through a gut wrenching string of emotionally detached males, jerks, pimps, thugs and players. Don’t become one of those heart broken and bitter women! Learn how to properly choose a mate before it’s too late! The woman in the mirror will graciously thank you.

- Better yet, let God bring him, works much better that way....

15. You wondering, “If I move in with him, is he going to marry me?” Answer: “Not likely!” Don’t believe it, take these two critical tests: (a). Ask any honorable man! And, (b). Examine the ever-growing list of disillusioned women who are begrudgingly waiting for their non-committal live-in lovers to pop the big question.

- Umm, let me answer this for you, not only no, but Heeelll no...hold out for those who want to do it the right way....

16. Do you keep attracting men who are dogs? Check the scent you’re putting out. Men who are dogs are attracted by scent!

- Stop hanging out in kennels as well.....

17. You are not a man! Therefore, you will never be: a role model for men, a father figure, a man’s mentor or a man’s coach. If a man has lacked proper male leadership in his life, kindly send him on his way. Know for a certainty; he is not prepared for the responsibilities that come with love, sex, relationship and marriage.

-Another reason I love my father....

18. If you don’t know what a misogynistic man is, take this time to check your dictionary. For your sake, sanity and safety, avoid these treacherous males at all costs.

- There is no reason to hate women, just like there shouldn't be to hate men, if he does, avoid at all costs for sake of your life before you're the victim in a murder trial on Dateline....

19. Don’t ever delude yourself! Your beauty, fine body, sexual prowess, cooking skills, femininity and vibrant personality will never be enough to change a man, NEVER!

- Nope, we can only look to the Father to let Him change us as we learn Him, you can't do it for us....

20. If your potential mate does such things as: promises to call you but doesn’t, makes dates and breaks them, shows up late or plays games with your emotions; take notes ladies... those are clear cut warning signs that he DOES NOT value you, he DOES NOT love you and he DOES NOT care about you!

- If a man has no integrity, how much of a man can he be?

This is the first half, there will be 20 more the next blog. S.o.T.P.: Complicated by Robin Thicke. I'm out, peace and hair grease......

Soundtrack of Life Vol. 1

2008-08-14T17:42:00.001-07:00

Wassup people? Hope you're wrapping up your summer well. I'm trying to enjoy my last few days of freedom before it's back to waking up to the alarm and commuting to campus. My time has not been all lounging and relaxing, however, since I felt the urge to finally complete my soundtrack of life (thanks to my sister for the wonderful idea). The selection process was really the hinderance in this process because there were several rules that I mulled over in my mind as to what should be applied. Finally, I just decided one thing: what made you feel that warm tingly feeling in my core, what songs gave me a sick feeling every time I hear it stemming from some deep seeded melancholy related to the song; not necessarily related to someone but just from the feelings it made me experience just hearing such sorrow or joy rarely captured in music. The songs are autobiographical in nature, recalling to mind times in my life of contemplating the future or abstract concepts such as love, pain, meaning of life, God, etc. I chose the number from a standard album including a bonus track. Now without further adieu, I give you my soundtrack...

1) "My cherie amour" (from the album "My Cherie Amour") by Stevie Wonder:

What an amazing song and it brings to mind my early exposure to Stevie and how he helped me fall in love with music and with love. My parents would play his music every Saturday and on road trips for as long as I can remember. From those early moments listening to lyrics of wistful hope, passion, love, justice, new life and joy, I knew then that I wanted to write and I wanted to write like Stevie, one of the most influential artists in music history. This song in particular had me wondering what it would be like to be in love and as I got older, helped to embrace the strange satisfaction of unrequited love. I can say even now, knocking on 30, this song still reminds me of love's purity and the fulfillment of what you've desired for so long. They don't write 'em like this anymore.

2) Lady Blue (from Weekend in L.A.) by George Benson:

George was played to me since I was in the womb and since then his music has always led me to thank God for music. Lady Blue was always my favorite and it always gave me the sense of the blues that I relished. It's a wonderful rainy Saturday afternoon song that speaks to those who just love good live music and wonderful writing and makes one appreciate those by their side.

3) Seems So Long (from Music of my mind) by Stevie:

Since he's my favorite artist, he's the only one with a double appearance. An amazing song that makes me think not only of my childhood and listening to this song, but being grown and finally realizing what it meant. Those who know me know I went through some tough lessons in love and it really did seem like forever until my queen came. Now this song speaks so much more to me than during all that time waiting and wondering. A must listen.

4) NY State of Mind (from Turnstiles) by Billy Joel:

I know, most wouldn't expect this one, they probably think of the one by Nas (which I love too) but this song is special. Being my father's son, I grew up on C.C.R., the Doobie brothers, Paul Simon, Elton John, 3 dog night, Jim Croce and many others including Billy and it gave me such a wide appreciation for all forms of music, literally. In the 80's it seems all movies were set in NY (and that really hasn't changed) and it gave me a romantic vision of what NY must be like. Since I lived in CT for 3 years, I got several chances to go down to the city and I can still say, there are many things to love there. This song helps me recall all those wonderful memories of Greenwich village, Central Park, Brooklyn brownstones, Grand Central Terminal, Metro Museum of Art and all NYC's glory. Good times, great oldies....

5) A song for you by Donny Hathaway:

This one has been sung by many, but none sang it like Donny. He sang it so well, many thought it was his own, but it was actually written and performed by Leon Russell. Not much to say to this, but it will give you a heavy heart just because it makes you realize that are so many songs that have been and will be written and very few will ever reach the emotion of this song. I can hear this a million times for the rest of my life and every time, I'll have to fight tears. It's simply beautiful and......it's just beautiful and even that word fails to capture it's character.

6) I'm on my way ( from So Much 2 Say) by Take 6:

A little known song but one of my early favorite groups and favorite songs. This song wrapped up for me at an early age that my life was going to dedicated to finding and doing God's will for my life and representing His Son on earth as best I can and nothing and no one would keep me from that. I've fallen many times but have He's always picked me back up and put me back on solid ground and guided me with my hand in His. This song expresses that perfectly.

7) One last cry (from self-titled album) by Brian Mcknight:

Wow, this song....this song... this one is what has me buy every album Brian drops on the day it comes out. It's a song that a close college friend used to eloquent say that it makes you "want to crap twice and die" and that's a good thing. It does give you just a deep pain in your gut because it truly is a beautiful expression of what it's like to lose someone you love. Funny thing is, I've never lost anyone that close in terms of family (praise be to God) and no one that isn't here now has meant this much to me in the romance department, but when I hear it, you just feel blessed that sorrow exists because it makes you appreciate joy that much more. A wonderful, wonderful, wonderful song.

8) Soon as I get home (from Faith) by Faith Evans:

Mmm, mmm, mmm. This song I could play twenty times a day since the day I first heard it (back in high school) and it still feels like the first time. It's the song that captures romance and a deep seated love that needs to be expressed as soon as reunion happens. I always imagined my queen playing this for me after a fight and just knowing that whatever it was about, it's not as important as she is. And it works on so many levels; it's romantic, timeless, and you can still make babies to it. :o) It will be in regular rotation for the rest of my life.

9) They Reminisce over you (T.R.O.Y.) (from Mecca and the Soul Brother) by Pete Rock and C.L. Smooth:

A hip hop classic from one of the top five DJ's of all time. T.R.O.Y. was written by C.L. after the death of his boy T. Roy, one of Heavy D's boyz, and if you ever get a chance read what it says on Wiki about how he describes his inspiration for this song, it brings a tear to the eye. For me it reminds me of my early affair with hip hop and just good music and good times. It's a song that can be put on at any party and everybody will get up and start moving and think back on all the good times. The bass line, the sample, the lyrics; the recipe for hip hop that stands the test of time.

10) Stop this Train (from Continuum) by John Mayer:

One of my top five favorite artists, John captures adept guitar skills with wonderful lyrics and has influenced a lot my own writing. This song in particular, the first time I heard it, I thought it was so depressing.... and I loved it. It conveys that fear of growing up and the doubt that sometimes comes with it, how we at times we can feel that everything is flying so fast and you just want to hold on to what you have before it goes. "So scared of getting older, I'm only good at being young". So many can relate, it's why we say 30's the new 20, but it's not really, it's still 30. John reminds us that you got to embrace it because it's inevitable and it ain't so bad, better yet, it's a blessing.

11) I Used to Love H.E.R. (from Resurrection) by Common:

What can I say? This song sums up perfectly my love affair with hip hop. It's my favorite hip hop song because it's a genius concept: anthropomorphism of hip hop. I've written several earlier posts on this subject so I won't go into it now. Just love H.E.R. and I always will.....

12) I Remember You by Nat King Cole:

Simply breathtaking, a timeless song that captures eternal love that spans dimensions. This is recent listen since I only heard it early this year but at the moment I heard it, I knew it would be played at my wedding and anniversaries because it declares a passion that knows no time. For those who will be at my wedding, expect this one and bring a tissue, you'll need it.

Bonus Track) Bein' Green by Kermit the Frog:

I'm going to catch flack from TQ and others for this one, but it brings to remembrance my childhood, but I'll tell you this, even if you're grown, it makes you appreciate exactly how God made you and it was for a purpose. No matter our age, we have to be reminded that we are special and mean something in this world. My sister told me that they played this at Jim Henson's funeral... I can't believe there was a dry eye in the house after that.

I'm out...hope you enjoyed and make some memories this last bit of summer....PEACE!

the dance that is politics

2008-08-06T17:41:00.000-07:00

Hola, peoples! I'm hoping all of you are enjoying the last bit of summer that is left before it's back to the fall and the grind. One major event coming this fall is the presidential election and after reading and watching the news to watch the progress. A few points have become apparent:

1) It was no mistake that McCain and Obama were pitted against each other in this election. Both candidates have (supposedly) reached across the aisle to work with those on the other side. Little do most know, they were on those matters that are not really divisive issues.

2) Speaking of divisive issues, the only thing that both candidates seem firm on is their belief is how the war should progress. Obama has refused to budge on his belief on setting a time table while McCain thinks this is bad. Just based on this alone, I would hope Obama wins it and stands by his word.

3) Despite what liberal media would have you think, this race has been neck and neck since they both were nominated for their parties. Many polls told us in the beginning that Obama had as much as a 15 point lead. Didn't they say the same about Kerry in '04 and weren't they sure he won based on exit polls?

4) People should not neglect the fact that some of Congress is up for re-election and their half-a** attempt to get legislation for energy costs cuts should not be quickly forgotten in November.

5) On average about 1/3 of the country decides every two years the destination of this country for the other 2/3. Is that a good or bad thing?

6) The last two times we had a Republican president, we were in a recession. On top of that, they were father and son. Things that make you say hmm.....

7) Even with that fact, McCain could still win. Why? Because if he's smart, he'll point out Obama's voting record in Congress shows a WHOLE LOT of no votes and a few votes on non-divisive issues. The only one he did vote on and stand by: going to war.

8) Do celebrities walking around with Obama's shirts and endorsements even know anything about his views or as always, are they just following trends in order to stay up on TMZ and Inside Edition?

9) The war has lost importance to the economy and energy policy. They both have an energy plan but can they give me a reason why we're paying for gasoline shipped from Japan and we have other countries drilling right of our shores for oil? It's like America is the kid in the back of the class with the headphones on while everyone else is getting out the class because they hear the fire alarm.

10) Will the religious conservatives finally recognize that now that the nomination of McCain just goes to show that the party takes them for granted and have being paying them lip service since Reagan? Will that be enough to keep them home on election day?

This should be interesting come September when the heat will really start to pick up. The biggest question as always with either of them, will they keep their promises if elected? Time will tell. Viva la Ron Paul.....

S.o.T.P.: Bread and Butter by the Roots because we livin' in a serious situation in this country right now....

I'm out....peace....

9th Wonder: a new hero to add to the list

2008-08-04T13:42:00.001-07:00

Wassup people? As always, I hope you're living the champagne wishes and caviar dreams. I know I'm supposed to be making this the post that listed my soundtrack of my life, but that project is ongoing (hey it's hard taking 4400 songs and whittling them down to 12) so know that the work is going into it, especially now that I know that I have exactly 16 days left to enjoy my summer before it's back to the pursuit of the great and powerful Oz aka the PhD.

Anyway, you all know my love-hate relationship with hip hop; the constant fights and degradation on both our parts and then the inevitable makeup session when a pivotal album drops or I listen to a hidden gem that goes below the radar and I happen to find it surfing the net. Well, a few months ago, I had heard that 9th wonder was dropping an album with Buckshot and since he's probably my top 3 favorite DJ's, I knew I had to cop it. While waiting for the release date (with artists I like, I support, no bootlegging for those puttin' in the work) I looked up any buzz on the album. I came across this interview they both did:

http://ldntimes10.wordpress.com/2008/05/01/9th-wonder-buckshot-interview-formula-done/

Now the whole article was very good but some points stood out to me that showed why I have so much respect for 9th. First, it was the explanation of the term "adult contemporary hip-hop". So well put, I couldn't have put it better. To think that hip hop is now 35 years old and has been going on longer than I've been alive is both inspiring and humbling. To know that 35 years ago this summer, Cool Herc DJ'ed his first block party and invented the 2 turntable break beat almost brings a tear to the eye. Little did Clive Campbell know that from simply wanting to play the break beats longer, he would give birth to b-boying, DJ'ing, graffing, and Emcee'n. Now think of those people at that party, if they ranged in age from 15-25, they now range from range from from 50-65! That's right, those who experienced the birth of hip hop are grandparents and even great-grandparents. This implies that there is a generation of 30 and 40 somethings out there still making music after all these years. In this day and age of 106 and Park and Rap city, this generation is neglected, assumed to just give up on hip hop and settle down to contemporary R&B and oldies. How sad, because even as I write this, there are those who are writing up their mortgage checks and their kids' private school tuition checks to Grandmaster Flash, UTFO, Tribe, Nas, Dr. Dre, Blackstar and Common, hoping for artists who are still making music they can relate to, not throwing D's on it or bangin' in a white T. (I'm a grown a** man, what do I need to that that for?) Like 9th said, there is a market for it, it's growing and it has more money than this new generation. If you listen to radio you have Oldies, Classical, 70's and 80's, contemporary pop and R&B, and "urban". But where is the adult contemporary hip hop?

Another good point that 9th made was about today's generation and lack of respect. Now, we've always known from the beginning of creation that the successive generations spend so much time defining and distinguishing themselves from the previous that they don't acknowledge all that their forefathers DID do for them. 9Th teaches a hip hop class at NC Central U. (go Eagles) He mentions Busta Rhymes and the kids respond "he's old". Sad, he's old and yet better than 95% of anybody who dropped anything in the last 5 years. 9th points out that this generation has a short attention span, more than 5 words in a lyric, they tune you out. They are not the generation that heard, "Slip the juice, I gotta enough to go around..." God, that gives me goosebumps just reading that lyric!!!

These are the kids who are hittin' up "this is why I'm hot", a nursery rhyme to old heads, I hear today's rhymes and I feel like I'm in kindergarten learning how to rhyme words. Our generation was the one that tried to determine how fast could you rhyme and still do it clearly, even when Jigga dropped that was his MO. Check his early stuff with Jazz-O. This generation can't name the 9 members of Wu-Tang and are dropping the class in the first few days because it's one that's been force fed everything through the internet. They don't have that joy of hitting up the record store on a release date or digging through crates to find gems. We didn't have internet in those days; we had our legs and word of mouth. Yo MTV raps came on once a week on Saturday for half an hour; during the greatest time of hip hop no less!

I'm thankful for 9th and his efforts as well as my boy Ernest Minor (the Rev) and others who are making these classes a reality in institutes of higher learning across our country. They are my heroes. What can the rest of us do? Pay homage to the history and realize that it is a MAJOR aspect of black history and needs to be treated as such. It is the voice of at least three generations and hopefully more to come. I can't wait until the day my future offspring start digging through my crates....."Slip the juice, I gotta enough to go around.....I want a girl with extensions in her hair, bamboo earrings at least two pair.....Bonita Applebum, you gotta put me on..." This is our history, each one teach one.... I'm out.....

S.o.t. P. : "Juice (Know the Ledge)" Eric B. and Rakim

Where is she? I'm ready...oh she's here? Wait, am I re

2008-07-23T16:14:00.001-07:00

Wassup people? As always, hoping to find you blessed with this post. Recent inspiration from TQ and other sources has me writing a new post. Now, personal growth comes from brutal honesty with yourself and the honest truth is we are not perfect and some us are just completely out of wack because we don't realize that fact. Example: I had prayed for years for the One to come along and kept saying I'm ready, I'm ready, what's taking so long? Once she came on the scene, first question popped into my head, "Am I ready for this?" The truth is that whatever comes along that the Father sees fit to bring along into your life, you're never ready. If we were, we wouldn't need Him. The focus should really be instead on being impatient and demanding perfection in those around you. Ask yourself, "Am I'm stepping up? Am I providing honesty and agape love to those around me, or am I blaming everyone else for my own problems and unhappiness?" I've realized all those years that I complained about not finding the right woman, I was delaying the right one because I focused on others rather than myself. I know now that if she'd come anytime before now, it wouldn't have worked, He was still wrapping up loose ends and waiting on me to shut some doors. If I had had my way, I'd screw up my chance at true happiness. Thank God I'm not running my own life. The only thing I can control is my choice to either make today a day about letting Him show me what I can do for others or I can sit and complain how things aren't the way I want them. It's your choice. Remember, you're only ready when He deems it so, not when you do. Change your attitude and your latitude changes as well.

I gotta give a shout out to Mr. Green. I've added his blog to my list of links on the side, always good to see positive brothas not only speaking truth but helping others in our community realize it. Keep doin' ya thing, man.

S.o.T.P. : Hesitation by Eric Roberson...a fitting joint for this post....

Next up: soundtrack of my life

I'm out with the quickness....Peace and blessings...

apology letter

2008-07-21T15:55:00.000-07:00

Circumstances of today have me reflecting deeply so I thought a twist for today's entry. A few years ago, Congress issued an apology for slavery. Unfortunately, all those who should have been apologized to are dead so a day late and a dollar short as they say. However, women have been, still are and always will be here so I decided to try to capture what good men and those who will be good men one day (if only in their minds) should speak on to the fairer gender. I'm hoping all men can one day cosign on the same sentiment. Hope you enjoy....

Ladies,

First and foremost, we simply ask for forgiveness. We took you for granted from the days of Adam and too many times blamed you for our own shortcomings. It was forgotten so quickly that you are the crown of creation, you were the completion, the last thing the Father created in order to consummate the beginning of nature as we know it. We, as men, saw things completely through the eyes of usefulness and your capability of performing a task rather than, first and foremost, a beauty. There have been others who saw you as only a pretty object to be put on a shelf and ignored for the most part except in instances we desired you for selfish reasons. It was failed to be realized that beneath that excellence lay a soul yearned to be searched and embraced.

You were put into roles of submission beneath men's desires and told to accept your role and love it; given the compliant position without a love and tenderness that we tend to lack when we don't use the example of the Father as guidance. Other times, we left you completely alone to defend yourself against a world that desired to diminish and humiliate you because of jealousy of your position at the pinnacle of creation. You fought the role as father and mother too many times while we went off to satisfy our own egocentric desires. You developed a fear and mistrust that added to your burden of waiting for Him to bring your soul mate. The wall around your heart begin to grow thick and dark, pushing all semblance of compassion to the back to hide in the deepest recesses of your mind.

You have been pursued for a time by some until you were captured and then taken for granted. We failed to realize that you crave to be pursued everyday of your life. You have desired from a young girl to imagine your prince to come one day and represent His love for you. Within each and everyone of you, there lies a desire to not only be seen as beautiful and precious, but also to be needed, to be the only one who can save our lives. We tended to forget that you were removed from our side, fashioned from our rib to be our partner, not from our foot to be our servant. The desire for romance too often was ignored under the guise of "not being practical". Times you just wanted us to make a day of you and remind you that you are the greatest blessing we've ever been given: as our lovers, wives, and mothers.

You have been set against each other by our own personal agendas. Women began to blame each other since they were unable to capture the heart of men who were not worth capturing. We used many of you at one time and told you simply the lie that "that's just how we're made" when it was our own insecurities at the doubt we could be all things for you. What failed to be discovered was a sentiment from so many women for their man, put best by Mary J. Blige: I know you're just a man, but you're all the man I need. Out of frustration, you turned on each other when the blame lies with us.

We will begin to make it up to you. We will accept our roles as fathers and husbands and remember not only to lead our family, but love our family and not to diminish the significance of the statement "my wife and kids". We will see it as "my life and air". We will be faithful and make everyday a day to show you how many ways you have saved our lives. We will accept our shortcomings, give them to the Father to change, and focus on our strengths as He molds us into a complete work. We will search and seek out the depths of your soul and make you our sun and moon. We will protect you from the world as fathers and show you what type of man you should expect to pursue you. We will take your hand and face life's adventures as a team. We will love you unconditionally, hold you in high esteem, and learn you. Forgive us.

Sincerely,
Sons of Adam

S.o.T.P.: What a woman really means by Donny Hathaway

I'm out...Peace and blessings....

Nas "untitled" formerly known as N****r

2008-07-20T19:13:00.000-07:00

Wassup people? Hope this finds you well as always. As I mentioned last time, I was going to do the review of Nas' new album for this post after I got a chance to critique it. And we begin.....

1) Queens get the Money: The first track starts off with nice piano melody, setting the mood perfect for the album. It's kind of half a song that introduces what the album will be on. I like this track because Nas states he's back to focus on some real issues, not just making money, which is a refreshing change in hip hop. Rating: 4/5
Hot Line: Hip hop was aborted, so Nas breaths life back into the embryo

2) You Can't stop us now (feat. Eban Thomas from the Stylistics and The Last Poets): This track samples "Message from a Blackman" by the Temptations and gives a survey of black history with various black historical figures from Superfly to Crispus Attucks. I like the lyrics, but this sample has been killed quite a bit. Rating: 3/5
Hot Line: Pyramids to cotton fields to Wrigley fields..

3) Breathe: Very hot beat on this one, although lyrics tend back to his older stuff: ie. getting money and overcoming the hatas.... Ehh. Beat definitely gives this all of it's rating. Rating: 3/5
Hot Line: fresh linen,sip Pelligrino with airs on, they sick mixin' they water with Airborne....

4)Make the World Go Around: This song doesn't do too much for me. Toasting to hustle *yawn* which why it probably features the Game and Chris Brown. Rating: 2/5
Hot Line: I burn so much trees, I keep environmentalists angry

5)Hero: THIS SONG IS HOT! It features Keri Hilson and the beat is fire. Nothing too deep but his delivery is sick. Probably my favorite song on the album. Rating: 5/5
Hot Line: Everytime I close my lids, I still see the borough, I still see the bridge...

6) America: I like the beat and it's a deep song focusing on how America is not really as great and wholesome as we want to think. Rating: 4/5
Hot Line: Too many rappers, athletes and actors, but not enough n***as at NASA....

7) Sly Fox: Hot joint...got rock rift over the beat that describes that lovely Fox NEWS channel. As my mother always says: Satan owns FOX. I gotta agree. Rating: 5/5
Hot Line: The only Foxx I love is the Redd one, the only black man that FOX love is in jail or a dead one....

8) Testify: I'm not big on this one, although it starts off pretty funny. It is about whether if I would stand with Nas and testify for him since I buy his songs and understand the struggle. Depends on the trial, I think. Rating: 3/5
Hot Line: I'm loading tefs in my mag, to send these redneck bigots some death in a bag....

9) N.I.*.*.E.R. (The Slave and the Master): I like this song. The focus is to not live down to what America expects of us but to achieve so much more because we've always managed to rise even with our setbacks, many times from our own. Rating: 4/5
Hot Line: This history don't acknowledge us, we were scholars way before colleges....

10) Untitled: Not crazy about this one, although the beat is hot. It contains a sample talking about they couldn't stop Louis Farakhan who we all seem to forget was a part of the conspiracy to kill Malcolm X, how soon we forget. Rating: 2/5
Hot Line: You left full of bullet holes when you tell the people go free...

11) Fried Chicken: I love this song. It's a metaphor about the love affair black folk have with fried chicken and pork even these foods eventually kill us. It's hot and Busta's rhyme about pork is genius. Rating: 5/5
Hot Line: butterflies up in my stomach, when I laid eyes on you or was it infection manifestin', confused over the feelin', impatiently eatin' you, Tricino worm chewin' on the wall of my intestine...

12) Project Roach: LOVE THIS SONG although it's more of an interlude. It has a jazzy beat with the Last Poets showing the nonsense of having a funeral for the word n****r since the mentality never dies. It's compares n****s to the concept of roaches...genius.. Rating: 5/5
Hot Line: We need to have a movement to resurrect brothas and sistas not a funeral for n****s because n*****s...don't.....die......

13) Ya'll my N****s: An intelligent song and I like it focused on how our culture is loved and hated at the same time. Rating: 5/5
Hot Line: marketing companies is hiring blacks, fresh hip hop lingo for your campaign ads....

14) We're not alone: It's a good song, more for the lyrics than the beat and chorus. I like the focus on doing the right things for ourselves and changing our actions to positive ones in our daily life. Rating : 3/5
Hot Line: America's brownin', 20 years from now every town will be brown and latin, an African lookin' Manhattan....

15) Black President: This song samples 2pac's line from " I wonder if Heaven gotta ghetto". It focuses on the idea of actually having a black president (of course Barak). As said before, the idea is appealing, but I'm still wondering if Barak is ready to run this country. He seems he's heading the way of Kerry's campaign where there was a lot of ambiguity in his voting record. More on that later but he's definitely having to walk a tighter line because he is black. Anyway, the song considers what can happen. Rating: 3/5
Hot Line: But on the positive side, I think Obama provides hope and challenges minds of all races and colors to erase the hate.....

16) Bonus Track: Like me: Wack, a pimps and hos song thrown on the end and quite frankly brings down the album on a weak note. Rating: 0/5

Overall Rating: 3.5/5 An overall good album I have to bump it up to a 4 because the garbage that most mainstream artists are coming with, just for Nas to approach the topics on this album shows maturity and depth lacking in the game. I recommend it to all true hip hop heads. I'm out, I'll catch you next time.....Peace and blessings....

yung and dumb....

2008-07-16T16:34:00.001-07:00

Wassup subscribers? I'm currently studying the new Nas album like I'm doing a thesis on it. The consensus: Nas continues to get better with each new album and all credit goes to S dot for that. He revived the focus and the dormant skills that were displayed so long ago on Illmatic. We'll get to that for another post. My main reason for writing today's blog is the following statement taken from a radio show interview with Yung Berg:

“I’m kinda racist…I don’t like dark butts…You know how some women prefer light skin men or dark skin men,” said the “Sexy Can I” rapper during an interview with radio show “Lip Service.” “It’s rare that I do dark butts – that’s what I call dark skinned women…I [don’t date women] darker than me.”

He then tried to justify later by saying he was being sarcastic on another interview, but then somehow went back on it to say he'd never dated a dark skinned woman but almost in a sense that he had no control over that. Besides the fact, that as a man he's going to go for his and honestly it's all about preference. We all look for what we find beautiful for whatever reasons, some are based on the influence of man, others are inherent. My question is why is that brothas tend to be the only ones to justify it by disparaging black women. Wilt Chamberlain did the same thing stating he didn't like black women, so then someone asked the obvious question, "So you hate your mother and your sisters?" Just the fact that they justify it by pointing out their reasons just goes to show that it's not inherent, it stems from this self hate that continues to this day stemming from this country's history of its viewpoints on black skin. Robert DeNiro, Roger Ebert, and David Bowie, Robin Thicke are all married to black women and many actors have dated black women including Jeff Goldblum, Bill Maher, Chuck Norris and others. Do you think any of them went about disparaging white women and saying the reason they can't mess with them is they're too pale or hair to thin? No, they do it because they want to, there is no agenda. Unfortunately, our men choose to give ridiculous reasons for exclusively dating white women or the lightest skin they can find including one classic fool I heard on NY radio. He said the reason was because she always dinner ready, put his feet in his slippers, turned down his bed, and put his toothpaste in his toothbrush. Just at the sound of that, I'm sure he was no loss to any sistas. The sad thing is, from personal experience, if you're worth that, black women will do it too, but they'll do it for a man taking care of home, not an idiot concerned with playing games. Unfortunately, the statistics show that because of men like that, the 35-45 available black men (single, working or in school and not on drugs or in jail) for every 100 black women means little opportunity for sistas to find a good man.

However, if there is one thing I've learned, is that God never plays the odds and knowing that, one can trust He'll bring the one when you're ready and you'll be more than pleased. In the meantime, those fools who choose to disparage our beautiful women will find themselves regretting it eventually. If you're a black queen waiting, be patient and continue praying. Your time is coming, just prepare yourself in the meantime. Trust me, they are some quality men out there, despite what you may find in the meantime. Hopefully, Yung and others like him will smarten up soon but like one of Nas' songs on the new album says: n***as never die, we just have to revive the brother and sisterhood. Be a part of the revival......

S.o.T.P. : To be Young, Gifted, and Black

I'm out, next time: Nas' album review.....

Peace and hair grease.....

don't fear the falling....

2008-07-15T15:52:00.000-07:00

Wassup people? As always, hope you're being richly blessed. Today is the day for getting things done and since I've got a great deal done, I decided to throw a blog in. I went home to VA to see the fam this weekend and as always it was a blessing, the older I get, the more I love 'em because I just get refreshed and my get my soul and spirit fed. I come back with a new direction and renewed sense of faith and anticipation for what the Father is doing in my life and those I love. It also doesn't hurt that they have DirecTV (so much better than cable) so I'm able to catch up on my BETJ, the grown folk version of BET (which is so necessary, I mean have you checked out that channel lately, Baldwin Hills, really? We really need a black Hills? The white is awful in itself, let's not copy that nonsense) and thanks to them repeating everything about 70 times over each month I can get my fix. I happened to catch Boris and Nicole (a lovely couple, I know folks love Will and Jada, but B&N have officially taken my top spot, 2nd being Chante and Kenny) and my man Boris was dropping knowledge, which was a healthy change from his usual dropping women's jaws. The interviewer asked them both for advice on relationships and I was glad with both responses. Besides the standard communication, the one that stood out was the acknowledgement that Nicole takes care of her man and Boris takes care of his woman and they both showed no shame in the traditional roles. I think so often, men and women think they will lose their identity when getting into a relationship if they submit to a traditional role. I think this happens because people fall into something not meant for them and they lose themselves.

However, when you truly find that one made for you, I believe you find a piece of yourself that was put there by God in the creation of your soulmate. It will never become apparent until you find that one and begin to give all of yourself to them. Our society has a thing against submission to another, but Christ himself said the greatest has to be a servant to all. We all want power and authority but fail to realize that that involves the enormous sacrifice of being a slave to all and putting all ideas of self to death. A daunting task, to be sure, but necessary for growth and healthy relationships. It's also the fastest way to learn to love others. So the moral of the story: finding the one does not involve losing your identity, but rather realizing another aspect of it and how the Father has formed you and another to be completely in sync. Just be sure that the person is the one for you and release all fear and doubt and trust Him to reveal you to you.

I'm done but before I go, S.o.T.P. : Love is You by Chrisette Michele....

I'll catch you on the flip...peace and blessings as always....

how I used to run game....

2008-07-09T22:08:00.000-07:00

Wassup people? Hope this entry as always finds you well. Hmm, what's going on in the life....well, I'm happy everyday, enjoying the summer, writing, reading, all night convos, and enjoying life. One of the subjects that have come up came from a recent incident with The Queen (TQ). I think we can all relate to that one person that kind is always in and out of your life for a long time until finally you let that person go. I have mentioned in the past about my own personal burden that I kept trying to turn into a blessing and it just wouldn't fly. It's like the old saying: you can't dress up a pig in a suit and get a man, you just have a pig in clothes. So when TQ got a letter from former mentioned burden and I got the gist of the letter, I was instantly taken back to my days of running game. I'm going to let the ladies in on a secret: now and then, some men figure out the little passive aggressive method of keeping a woman "in love". How does he do this? I shall explain....

1) He comes from a standpoint of wanting to do nothing but do something as simple as spend time with you. This can also be used in the also popular booty call under the guise of " just wanting to hang out". Mmm, hmm, at 3 AM? Ain't nothing open then but waffle house and your place ain't one. In this statement, he's also going to say that he has no intention of any negativity, he doesn't desire to fight or argue or make you feel bad. But wait, he just may have time to do so with.....

2) where he then points out that since he just wanted to spend time, then it must be on your end and you just can't seem to make time for him, thereby making him the pawn in your elaborate scheme to make his world miserable, when remember...all he wants to do is spend time. This leads to the "rant stage"....

3) Here he starts to remind you of all those past moments that you just jerked him around (in his view) when in the past he wanted to make time for you. What he fails to mention is that the reason why you were hesitant in the past is because he made several promises before that and failed to deliver. He's been the salesman for most of your history, always talking about the new product (he's changed, he's different, he's ready to commit) but it's still the same ol' junk. Again, the focus is not on the reason for your "jerking him" around, it's just on your actions.

4) Next, he establishes his feelings and informs you what you can do. "You can call, you can not call, you can get back to me if you ever feel like it..." but whatever you do, his feelings won't ever change (and neither will his triflin' ways).

5) Finally, he will also let make mention of the fact that you can listen to everybody else about him and what to do about him ( he already knows that the people in your life will let you know to drop his petty a** because they truly care about you) but he'll still hold on. This is critical, he tries to convince you are living your life for others and not for yourself because if you weren't you would want him beyond all else: food, water, air...because he's just that hot. Regardless of the fact that your decision is based on sound advice and your innate desire to have something healthy.

If you noticed a theme here, it should be lack of self-responsibility and this works for all types of relationships. One can only change oneself and if they have they will focus on what they will do to improve the relationship. Blame won't come from their end, they will take ownership of their own negative actions. These are the signs of a truly repentant person. To everyone, especially ladies, don't let the other one play the blame game and guilt you into going back. Don't desire drama; a happy relationship is possible, but it only comes with those who desire self-improvement and for that reflect in the health of their relationship. I used to run the guilt game, quite well actually, I played on old emotions and downplayed reason and desire for true happiness. Don't let others do the same to you.

S.o.T.P. : "Only Human" by Jeffrey Osborne A great song, but too common an excuse to give less than your all to someone.

Continue to enjoy the summer....Peace and hair grease....

Star

A star meant for another
a brother that can handle
her white hot
why not me, not for me to know
but for me she's
the brightest in the sky
and her light is all see
be it ever so humble
there's no place
in space that I can be
where her light
doesn't reach me
my first thought is to flee
toward her
avoid her is the second
for fear is getting burned
but I do yearn to embrace
this flame, the same
no man could ever tame
blame can only rest on me
if I get scorched
by this heavenly torch
with views and ideas
that seem to ignite
the old ways like flash paper
her passion will never taper
but can she ignite mine
with my nature so sublime
and content to just relish
and cherish this existence
but looking at her
to think to tempt fate
there's no debate
I have to capture this star

first post for the rest of my life

2008-07-04T14:47:00.001-07:00

Wassup people? I'm currently trying to get a lil bit of housecleaning (literally and figuratively) done before I go enjoy my 4th. I started it off right with a visit to the beach yesterday, got a lil burnt, but not too bad and it's worth not having the farmer's tan (not a good look when you're black). I basically sat and enjoyed sun, surf, music and thought. I got some good advice from Ma dukes (my mother) yesterday and I decided that it would be the subject of my post for today.

So Ma basically pointed out one thing yesterday that was quite profound that was right along with my faith in what the Father is doing in my life. "Close doors so others can open". So simple, yet so moving. See the reason that it hit me so hard is plain and simple. I believe I've found the one I will spend the rest of my life with. I know, after all these years of wondering, worrying, doubting and finally believing, she's here. When something like that happens, the first thing I desired was to shut my past for good and so far many things are happening in my life that is allowing for closure on different fronts. There are a few that I still have yet to take action to make it known that with certain someones, there is no future for us, regardless of what happens in either of our lives, including those that are under the guise of "friendship". Now from surface level, this looks rather hasty to some and heartless to others. However, one is evident: I can't be all I need to be for her (and ultimately Him) if I'm trying to please all others. I have had a bad habit of being nice in the past to spare feelings, only realizing that I delayed the inevitable and hurt them more from lack of stepping up and being honest and fair.

Will this process be easy? By no means, already I've had to be point blank with some who I was not fair to because I held on to "backups" not realizing with God, there is no Plan B. Plan A was always there and I just had to be patient to wait. So essentially, this is it, the first day of the rest of my life in a sense. No more doubt and games, no pain or fear, no random women walking in and out of my life, no setups (thank goodness, I love all who tried, but He always had a better plan) and finally no more melancholy patience of being thankful for His love and presence but hoping for that manifestation of that love in the flesh. She's here.....

S.o.T.P.: "Last First Kiss" by Tamia

Blessings to all and know as always, if I know you, I'm praying God's best for your life.....

And as always one from the archives, finally I can honestly see why I wrote this long ago....

Settled Down

It's been a while
the worth was evident
in that span of time
I still write rhymes
but better than with you
nothing personal, what turned into
an ended romance
gave me the chance to find her
all those thoughts scribed
that never seemed to catch your vibe
she feels me emotionally, not physically
all we seemed to have
it wasn't bad, just unfulfilling
the feeling with her is unique
my interest piqued from the start
cultivated to affection and caring
sharing deep thoughts intensely
helping immensely to see
that love grow inside of me
and now I look at her
with an ache in my heart
so anxious to find ways
to start to show my depth for her
and help her reach the an epiphany
of all inside me
when I say I love her
I think of you and me
but comparison is without merit
she's all I've ever wanted
you to be, I just had to see
that God was teaching
that you can't change second to first
verse by verse
he was writing her song
for me

you and I had great moments
but we have a great lifetime
she's all mine, I can't lie
I don't deserve her
preserve her trust in me
is priority
so I pray for the best
and you're blessed with one
as special as she is to me...

Seasons change....

2008-06-29T14:37:00.000-07:00

Hello people, hope this post finds you well as always. Just got back to the "G" after visiting the family in VA. We had a E Coli scare in the water so I bounced outta town rather than boil all my water for two days. It's always nice to be home, I'm trying to enjoy these times because I have a feeling in the future, I'll have to really dedicate time to planning family visits. So just getting away to spend some time with the fam before I go through some anticipated major life changes is a blessing.

So a few things on the mind today. I got to watch a little of Hip-Hop vs. America II this weekend on BET. Nothing really new on that front, I'm up to here with the whole discussion on misogyny in hip hop and looking to point fingers. Honestly, each one of us points it at ourselves. Everyone is equally at fault and the funny thing about blame, it makes no difference until the one at blame is convicted of it and here's the kicker: I can't do a thing about the recipient of that blame if it's someone else. There's an old saying: you can't change anyone but yourself and that's what I'm going to do. Am I part of the problem? Yes, I can say in the past I've bought music that degraded women, but from the moment I decided to see people through God's eyes, that desire for that music began to wane. Have I come across women who have done some disrespectful things to themselves and others? Of course, and best believe, I avoided relationships with those people. Does that classify her as a bitch or a ho? Who am I to say? I'm not her judge. I can say that for a man who sees a ho, I see a woman without a male influence in her life to show her the worth and value that God has placed in her from creation. It's so easy to look at the outside and write people off society's "it" list; believe me, I'm chief of those who've done it, but what is life but the opportunity to grow and learn? And I'm learning that we tend to blame those for not measuring up to some standard that we feel they should meet in this time of their life, but honestly how could any of us do that for everyone. I belongs to each of us to make that choice for our lives to be a testament to what you can attain and accomplish when you put Him first and love others as you love yourself. So my conclusion to the misogyny in hip hop? I'll teach my daughters what a wonderful creation they are and to remind them they are the temple of God and since He dwells within, respect your temple. I'll teach my sons to be gentlemen, respect a young lady and realize they represent man's other half, we're not complete without them and see them through His eyes. You'd be surprised when you take an honest look at yourself and realize the depth of His love for you; it humbles and challenges to let your life express that to others.

Second thing on my mind, to just offer encouragement to all. I'm of the frame of mind that all of us have one made for us to complete us and until that day comes we are to prepare for that person to come. If you're doing that, don't be discouraged, your king or queen is coming. Don't feel that you have to do anything in the natural, God needs no help, He's got you. Even now, I'm thankful that every detail of my life is planned by divine Hands not by my own limited sight and fickle nature. Be patient, your ship is coming. In the meantime, enjoy the sound of the breeze through trees, a baby's laugh, the first sight of sunshine when you get up, the first bite of your favorite meal, a happy voicemail with good news, it's the little things that make it worth facing the scary uncertain days in life.

S.o.T.P.: "Love is all around" by Adriana Evans; a beautiful song and very fitting of the post. Hope you all have a wonderful week and always if I know you, you're in my prayers....Peace and blessings....

Black Pearl

my world, a nubian girl
a black pearl I found
her speech deep and profound
from a people ancient to this earth
but it's a first
beach she speaks of joyful things
that bring a song to my soul
I lose control of my emotions
when she holds my hand
and I've reached the promised land
when I hear her laugh
as it pours mirth into my dry body
and it runs out in the form of affection
a faint detection, of angels singing
my thanks be to God for bringing
me to her and her to me
who knows if we'll ever see
God's plan and understand his motives
but all I offer is thanksgiving
to Him and to you to be true
to my deep emotions for you
and to respect and revere,
for you come from kings and queens
from Sheba to Solomon
a lot of men crave for you
but for some strange reason
you choose me, far be
it from me to question you
to allow me into your world
where sunset and sunrise rule
and laughter is never cruel
a soul sista with an eloquence
my recompense for a weary world
I have found in you
Black pearl....

The U.S. is the best greatest country in history....

2008-06-23T20:35:00.000-07:00

Wassup folks? Interesting title I know, I happened to catch one of my favorite shows "The Soup" on this weekend and they showed a clip of Sean Hannity, one of Fox News tools of choice, saying how the U.S. was the best greatest country in the world. Besides the obvious horrible choice of adjectives, I really just rolled my eyes as whenever I hear Hannity say anything but then he said something that bothered me. As always, a conservative uses the cloak of "religion" to throw out that "America is the best country that God ever blessed the world with in history". Really, Sean? Not the fact that Rome established a great deal of the government ideals that we "think" we invented, Greece gave us many concepts of science that weren't recognized in Europe for hundreds of years after they had waned, Israel is essentially responsible for the three major religions, Asian and African empires established complex trade routes and kingdoms when men in Europe were crawling around in caves, and yet America is the greatest country that God has ever blessed the world with? I know that since it's Fox News, they make outrageous claims for ratings and I'm not saying it's any different from CNN and liberals saying outrageous "scientific" and "statistical" claims to push their agenda as well. I know both sides go to the extreme, what I have a problem is when they bring God into anything. Don't sully the Father's name to sell something; it's despicable.
This is the same U.S. born out of rebellion to simply higher taxes and suddenly we were this idealistic country? England was not killing or enslaving Americans, although Americans were. Simply, a bunch of rich white landowners got tired of paying their taxes so we have a country. This is the same country that is responsible for manifest destiny, deaths of millions of Native and African Americans, the country that invented the atomic bomb, the Tuskegee syphilis experiments, deaths of government agents from LSD experimentation, Jim Crow laws. The same country that is discriminating when it comes to bringing "liberty and democracy" to certain countries and not others (consequently in countries that we seem to vested interests in hmmm). Let's just leave it at this, I'm blessed despite of this country, not because of it. Not saying it's any worse than any other. All countries are made up and run by people and people are capable of the pinnacle of achievement and philanthropy and also the most wicked and selfish acts that are almost unspeakable. Knowing that, it lies to each man and woman to look in their hearts and decide which they will dedicate their life to. My choice, I choose to leave this world a better place than what I was born into and that includes my country.

S.o.T.P.: Inner City Blues (Make Me wanna Holla) by Marvelous Marvin Gaye

New Verse:

Stimulating, scintillating
sweetheart you're amazing
as I watch you disrobe
all pretensions, apprehension
to display your soul bare
I'll take care to do it slow
to make sure as I go
deep into your mind
to delve into your thoughts
and dreams, it seems
that I can go on forever
although you push my stamina
to the limit
being so intimate
it blows me away
to work your mind
from behind the walls set up
from years of mistrust
but I'll thrust
into your soul
and see your spirit whole
and it's pure and life giving
who needs 12 play
I have play 365
everyday I feel more alive
from what I'm discovering in you
now I'm recovering from our moment
because we did it all fully clothed
with naked souls
just spooning with fingers intertwined
the connection was all between our minds
we climaxed, now relaxed
from our union...

nothing like family....

2008-06-20T19:51:00.000-07:00

People, I have never been so tired and so content at the same time. After a bit of a short night of sleep (which is happening quite frequently, let's just say as the days go by, I crave Houston :o) ) I was able to get up and play some ball which just gets me in the right frame of mind, releasing endorphines and the like. Then, I was finally able to hit the links for 18 holes of golf this afternoon. I had a decent game, got my first par hole on the 8th ever. I'm getting better, but my putting game needs work. As they say, "drive for show, putt for dough".
So the title of the piece refers to my sister. She's one of the few who I know can rival my depth of thought and I know that although she's not saying much, she's got wisdom stewing inside that mind that up until recently, I had not known the extent of. Her blog I had recently began reading and she's got that witty thing down pat. Many of her posts have inspired me with new ideas for future ramblings in my own. I was just talking about how for so long and even now and then today, I still see her as that little three year old girl with cheeks to hide a years worth of gumballs and her toothy smile and pretty brown eyes rockin' a snazzy cosby sweater and corduroys. Now she's a young lady with dreams, thoughts, sarcasm, empathy, and discernment. For all those with older siblings, I tell you the truth, we'll always see you as that little kid, just with all this well rounded depth. Shout out to you Steph, :o) and hope I didn't blow up your spot too much.

I have to pass on some wise words passed to me. I paraphrase as I say this and add my own spin on it ,but it's wonderful truth nonetheless. I think we throw the word love around way to casually these days, which is evident by the fact that we mention every time we talk about shoes, a TV show, a song, a plate of chicken or flavor of instant pudding. The real thing, however, is so far beyond a passing fancy or an chemical response. It's built by getting to know a person, desiring to know how their day went, the patience of wanting to jump right into the physical, the realization that you're not the same but you complement each other, it works through problems with the right person and doesn't run from the adversity, it's being devoted to someone to the point you'd give your life for them without hesitating, it's giving your life daily for them as you put their needs above your own, it's not jealous but secure in what it's built. Love doesn't lie, it doesn't say "what about me", but it does recognize itself. If you don't see these things, maybe love isn't there and you got to wait for it. It's a great guideline to make sure what you're building with someone is real or just temporary. I'm finally realizing this and it's only taken me almost 30 years, better than late than never. Well, it's on time, it really is. :o)

In honor of the two topics, it's a two for one special on the S.o.T.P. First, "Isn't she lovely" by the personification of music, Stevie Wonder to my sister and the second, "This time it's love" by Tamia because I think we all hope for that. Your time is coming, best believe. With that, I'm out. Be blessed and enjoy the weekend.....

Ok, I can't leave without another one, you know this :o)

Pen to pad
pressed and ink flows
with poetry and symphonies
from what used to be silence
try this, sitting in the dark
and a light turns on
I grew fond of the idea
of answering to you
taking a chance with you
seeing if a love affair with you
could grow from a crush
built on the notion
that I could fill your heart
not tear down the walls
just make a door to start
part my way through the apprehension
and the tension, just cool relax
and then it happened
circumstances beyond my control
it was my breath you stole
and then my heart
and now I lay down my life
and my being, seeing
you are the lock to my key
that opened a world
that was only meant for Saturday
matinees, not reality
in this cynical world
but like a flower, you were unfurled
and now I believe
in weak knees and poetry
and daydreams of marriage things
and longing of you next to me......

turning the corner....

2008-06-19T19:21:00.001-07:00

I know, I'm trippin' myself about it, two days in a row and I'm blogging? What can I say, things are just happening, which is ironic considering that I have done little this summer. Today alone was one of those days that I can look back on and can honestly say it was a day that will stand out in my past. Today I decided to get out of the way of a lot of people in my life and let them find their happiness, some went well, others not so well, but it was so necessary. I have been claiming now for the past couple years that this year that I turn 30 will be significant and to say it has is an understatement. Knowing that, I had to make a lot of changes to set up for a wonderful future and so God in His patience and goodness gave me the courage to do it. I have to say this, there are so many of us out there where we keep people in our lives because we're afraid to let them know that your season in their life is over. Don't be afraid, we have at so many times a death grip on the past and the way things used to be. That's why people go through midlife crises, thinking they are losing something. We're not losing anything, we're beginning a new thing, everyday and the past is over, it's done. We have to leave it there.
I have this strong love for sad love songs. For the longest, it was because I liked to reminisce about the past and get into my High Fidelity mode (for those who don't know, check the movie). Well, that time is gone. Holding on to anything or even reminiscing about the good times can be dangerous if it affects your outlook on tomorrow. Simply look back on those times for affirmation that there are so many more to come.
So the moral of this story: I'm moving on to bigger and better things. I would just say to those that I'm parting from, it's not a left behind situation, it's a fork in the road and may your road lead you to all the Father has for you and forgive me for my mistakes and know that I'm growing just like anyone. S.o.T.P., it's a throwback: Yearning for your Love by Guy (before Blackstreet, there was Guy, oh yes) Peace and blessings.....

Oh, still playing with new verse, but I figured I'd put another one down since it was a good reception from last time.

Your voice pours out and I'm moved
your smile flashes and I'm through
a princess with wisdom and intellect
I collect your being in every way I can
you relax me with your disposition
and I'm put into submission
without realizing you've stolen my heart
you played the part of a queen
without intent, and not on purpose
but with you it's destined to surface
because it's intertwined with your being
I've now captured Adam's feelings
when first he laid eyes on Eve
to conceive a woman like you
your parents are more than blessed
beyond any standard set
to decipher all your subtleties
to smell your scent in my memories
pure ecstasy in just holding you
molding my body to your own
on the phone molding my mind in kind
knowing in due time our souls, minds, and bodies
will be intertwined as one
fully clothed but naked souls
sharing all that God has put on our hearts
so that when we're apart
I carry your way with me....

the list....

2008-06-18T20:44:00.000-07:00

Wassup subscribers? What can I say, life is good. I should be getting my stimulus check this week, thanks Georgie, now you can leave office. I wasn't able to go golfing today as planned, so it was moved to Friday. I've found out my first round of qualifiers is a go in September so I'll be setting up a schedule this weekend to study for those. Day by day, I get more excited to get to Houston, which I'm considering the highlight of a fun and productive summer. Plans for the 4th are tentative, but I think they'll involve a group of friends watching fireworks at the beach. Ahh, those are the times I wish I wasn't single. :o) I'm thinking it should be fun. What can I say more than I'm just blessed and for this summer, I'm realizing it and enjoying every moment in every sense.

I used to say that life would be great if it wasn't for people....well, I retract that statement (possible sign of growth?). When you start to see people they way the Father does, you start to realize that we're all at different points in our life and we do funny things to ourselves. I'm really at this point in life coming to the realization of each moment is a blessing whether working or not. People in your life are sometimes there for a season and others for a lifetime and I just am trying to learn from them and being there to give them whatever He would have me give. I don't know if something just clicked now or what, but it's like right before 30 I've realized two things:

1) I know so little about what life has in store and there is so much to learn

2) I can't wait to learn it

Now to the title of this piece...

A close friend of mine gave me the idea of putting together a list of what I'm looking for in a woman and after all this time, I realized I've never done it. So I've set myself to accomplish this task. Now, I'm not going to put all the attributes here especially since as all my female friends have told me I'm very picky (no argument there) but I will point out the highlights.
1) She's got to have the Father's love shine through her so bright that people notice by just walking by her. A caring soul that just gives all of herself and is working on improving her walk with Him and her relationships with everyone around her. Always seeking to better herself.
2) A beautiful woman that carries herself well, intelligent, sophisticated but not pretentious, she doesn't curse or disparage other people (none of that "b**** get on my level" nonsense), she just commands respect when she walks in a room.
3) She's well read, can talk about politics, religion, music, history, art, love, human nature and a myriad of subjects. Not that she has to know everything but knows a lil somethin'.
4) All past baggage has been dealt with from former relationships whether romantic or family. Also, ideally both her parents are still together and she has a good relationship with her father. In all my dealings, I've realized any other way has not been able to work for me. Father issues must be resolved in order to have a healthy relationship with a man.
5) A woman who's willing to make her family her priority just as I will. A partnership that involves different responsibilities but equal importance. I know I may make some ladies mad but it's personal choice, but ideally a woman who is willing to make being with the children priority. I understand circumstances don't always allow for that, but if they do then that would be my desire.
6) She's gotta love music.... I mean good music and a variety. I'm always reminded of "I think I love my wife" and the girl that Chris Rock is messing around with says he has N**** ears. I can't have that. Yes, hop hop and soul are my first loves, but there is so much good music not made by black artists, I can't ignore it. A big red flag for me is someone who's idea of music is loving everything on the radio, who thinks the "Now that's what I call music" series is great, or who goes and buys everything that wins a Grammy (worst music awards show ever, next to the source awards).
7) She's willing to build with me and be faithful to me as I to her and to go about building a family legacy; not so much in terms of wealth but influence in changing the world through our children, grandchildren and so on.

There are many more, but that scratches the surface. This list has always been there, but I'm finally setting about to writing it out. To get to this point, I had to go through so many relationships and dating experiences and walk away from those who were almost perfect but not for me. No easy task and there has definitely been pain along the way, but I had to realize I was taking someone else's blessing by settling. So the list has helped me give an idea of how I'll know her when He sends her.

On that note, the S.o.T.P., a classic, "slowly surely" by Jill Scott. A soulful classic from a classic album chronicling the search for true love. Enjoy and I'll holla at you all later. Peace and blessings.......

Oh, also wanted to post some old verses, I'm finally getting inspiration to write anew after a year and some change, so this is to commemorate a new chapter.

Incredible, intangible,
delectable, your soul has pull,
to bring me into your world,
a woman, and yet a girl
with dreams, aspirations
no small temptation
to fall fast for you
the soul of a queen
in a modern casing
not basing
my attraction on the physical
although I can not lie it is appealing
but you're revealing
so much more than a pretty smile
with style and grace
I need to chase
this butterfly
and those inside
I feel when I hear your voice
and ending I can not find
for this rhyme or reason
for seasons I could write
about all that's in my head
but time will tell
the spell you have cast on me
and release all inside my mind

ain't life funny....

2008-06-16T00:46:00.000-07:00

Wassup people? Happy father's day to those of you are soon to be fathers or are there taking care of home. Know that a father's job goes far beyond bringing home a check, but involves being the protector, the advice giver, a hearing ear, one who uplifts and challenges his children and is their model for how the son should act as a man and for a daughter for what type of man she should seek. A steep job, to be sure, but I know that when the time comes, the example of my father and my heavenly Father will be a wonderful template.

So after last night, my cathartic moment of release when I realized that I deserve a woman who gives as much as I do after being in a situation where I gave it all and she gave it little; a funny thing happened on the way to tonight. That young lady gave me a ring. Now, I've a problem with being firm in my stance, I dislike the idea of having a rift between me and any person and I crave a solution and pleasant situation between me and anyone from my past, especially those I was romantically involved with at one time. Why? Who knows? I'm too nice. So we spoke and I'm at that point thinking, "I'm completely over her, I'm good, I just want her to find the best things in life meant for her," and then the bombshell comes. I, the good ol' backup, was asked to be a fill in in case of necessity in a traveling excursion in four months. Now, the sad thing was after not hearing from her except once every couple of weeks, I considered it! I know, pitiful, but I just said I wasn't sure if it could be afforded. I just couldn't stomach the thought of being the justin case guy. The ideal on paper for the young professional black woman with limited hopes of finding a good man. Ladies, from one who knows first hand, there is one for each and every one of you, but please be patient. Don't use those who are good stand-ins if the real thing never comes. It's not fair to them or you. Wait for your king as I wait for my queen. It ain't easy, I know, but the option of being with a woman I can't truly love and embrace life with her by my side is just as depressing, no matter the delay. I just can't be that seat filler until the real thing comes along anymore and I can't do that to another woman in my own life while I wait for my soulmate. Maybe it was the reason this had to happen....for me to realize it. Infatuation aside, love is patient and waits for the right one to come along, don't sell out for a cheap forgery.

S.O.T.P. is very appropriate; one of my many favorites: 'Painkiller' by Eric Roberson of the album "The Appetizer". "Guess I'm her tylenol, only time she calls, is when her nights are cold and her heart is feelin' low....." So true....so true.....

just to keep you satisfied....

2008-06-14T23:41:00.000-07:00

Wassup people? Hope this blog finds you enjoying the summer. I am to the fullest, my trip was wonderful, and I have two, possibly three, more planned before it's back to the grind in the fall. One of the reasons that this summer, well this year have been so significant because I'm learning so much from things in the past and what they meant and why they took place. It's also amazing how God can bring those into your life who you just slip into a role of seeming to know you all your life. The people closest to me are revealing so much that it can only be by divine Providence that they have been placed in my life.

One thing brought to mind from the past that came up in discussion a few nights ago was the hold someone had on my mind and heart so long ago. For lack of a better word, I was sprung, whooped, tied around a finger, so blinded by these emotions that I couldn't think straight. In a way, I think it was a reaping/sowing situation. I'm not afraid to say that my past is checkered with situations and relationships that one loved more than the other and I was the receptor of the greater emotion. For so long I had figured that one could love enough for both, but I was wrong, in either situation. So because I was sprung, I put up with fear, dishonesty, doublemindedness, and the constant promise of change until one day she was gone. I sat there wondering what had happened and how she could do that and it affected every relationship since even allowing me to start a long, serious one before I had resolved my issues with that former situation. Even went back to trying it again recently early this year and I realized something. Chemicals are a mother....that seretonin can have you high as a kite thinking love and marriage is fate with a person. Once they hurt you, though, you start to examine the situation with the rose colored glasses off. I realized that I was involved with a selfish, self-absorbed person who's only reason for wanting me in her life was the vision of the IBM: Ideal Black Man, but here's the thing: what's on paper never translates to love. It helps and can lay the foundation, but it's that certain intangible, the tip of your tongue quality that can't quite be named, the je ne sais quoi that has you coming back for more even though you could never illustrate it to your friends. I was in a situation where the chemicals were preventing me from seeing that all we talked about was her, she never asked about me, just a simple "how is your day?" Those moments to talk were simply only the times I heard from her and when it was me who needed someone, she wasn't there. Realize that you need someone who is willing to sacrifice their time for you and give their life for yours. Those situations where folks feel they have to wait around for someone to "get right" are really pointless. Let them go, work on you, and if they come back, then it's meant to be. If not, know that the time you put in to dedicate to being someone better will pay off in the form of meeting your soulmate. I realized just letting go of the past my mistakes and the pain I've caused others and the pain they've caused me has opened the path to letting my queen walk in one day. I'm eager for that day, but in the meantime the ability to finally put the past to rest is wonderful.

On the music tip, I've decided to start posting songs of the post for future enjoyment. Hope you can enjoy. In honor of the post, the inaugural S.O.T.P. is : "Just to keep you satisfied" by Marvin Gaye, a classic.....

Embrace the day....I'm out... Peace....

lessons

2008-05-26T08:29:00.000-07:00

Wassup people? So first and foremost, happy Memorial day. I'm currently in the CT, gun wavin' New Haven to be exact and the old adage still stands: the more things change, the more they stay the same. For those who are close to me, this trip was necessary due to the past year being very trying in many aspects, both professionally and personally. I've always had the tendency to get out and hit that open road when the odds seem to mount up and the brain needs to be cleared. Nothing gives you enough time to sort things upstairs as with twelve hours of driving. It's been a wonderful trip, I've been able to view some of God's beautiful creation and really come to terms with things that have happened in the past and get the lesson from each circumstance.

One major thing I've realized came to its fullness from just being here in CT. So many times we've all looked back and questioned if what we had before was what we needed and have even gone back to it. It's so necessary to trust your heart in those circumstances when there is something telling you to move on. Many times this looking back while having the hands set to the plow stems from the fear of the future. We fear if what we have now is our last chance at love, success, or peace of mind. I have a mantra that I've learned over the years that goes like this: This won't be the last time I'm _____________. Fill in the blank: in love, happy, safe, secure, peaceful, successful. If any of those situations were present before and gone at the moment, it is no indication that it won't be there again. So have hope, trust that God is bringing more good things down the road, it's in His nature to bless.

Two blessings that has helped me realize this truth were my lovely goddaughter and the news that my brother from another mother and his wife are expecting their first, also a girl. I realized that life goes on and those around me are blessed with brand new seeds and one day that will be me. Everyday is a gift that there are hidden treasures throughout the day that we so often miss. There's those flashes that I've had on some days on this trip that I stepped out of myself and looked in and said, " This moment is monumental in the simplicity of the happiness felt right now," and it's almost as if I could take the moment before and after that and connect them and just loop them over and over, I would have in an instant. Pain is always going to be there in our lives but I wouldn't do without it because it's helped me seek those moments of pleasure in the slightest occurrence.

The trip is almost over and I'll be back home to enjoy the comforts of home. I've developed a sense of refuge the past month when I've thought of my place. It's my abode, my spot, that hasn't been there really all year since I complained of Greenville, but I can honestly say that even though it hasn't gotten better, I can appreciate what I know and what it is to me.

On the music front, I'm anxious to check the new Usher and Al Green. I DL'ed the new Roots and love it, I was very glad to see them with a video on 106 and Park (purely by accident did I see that, I can't do BET much at all these days, except my Different World at night) and checked a few songs on the new Lyfe. I'm feelin' Never Never Land, 30 ain't the new 20, it's the same ol' 30 and that's so true but a topic for another day.

Peace and hair grease to all and I'll hit you lata.....

2nd day on the road

2008-05-18T12:43:00.000-07:00

What is up, subscribers?? I'm sitting right now in a Panera in Indianapolis waiting for my computer to charge. I got on the road yesterday morning from the folks place in VA and drove into Kentucky and camped out underneath the stars up in the Appalachians. It was beautiful, but in a melancholy sort of way. You're surrounded by beauty and the first thing you think is it would be nice to share this someone outside of a 3x5. I'm hoping one day I'll be able to describe all that took place one day to my grandkids. Since then, I got on this morning on the road through KY to here in IN. Where I'm staying is however my fancy is tickled.

One thing I've noticed while being on the road, your thoughts are all over the place pondering everything from what heaven is like to can the Celtics win a championship without winning any road games and winning all home games? Deep questions, I know. A few things came to my attention though that definitely deserve attention.

1) The rumor is that Lauryn Hill is soon to drop a new LP.....if this is true, expect me to not sleep between the time it is confirmed until it drops. I was just listening to the classic "Nothing even matters" from Miseducation of Lauryn Hill (an album by itself that could make top ten albums of ANY genre) and thinking to match this is impossible for any other but her. The rumor was she's been recording steadily since she dropped off the map. If it is true, oh if it is true. I'll keep all updated, but in the meantime just hit up "Exfactor" and tell me that woman can't capture pain perfectly in her voice and lyrics.

2) I hate vanity plates with a passion. In VA, they are cheap as hell and everyone gets one. I just have a problem with the idea that all that defines me can be explained in 7 or 8 alphanumerics on the back of my car. I don't think I could do it in two pages, much less two words or acronyms. Don't fall suspect to it, you are so much more than a quip, trust me.

3) Driving in the rain is not cool, between the reduced traction, you have the on off sprinkle that causes you to switch up the speed of the windshield wipers until you hear that squeak when it's bone dry (like nails on a chalkboard) and then you have the windows fogging up. I love sunshine....

4) The beauty of being on a trip is twofold: it's the ability to get away from the madness and see other perspectives and yet still get home to feel that "home again" feeling. That's why travel is a the best of both worlds.

I'll write more as the trip goes along. Hope all is well with everyone. Peace and blessings....

Summertime...and the livin' is easy... fish are jumpin...

2008-05-01T22:39:00.000-07:00

Hey people, I have had the hardest time trying to focus on impending finals next week without the idea of hitting the road right after that last packet of equations and problems is handed in. I've had a few ideas for the blog, but nothing concrete or pressing and I've been excited about the idea of hitting the road and seeing the country. I'm taking all back roads if I can help it, no highways, you never see anything.

I've accepted the fact that this is my last real "summer" and is a year late. Last summer was spent scrambling to get my master's thesis finished and defended so so many plans were put on hold. With the advent of research this fall and that being practically a year round endeavor until dissertation defense, graduation and back into the real world again, this is my last "On the road" summer. My last chance to live out all my Jack Kerouac fantasies of being carefree and open to new lessons and new experiences.

I have as of late been contemplating things in my past and have come to the conclusion that for all those who's paths have crossed mine, I'm hoping that I had a positive impact in some way because all of you certainly did it for me and let me get on record, that for all the mistakes and pain I brought to your lives, I hope all is forgiven. I was recently asked if I was in love; I'm in love with the future and future of those in my life and all the good things God has in store for me and them. I'm in love with the present and the wonderful relationships I've maintained. I have an affair with the feeling you get when you see a huge tree blowing in the breeze and the sound of thunder in the distance. I lust for that quiet time with my thoughts when I'm sitting on my balcony as the sun goes down. Yeah, I think I am in love, head over heels, unadulterated....with life.

This is probably my segue into the summer series. I promise to post every time I get service for the next month sharing all the little things that will probably bore you to tears but hopefully capture your imagination as well. Peace be unto y'all.......

Questions Part II

2008-04-15T23:18:00.000-07:00

What's up people? In the spirit of Common's "Questions" (check water for chocolate, a classic), I decided to ask a few again that have popped up recently.

1) When did we start embracing the term "female" as a noun? What happened to young lady or woman and doesn't female sound a tad bit "animalistic"?

2) How much more coonin' can we expect from Flava Flav?

3) Is a n**** your complexion or is it all in your mind?

4) Why did they sex up Rhianna and Cierra so early? I mean they are pretty girls but why did they look like 18 going on 30?

5) Are my sistas going to stop looking for a man and let a good man find them?

6) Are high top fades ever going to come back?

7) What about the jheri curl?

8) Am I the only one who doesn't believe a word that Hillary says?

9) Isn't it funny how the last thing you expect to find has a way of coming along out the blue?

10) What's Don Imus doing these days?

11) When are we going to just leave Britney alone?

12) Can the rumors be true that Lupe's next album will be his last? Have you heard "Paris, Tokyo" and how insanely good it is?

13) Will it ever be back in style again to always rock a suit and a hat when in public?

14) When is Nas finally going to drop this controversial album "N*****"?

15) Can't the early 90's make a good argument for the best era in hip hop and R&B?

16) Are we ever going to get out of this war in Iraq?

17) Is there any truth to the 9/11, Kennedy or moon landing conspiracies?

18) Why is it necessary for so many women to mention how other b****es can't get on their level? You really got to make others feel demeaned to make you feel good?

19) Is it me or the NBA hasn't been the same since the mid-90's?

20) Finally, have you really taken time to take a look around and be happy right where you are for the moment?

Take the time to do it... Peace and blessings....

that just my baby daddy....

2008-03-30T20:55:00.000-07:00

What up people? Hope this blog as always finds you blessed and well. I'm trying to be more on point with this lately since I've had the time. Right now I'm comfortable realizing that it's God, school, family and friends that's going on in my life right now and just that. I'm happy for that though really, it's giving me time to focus on me and what I need to improve on and where I need to give in the everyday relationships I have with everyone in my life. It's really a refreshing perspective to do some self reflection for a while and learn things about yourself that you didn't realize.

So today's topic was on my mind lately, but the idea came a while back when I read a series of articles aimed at AA's in the Washington Post (Shout out to DC.....best....city....ever). It was a very good article on the dynamic between AA women and men in the DC area and the fact that it is a 4:1 ratio. (Sorry ladies) What was really unfortunate was the author, a woman, talked about her experience of going to a DC area elementary school and talking to a group of 2nd graders and she asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up. They said various things: doctor, basketball player, pilot, teacher, rapper etc. and many said a daddy. She asked you want to be a husband too, right? Then the classic quote, "black people don't get married, that's for white people...." Ooooh Lord, the rapture gotta get here soon. That was so disappointing but unfortunately such a prevalent thought among our community. It's the same when I hear a song talking about to show you I love you, you can have my baby. How about showing you love her that much more by putting a ring on her finger and promising to not only love her but manifest it daily for the rest of your life? I don't know, just a suggestion. Really it's such a complex situation of the progression of how this came to this point of our view on marriage. It wasn't always like this, I mean not to say marriage was a perfect concept fifty years ago, but it was a goal. I just think it's disappointing that there is so little hope for it anymore. To hope for someone who is your counterpart, your better half, the piece that was formed to fit only you;it's something that gives faith to believing that there is someone who shares the same vision and destiny as yours.....that's a beautiful thing. I think we have to learn to live and let go, get over those relationships that were unsuccessful but not give up on the hope of love, and not a love that you get the first three months of someone staying on your mind all the time, but rather that love that after thirty years, when you think of yourself you think of them automatically. That love that after years, your hands instantly find each other in the right situation because that is your support, your confidante, the manifestation of the God's love in the flesh. Hold out for that, not for someone who looks cute and makes money or can make pretty babies. Hold out for someone who finishes your chapter and starts a new chapter together. I'm out, off to catch "Brown Sugar" before off to bed. Spring is sprung, get out and enjoy it....Peace....

keepin' it real or keepin' it hateful?

2008-03-26T13:16:00.000-07:00

Wassup people? I have gotten really good feedback from a lot of people so I had to thank you all and send blessings your way for the positive comments. Always nice to know there are people out there thinking about what's going on outside of themselves. So, as usual, with school and life staying crazy, it's been a while. Things are busy and starting to look up, I had a rough patch here and there for the past couple months, but with the help of the Almighty and loving friends and family, I'm realizing that there is so much to be thankful for and so much love around us, sometimes you can't help but catch your breath.

Which leads me to the first of many topics that I have to cover the next few blogs. The firestorm that surrounded the whole thing with Barack Obama's former pastor, Jeremiah Wright has really caused a big deal in the media. They proceeded to show clips of his sermons on the news channels (Fox News at one point I think had it on 24 hours, ahhh Fox News, such piety when the Fox Channel has nothing but irreverant, racist and sexist shows....Rupert Murdock...hell is warming up and getting close) and then questioned Obama's own views on the things said. Now, I honestly have nothing against Obama, seems like a decent guy and he is a great orator and sells the dream well, but judgment is withheld until he can deliver what he says. The nice thing and the scary thing is he does not have a lot of experience in politics so could be good or bad. He could be FDR or he could be Jimmy Carter. Time will tell. You'll still catch me voting in November for third party because I have no faith whatsoever (and probably never will) in the Republi-crat system. Why do I even vote you ask? Because there were people who withstood dogs, firehoses, humiliation, degradation, beatings and lynchings for me to have that right, so I do it. But that's a whole 'nother (gotta love that grammatical nightmare) topic.

As far as Obama and his belief in what Wright says in the more incendiary comments, I highly doubt he agrees. Speaking from the standpoint of a fellow bi-racial person, I think he sees the degradation and racism in the country and has witnessed it, but has also had the same type of experiences that Malcolm had when he went to Mecca. You take the good with the bad and recognize that each man or woman stands before God ALONE and ALONE they answer for what they did.

What really I have beef with both sides (as usual). First off, I find it funny that all this just comes out now with Wright when polls show Obama has a better chance of beating Grandpa McCain than that ......woman. (No offense to Hillary supporters, but I wouldn't trust her with lint) So then all this comes about what Wright said. Then on top of it, I love how certain folks got all offended about what he said, apparently they don't know that he is not the first to say them and they definitely aren't new accusations. Not everything he said was a total shock, this country has committed many atrocities on minorities. This country has also completely looked out its own interests and tried to cover it under the guise of "helping bring democracy" (what a joke). Our country watches after one thing: our money and lied about it. For that, INDIVIDUALS will stand before God and answer for that, one by one, not all of America.

Now as far as some of the things he said, were #1 way out of line and sure as hell should not be coming out of a pulpit. The U.S. made AIDS to kill minorities? Seeing what the government can do, I wouldn't put it past them. However, if it was a person he was talking about, he'd be sued for libel and lose. Why? BECAUSE THERE IS NO PROOF! There are simply things that have been shown in the past to show the government is no joke. Even if it was true, what does it matter in terms of what you're preaching? How is that helping? Then the whole God damn America "that's in the Bible" I hate that phrase, because the Bible always supports what to do with confirmation in many other places throughout scripture; be specific, where is it? It says God Damn America? I know it does say pray for your leaders because they are there by divine providence and that the hearts of kings are in His hand. Say that in the pulpit, don't rile people up to entertain. I believe out of the pulpit should come one thing: words of life and that comes from the Word. Encourage, empower, entreat from the pulpit, don't stand up there entertaining people by fake smacking a booty while talking about how Clinton did the country the same way he did Monica (which is true though, but again not the time and place). I think the reason why our community is in the place that it is is because we are so concerned with God punishing others for what they did to us that we forget that He is so ready to provide everything we need and we have preachers like Wright forgetting that's what we need to hear!

I heard he's stepped down, so I'll be praying that he recognizes as the supposed man of God he is, it is his responsibility to empower others to find what they need at the true Source. With that, I'm out. Next up: "I wanna be a daddy, but bein' a husband, nahhh" Each one, teach one. Peace......

Closer on a Friday night

2008-02-29T18:32:00.000-08:00

Wassup people! I am at home at 9:30, single and available, and in my own opinion, a decent catch, but alas, alone. Definitely my own shortcoming, I'm too picky. So realizing this tonight, I decided to throw on a classic that for some reason speaks to how I think most people see the concept of love. Closer, staring Jude Law, Julia Roberts, Clive Owen, and Natalie Portman is a arrow to the soul that shows you almost in a shakespearian tragic sort of way, how love works. The concept that you can love two people at once, but not really. How you can "fancy" someone yet leave them all at once. How you want to hurt someone that causes so much pain to you. In fact, it wraps it up in the scene where Clive and Julia have the breakup speech and asks the whole male thing: Is he better? That's truly how we think, amongst many things, the speech where we ask all the questions in the world yet nothing makes sense to us. How the woman asks if they can still hold on to some semblance of the relationship. Classic line: What does it taste like? It tastes like you, but sweeter. The movie is raw and it's painful, but captures that part of life that is so true, our concept of fidelity and love can be so twisted, yet at it's simplest form we all desire someone to desire us, want us, and wish that we would never leave. Check is some time if you can stand raw truth and emotions. I'm out on friday night. Peace......

amongst the chaos....inner thoughts reign

2008-02-26T20:04:00.000-08:00

Wassup people? I'm currently slacking from a gang of work due on Thurs. but today has been a day of many thoughts on many subjects and many people, so if you can't get if off the mind. First and foremost, single life is a mixed bag. It's interesting meeting new people and getting different perspectives about so many things, but the the negative side is you meet new people. Naw, seriously, dealing with people teaches you patience and just hearing how things progress in other's lives has helped me to slowly follow others examples and do the right thing like Spike once told us. The major thing I've learned from the past couple years is people have so many sides that it takes a good amount of time to even scratch the surface. On the back of the thought, I think that you can know someone for years and still learn something new about them. From a purely positive standpoint, that's exciting. The thought of true growth and desire to find out where one fits in this life is assuring to see in others. I think of all the people I know and I genuinely hope that they all find out more about their path and themselves and hopefully share it with me. Growth is a beautiful thing, so if you're doing so, share it with me. If you have a side I don't know, share it with me (within reason, I'm a shoulder, but I'm not a therapist).

On a music note, check the new Janet. That joint is hot. I'm also feeling Consequence (check the track with John Legend, it's fiyah), Erykah B's new one, and my man Pete Rock laying the beats on a new LP. Peace to all and remember get at somebody with what you're figuring out and save the rest of us some time and pain.....

1st post of 08: appreciate what you have before it's gone

2008-02-11T20:48:00.000-08:00

What's up people! This first post of the year is dedicated to my sister, since I think she's the only one who consistently checks this to see if I've updated it. Love ya, Steph.....

So with the start of a new year, a month already done, and Valentine's coming up, I sense a hint of love in the air. People tend to want to find love in a new year if they are alone and when Valentine's comes around, folks desire it a little more. However, I got to stress one thing, be sure you're ready for the right person. In this day of instant everything at our fingertips, we expect love to be the same and tailor made to fit what we want, instead of realizing what is good for us. We must all realize that looking for love shouldn't involve looking back, with the number of people in this world, there must be literally thousands that we all can fall in love with and enough in common to make it work. I recently read someone's blog saying that she didn't believe in marriage, but she believed in soulmates. I was confused by this, because I would think if a woman were MY soulmate, I would want to let the world know for life that she was the person meant for me and me for her.

I guess my point is we have this sense of how love should be and that we deserve it right now, but I'm realizing you have to love yourself first. So many times in the past I wanted someone there with me because I didn't want to focus on myself. I had to learn that the hard way a few times. I wanted love when I saw others had it, even though I wasn't ready. I wanted love when those I tried it with found it with someone else. There are so many reasons why we search for it, but the only reason we should have in our heads is I want love because I want to sacrifice all my pride, fear, doubt, anger and dedicate my life to making someone else's life the best that it can be. How often do we think of wanting love that doesn't include a reason involving our wants? Focus on fulfilling the wants of someone else and finding someone who shares the same sentiment. And just be patient, He started a good work in you, He's faithful to complete it. I'm out.......pEaCe.....

Why?

2007-09-07T17:27:00.001-07:00

In the spirit of the Jadakiss song, I've had a few questions as of late that I have to ask. Hopefully, if you don't have the answers, maybe they will get you thinking and more importantly...acting.

1) Why are only 30% of black children born into two parent households and white children 70%, even though we have higher abortion rates?

2) Why do people complain about the US not having universal health care like the rest of the world when the rest of the world doesn't have people eating three times their weight in fried foods?

3) Will people learn from the collapse of the mortgage loan market that it's better to build better credit and save money rather than getting into expensive mortgages they can't afford?

4) Why would you own a Lexus and live in an apartment for 5 years with no plan for buying a house in site?

5) Why are there not more hot albums like Talib Kweli's Eardrum out that combine genius rhymes with amazing beats?

6) Will they make more movies like The Wood or ATL in the future that show normal black kids growing up with dreams of doing more than stuntin' and hustlin?

7) Why do dept. stores charge 4 times the price for clothes than the cost of the materials and labor it took to make them?

8) Am I the only one who respects Rakim and De La Soul as much as Einstein and Fermi?

9)Am I the only one who wishes celebrities would just entertain us and keep their "wisdom and insight" to themselves since it rarely comes off as either one?

10) Why do most jobs take about the same amount of education yet get paid in vastly different amounts?

11) Why does a team like Michigan lose to Appalachian St.?

12) Does the Tribe or Jodeci ever have a chance of making it happen again in this lifetime?

13) How many times can people change their relationship status on Facebook in a week before no one takes it seriously after that point? (Subquestion: why do 16 year olds put married for their relationship status?)

14) Do we really need anymore Flavor Flav on TV and do you think Chuck D. is ashamed to say he was part of his group?

15) Why do people watch the Hills?

16) Why do the sell DVD sets of reality shows?

17) Why do we call certain black people sellouts if they express an opinion different from others?

18) Will we ever have more black supreme court justices?

19) Am I alone in thinking that if push came to shove in this country, the U.S. would rather see a white woman president than a black man president?

20) Will Dave Chappelle ever come back again in any form or fashion outside of standup?

21) Finally, like Common and John Mayer both said once, will it all one day make sense?

new places, new faces, new music....

2007-07-02T23:26:00.000-07:00

Wassup people! Hope this finds you well as always. Now that the hectic summer has finally died down for a week, I know have the chance to do a little writing. I'm glad to say I finished my master's thesis and completed my degree so I'm happy about that and I'm now attending East Carolina U. to pursue my PhD. Why? I guess I'm a glutton for punishment, but the PC answer is I love what I do.

On the music front, rumors of a new project have got me geeked. Apparently, Lupe, Kanye and Pharrell are planning to make an album under the name CRS (Child Rebel Soldiers (no relation to D.R.S. of the Gangsta Lean fame)). This sounds like a collabo that's right on the money if there ever was one, so I patiently wait for the outcome. The new Common album......wow, let's just say there is a reason it's his first #1 album. It's like a breath of fresh air in a cramped closet. I've determined that grown man hip-hop has a template on how to speak to my generation, the ones who were there from its infancy. Good news is that apparently D'Angelo is cleaning up, slimming down and tightening up the braids for a new album. If he sounds like he does on Com's album, it should be all good.

One thing disturbing right now, this T-Pain craze. Am I the only one realizing that this guy is simply copying Teddy Riley and Zapp and Roger? How many people can synthesize the vocals and still be called a genius in music? If we judged quality music based on catchy tunes, then "Who dat is? Tha'd just my Baby daddy" is right up there with Let's get it On and September. Come on people, we gotta do better. On that note, check BET's " We Gotta Do better" with Charlie Murphy. Scary how there are still black folk that don't know what HBCU or NAACP stands for or how many black Supreme Court Justices (only 1 btw) there are. As far as the one lady who said unemployment rates among AA being 80-95%, I guess she never sees black people working. C'mon, people we gotta do better. Peace and hair grease......

pay it forward and course-haired ladies of the night

2007-05-01T14:15:00.000-07:00

Wassup people, I know, I know it's been a minute and I've just been informed that there are those who follow the posts so I feel humbled that someone out there is keeping tabs. Thanks to all who look forward to new posts. Personal life is good, graduation is postponed until September, had a minor setback with my research, but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? (At least that's what I keep chanting) Unfortunately, it's kept me from voicing my opinion on the many events in the last 2 months.

First and foremost, got to send out my deepest condolences to the families of the victims of VA Tech. It was an awful tragedy that will not be forgotten. I've had discussions with many people on this event and have come to many conclusions. 1) Nothing of this magnitude ever happens out of the blue, there were many signs that people in positions of authority all down the line chose to ignore right up until the point of the day it happened. 2) We have to take these instances of bullying early on seriously because the products of this type of treatment is growing up to take innocent lives because these people are tired of being treated as if they don't matter at all. That's why they take their own lives and as many others as they can. They want to be heard on some level and choose, unfortunately, to cause tragedies to accomplish this. I read that the family had to go into hiding because of death threats. If people want to look for blame, they should start with everyone who came into this kid's life and chose to ignore him or worse, chose to mock him and ridicule him. It starts with us; it is our responsibility to realize that anyone can get to that point if no one at any point in some one's life gives enough to listen to someone and think of them as a person of worth and value. Until that happens, we'll live in fear of the next tragedy.

Now, the Imus thing......hmmmm. First of all, I'm glad that he was taken off the air, but I'm tired of the double standard we continue to uphold. I'm tired of the uproar over white people saying something offensive while we continue to degrade ourselves and our women. We call a woman a bitch and a ho, then justify it by saying that there are women who conduct themselves as such. Has it occurred to any of these people that 1) all women don't conduct themselves as such and 2) for those who do, do they realize that there is a reason that this stems from? The fact that our communities are in shambles, our family values as a race are on life support, and the concept of the traditional family is unheard of in the black community, especially in our generation. So what do artists choose to do? Make songs about how useless these women are and they are good for nothing but a quick screw. I've always said, it will be interesting when a lot of folks will stand before God and explain themselves. Somehow, Snoop Dogg's reasoning of "we're not talking about college educated women when we say ho's" I don't think will slide by the Big Man Upstairs, call me crazy. We need to realize that healing and growth comes from not telling stories of the hood, but doing something about the conditions of it. That excuse for using n****, bitch, and ho just don't wash and it starts with preventing our six year old kids from knowing all the songs on the radio but they can barely read. It starts with black men teaching their sons and their younger family members to honor and protect our women, not degrade them and for our older women to teach our young ladies how to carry themselves as a lady formed in the image of God, not as a bitch who is telling other bitches to "stop hating" and "to get on their level". Value comes from knowing in your heart that you've been created by God, not from others telling how hot you are or what your bank account says because when you're gone, people won't remember you for those things, if they even do remember you. Do something lasting to make sure they do. Till next time....peace and blessings.....

whirlwind....life...love....pursuit of happyness....

2007-02-12T23:34:00.000-08:00

What's up people? It's been a minute as always and those close know that I've been caught up with new beginnings and tying up loose ends ie. requirements to graduation. Pray for me to get this all done because only God will get me through all I gotta do before May when I rock the cap and gown.

In all this hecticism (new word, I'm coining it now) I still, as always have time to think. I was able to catch Lupe a week ago and one word.....amazing. One of the best shows I've been to, if you don't know of the work, check it please. One of the songs that struck a cord with the audience and with me was He Say, She Say. The premise is a mother talking to her baby's father and asking why the lack of presence in the son's life and the second verse is the son talking to the father. I know I've written about this before in regards to fathers and daughters, but this focuses more on the father/son aspect. In the words of the great Big Pun (RIP):" I don't wanna fight, I wanna do what's right, a boy needs a father, that's the most important part of his life...." truer words were never spoken. Listening to that song Monday really hit me in that I felt extremely blessed to have a father who had a major part in my life in becoming the man I am today. I have more respect for him day by day as I realize what it took for him to raise a black son in the way I was supposed to be raised in this world was not an easy task. I'm grateful that he taught me that it doesn't make you a man to have a baby, it makes you a man to raise a child. It doesn't make you a man to lay down with many women, but it makes you a man to love one for life. But it wasn't in what he's told me over the years, but what his actions have told me in holding a family together and making a point to take care of home and business. I guess as I grow old, I wax pensive, realizing the depth of life that most of us just so rarely scratch the surface. So many people are looking for what they can get out of life instead of asking what can I give that will last long after I'm gone. I guess I ask myself that more and more everyday and hope the answer will make itself known. Till next time.....Peace......

growing up or growing old, how long does it take?

2007-01-28T10:33:00.000-08:00

It's been a minute so I apologize. Figure it's a jazz/emo rock kind of day with the cloudy Sunday afternoon so I'm quite pensive today. It's been a real busy week so I had little time to think about things, which for me is sometimes a good thing. I had to do a state of the soul address last night on a few things. After a few discussions with different people this week, it's become apparent that growing up is hard to do. The first on everyone's list of accomplishments: patience. Been guilty so many times of wanting what I want when I want it. I just want to have a dream and I see my life six months from now to see where I stand with all aspects of my life so I can know I'm making the right decisions now. Unfortunately, we don't have that luxury, but I have started to learn the painful lesson of enjoying the moment. Realize that right now, things are a blessing and I the people in my life for all their weaknesses and areas of growth, they are bringing to my life something that truly no one else could because they are just who I need to grow and be encouraged. I can only hope they feel the same way. The crux of the problem is me, suprise. It's hard to mature and put away old silly thoughts and emotions that came out of fear of people and the future. Old habits die hard when they are formed from years of trusting with eyes wide shut and walking into situations that had bad signs from the jump. Question is, how do you know bad signs from signs that are areas of growth in someone? How do you know things will get better and that trust will build and remain? Well, since I can't and I can't shut people out completely, I've learned to enjoy the day. Enjoy the moment and write on it when possible. Embrace life for what it is now, not for what it could be......sometimes things are a little too true to say all the time......I'm out.

moving on....when do you know it's real?

2007-01-08T22:30:00.000-08:00

Wassup people? Hope the new year started well and continues to be for all of you. It's been a great start to mine continuing in the spirit of the end of last year. To all who have contacted me in the past two weeks, you're in my thoughts and forgive me for being lax on getting back to you. Those close to me know I've been caught up with tasks of the mind and heart and I apologize more my mini falloff. I will try this year to keep my people close to me as possible.
Since my music acquisition has fallen as of late (should be soon remedied with the drop of the new Mos Def and Talib's Eardrum soon to come) the topic slides to my other favorite pastime, figuring the head and heart. I'm wondering if anyone can relate to that feeling of looking back on the relationships in the past and knew they were not worth reminiscing over and are just going to put you in a place of frustration and bitterness but some part of you wishes it had worked? Is it that part of us that feels like we failed at something in our life and desire a second try or is it really the person? I doubt it's the latter, because looking back on that situation and thinking of the good times, you realize that they were few in comparison to the frustration and unfulfilled promises. Classic example is the song by Whitney "Why does it hurt so bad" where she goes through all the things that are good now that she's gone and the relationship is over and how great life is, and yet she's still feeling bad and crying when there is no real love there. Could it be rejection of someone, failure on our own part that we couldn't accomplish the task of a happy relationship, is it the emotional investment that you feel that you leave with somebody when they're gone, or all the above? All I do know, is it's bad to rock the rainy day playlist at 1 AM on the Itunes. It goes crashing down memory lane in a bulldozer and you know that can't be good. From now on, it's only hip hop after midnight. Peace.....

2006 in review (In rotation: Nothing even matters, Lauryn Hill and D'Angelo)

2006-12-31T18:56:00.000-08:00

Hey all, hope this finds you well on this NYE night. I wanted to get some thoughts down in my blog for the end of the year that have been swirling in my head all day. I guess we all wax nostalgic and pensive at the end of a year.
We lost a great deal of people this year, maybe more maybe less, who knows, but some important ones: Coretta Scott King, Gerald Ford, James Brown, Ed Bradley, Gerald Levert, Aaron Spelling, Steve Irwin, Buck O'Neil, Red Auerbach, Jack Palance, Bo Shembechler, Proof, J Dilla, and many others. May they rest in peace. It's funny, but I wonder at the same time as we lose these people and so many others, who is came into the world this year, who will change society as we know it. Time will tell I guess.

It was a year that we saw a shift of power in Washington, a vice president shoot another man and get away with it, Crash win Best Picture and 3 six Mafia became the first group to win an Oscar (never woulda saw that comin') for best song, Israel went to war with Lebanon, execution of Sadaam, poor showing in the World Cup for the U.S., an Amish school shooting, the US population reaching 300 million, PS3, XBox, and Wii madness, and a continuation of a war in Iraq. It was a busy year to say the least and God only knows what this all means. As I've been apt to say lately: this will all make sense some day.

On the hip hop scene, it was a good year surprisingly. For all the wackness perpetuated by all they Yung and Lil' whatevers out there, we also saw a year that dropped Nas' Hip Hop is Dead, Jay-Z's Kingdom Come, The Roots' Game Theory, Lupe Fiasco, Busta Rhymes, Ghostface, and Rhymefest. S.H.E. 's slowly but surely being resurrected and I'm holding on to hope.

Things accomplished: Well, I'm proud to say, I finally finished the Word this year in its entirety and brings me to the realization that there is so much to learn about the Father that a thousand lifetimes couldn't scratch His surface but it's worth every moment to see His love and power.
I stayed consistent with working out and eating right for the longest in my life. I had some tough times and good times this year as well. I learned early this year that I made the right decision even though the idea of facing the world on my own was daunting. I learned not to cast my pearls before swine and "never trust a big butt and a smile" as BBD put so eloquently. I was reminded countless times that He has a plan for me that includes countless blessings and miracles. I realized that I love what I do and I'm blessed to be smart enough to do it. I'm happy to have all the fam on the East Coast now and that I don't wanna live anywhere else, all my fam and friends are here and I'm very happy about that.

Goals for the new year: I want to be more of Him, less of me to start. I want to be more patient and wait for the moment to move and realize that it's all taken care of already. I hope relationships and friendships started this year continue to grow stronger and closer next. I want to get a job and get settled and get closer to being debt free and having a house. Most of all, I want to be a blessing to all that are in my life and cross my path. With that, I wrap up it up with peace and blessings to you and yours in the new year and may it be the best yet for all of you.....One.......

Merry Christmas and other issues to discuss....In Rotation: Wildflower by New Birth

2006-12-23T13:44:00.000-08:00

Wassup people? Merry Christmas to all as I write this from MD newly arrived today and very tired. It's been quite a week. I am already making a new year's resolution right now, no shopping for Christmas anywhere or anytime after Thanksgiving, it's madness out there. My sister and I decided to venture out today to take care of last minute stuff, bad idea. Funny thing, when people should have the most Christmas cheer and goodwill, they have the least. I swear people had boxcutters in the cheeks and knives up the sleeves. We made it out unscathed and have gifts for all.
Some housecleaning issues: I now will list the currently listening in each title since the music tends to influence my writing at the time. I've been killing this song recently since it is a quality song and was put onto it by a lovely soul. Also, I said last time that I wanted to go over the shouting match and potential beef between Yung Cheezy and Nas over the concept of Hip Hop being dead. Cheezy wisely squashed anything before it started so not really much to say about it. I am ecstatic about the new LP from Nas great concept and a tribute to H.E.R. to the fullest. True heads will cop this album because they're always seeking knowledge, quality lyrics, and beats that make you smile and nod your head all of which are encompassed in Nas' new one. Two black fists up for me. Now onto more important things.....
So, I'm growing up. I'm realizing it now, and damn if it ain't hard. Learning from past mistakes is crucial especially to avoid doing the repeat offenses which in the past have left me in positions that were tough to be positive (refer to "help restore my faith" entry in October) so I've decided to be quite cautious in how I proceed with the opposite sex. Not to say I've figured it all out, but I know a whole lot more than I did 6 years ago. I think the hardest thing is to distinguish between going slow and being scared. Right now I'm struggling with a fine balance, in the past I've fallen in love in days, hours even. I'm in control of that, but to the extent that anything promising but looks like it involves work or has the potential to not work for any reason, I begin to think it could fail in the end and pull away. I've reached the other end of the scale after years of falling fast only to get burned. My question: Can you really be open to something new after several bad relationships and endings? Is it really that each time you see something new with potential you begin to hold more back for longer and longer times? Does it get to the point where you feel you can only give the surface and nothing else and no matter the amount of time? I wonder about it sometimes. Do we reinvent ourselves constantly in order to appear tougher and harder so that when the inevitable heart break comes, we can say " I knew it was coming" ? Does that hinder us somehow from getting close to someone if we're expecting to be deceived? Lot of questions in my mind the past few days as you can see. Will they be answered? I don't know, you never really know some things. I guess I just don't want to miss out on a good thing because I'm looking at what happened in the past. I figure what's best right now is to enjoy the holidays with the fam and friends, pray for a blessed new year, and as the song says, believe that "this will all make sense some day."

S.H.E. will be missed: Eulogy for Hip-Hop

2006-12-07T14:58:00.000-08:00

We have gathered here today to witness the passing of a work of art, a creation who would put to shame any who would dare compare themselves to H.E.R., an inspiration for a generation that needed a direction after the death of voices that cried out for freedom and equality. H.E.R.timing was impeccable, born in the Bronx with roots extending back to the Caribbean and further back to the motherland, S.H.E. was influential even in infancy. S.H.E. was the daughter of the activistic, turbulent 60's and the free-loving, indulgent 70's, a perfect union between a celebration of life and a challenge to change it. S.H.E. was multi-faceted; with the speech of kings and paupers, moving with the rhythm of dual wheels of steel in perfect synchronicity, clothed in graffs identifying H.E.R. many tribes, and when S.H.E. danced.....S.H.E. danced in a break that pushed your imagination to the limit and challenged your every convention of what the body could perform. A voice for the hood, S.H.E. was unfettered, unshackled, speaking of the warm city nights, block parties, the everyday struggles, the skill of wordplay and scratching.....the joy of life despite all that the world could deprive of the youth of the streets. S.H.E. was young, free, and naive.
The world has a way of making your grow fast. Hip-Hop was no exception. S.H.E. began to travel, expanding H.E.R. horizons, spreading the gospel of the 5 tenets, crying out in the streets for anyone who would lend an ear and sit at H.E.R. feet to be taught about pride, wisdom, and activism. Along the way, S.H.E. learned from others, new voices, new cadences, new melodies, diverse methods of droppin' science, venturing even into the suburbs to reveal a world to young white privileged children that there exists a world where lights don't always stay on and cereal can be only eaten with water. It was this move that many would later come to regret.....
It was subtle at first, no sign of illness was apparent in H.E.R. Artists outside of the hood began to attempt to have their way with H.E.R. and she gladly obliged, eager to become universal, but they abused her, took her for granted. Normally, S.H.E. would have removed herself from the situation, but Mr. Corporate saw the value in H.E.R. and how every young consumer with mommy and daddy's allowance in hand bum rushed the stores to get their turn with H.E.R. Corporate salivated over the potential, but saw the changes that needed to be made. H.E.R. natural locks wouldn't work, it would need to be pressed and bleached, skin shaded lighter, the Africa medallions put away and replaced with extravagant diamond jewelry, bare feet covered in Gucci shoes, the coke bottle shape slimmed to a 36-24-36; all so S.H.E. could be put on the corner and sold to the highest bidder. S.H.E. had always known love, always sought it, and in this instance, it was the same, figuring that any attention was love. Mr. Corporate had his way with H.E.R. every morning before he put H.E.R. on the streets to make money for daddy. S.H.E. would still try to sneak back to the hood to grasp some semblance of the early days, but S.H.E. was encountered with rappers, a different breed from the emcees she grew up with. Rappers wanted to push death, sell death, glorify death, and rape and pimp H.E.R., claiming the a woman had no value except to serve the physical needs of a man. There were a few who gave H.E.R. shelter, trying to dress the wounds and allow time for rest and healing, while encouraging H.E.R. spirit with hope that one day all will be like it used to be, but they could not heal the wound in H.E.R. heart. Slowly, S.H.E. faded until S.H.E. was no longer there, how long it had been since S.H.E. had gone no one really knew, since most focused on the antics of H.E.R. many bastard children: Bling, Movin' Weight, Gangsta, Stuntin' and others; all the results of loveless acts of sexual abuse by those in the hood who claimed "to love and respect H.E.R. because they grew with H.E.R."
As we lay H.E.R. here in this ground, I'm reminded of what S.H.E. meant to me. The moment I first heard that voice, what it said to me, what it drew from me, and directed me to strive for for the rest of my life. I remember times in a room full of people when S.H.E. would come on and I felt S.H.E. was looking straight into my soul and revealed a part of me I never knew was there. There are times I hear H.E.R. in the middle of the night, thinking S.H.E.'s back, but I realize that it's "They Reminisce over You" playin' on the radio late or "Keep Ya Head UP" in the playlist rotation. For those of us who knew H.E.R., our hearts will always hold H.E.R. near and there S.H.E. will remain alive. I would like to acknowledge H.E.R. only children to come today who will be laying her to rest: H.E.R. twins Conscious and Conscience. We pray the work S.H.E. began will be continued through them.....let us pray..................................................................
Next up: Yung Cheezy's shouting match with Monie love on Hip Hop's state:
http://www.zshare.net/audio/jeezy-calling-out-nas-on-monie-love-show-mp3.html
N***as will never learn; Lord, we still waitin' on that whole apocalypse thing...anytime now.....

Oprah (even writing the title gives me shivers....promised myself I'd never do this....) here goes...

2006-12-06T12:02:00.000-08:00

What up people? Doin' really well here, blessings coming my way left and right through people and circumstances and pray that I can be one to all of you as well. It's finals time here at Dook and tryin' to handle business and get things done and accomplished and maintain that GPA. Actually got
a little sentimental today when I checked out the pics of my undergraduate Alma mater Grand Canyon U. (Go Lopes!) and saw that good stuff is taking place as they are doin' big things. Rumor is they may be starting a med school so I'm hoping that comes to fruition one day.

Anywho, back to subject at hand, perfection is perfection so I'mma let you understand.....topic for today as you saw is about Oprah. I caught a clip of the showbiz report on CNN.com (a daily web page visit) that apparently "ain't worth" 50 Cent has beef with Oprah saying that "she used to have black women's views, but now that her viewers are middle aged, middle class white women and now she has become one of them." Apparently this stems from what he feels is her disconnect and lack of respect for "hip-hop" which to hear those words come from his mouth makes me want to present what I ate for lunch earlier in a not incredibly appealing fashion. The report then went on to say that Ludacris felt slighted after he appeared for the show on "Crash" (excellent movie btw) and she attacked him for the misogynist lyrics in hip hop and his response was edited from the show. They then went on to show Bow Wow ( why did he drop the Lil' from the name; last time I checked he's still gotta look up to see down) an extremely credible voice of hip hop who says of course he agrees that he would like to see more rap stars on Oprah. Finally, Nas, the voice of reason in this madness, said essentially it was sad that 50 made himself look like a buffoon by attacking an icon because he wanted publicity, which I agree is exactly what 50 did. Sidebar: Hopefully, 50 heard this, comes up with a wack battle song against him and Nas comes and finishes him off and shows the true clown that 50 was, is and always will be. In the great words of Jigga: y'all respect the one who got shot, I respect the shooter...... back to the trial.

First of all, why is 50 so concerned about being on Oprah? He really trying to hit the soccer mom market? Is he imagining Dodge Caravans heading to Swanky Hills Elementary bumpin' P.I.M.P.? He figuring that Judy Everymom will be bumpin' Candy Shop while baking up angel food cake for the P.T.A. bake sale? Come on, there is no need for him to be on there. My closest friends and associates know that I'm no fan of Oprah. The difference between Oprah and God is that God doesn't think He's Oprah. I've never seen a woman so narcissistic in my life. However, I can concede that her show reaches a niche and it works. What sense does it make for her to have n***as on there who all they talk about is all the things he wants to do a woman while reminding her that her value is just above a mosquito and just below a dog? Yeah, sounds like something Suzy Homemaker wants to be playing on the Bose system in the in split level colonial style on a Saturday afternoon after the family trip to the zoo. It is about publicity and ego and sense. No benefit would come to 50 being on Oprah, Lord knows Oprah would not get anything out of it, and the ladies in the audiences would be clutching their purses seeing that big buck on stage. My biggest issue with the piece was the fact that hip hop and rap were used interchangeably. That is disconcerting and annoying because they are not the same, although that's for another blog. Now my GMG moment has been expressed, hope nothing but good things happen to all of you, and congrats to all the sorors that I know that crossed. Remember the mission and live by it everyday, it's not just a social thing, it's a socially conscious thing. Love , peace and blessings...... Next up: Eulogy for hip-hop......One......

thoughts about various subjects including a part for the fellas

2006-12-01T22:09:00.000-08:00

Hello folks, as always, hoping this finds you well and blessed. I just got home from going out to Franklin St. For those who are not local, it's the place to be in the area if you live or go to UNC-Chapel Hill. It was a cool night, met an old friend I used to work with and always good to hear about a place you left and realizing you left at the right time. Timing is everything as the saying goes. Another plus tonight was getting hit on. It's been a minute and always feels good, not in an egotistical way, but I guess just realizing someone finds you attractive is gratifying, on some level you feel wanted and desired. We all hope for that in some way, preferably from that special person or soulmate if you will, but since I'm not quite sure of that person, the compliments satisfy a small part of that. It was a good way to end the weekend.

Now, on to what I decided to write about. I seem to focus a lot on the ladies and write to them. However, tonight it's to the fellas out there. This is inspired by a lovely soul who gave me the inspiration. Gentlemen, it's about timing as I said before. How is it that there are men still showing all their cards from the jump? Guys, let's get this established: on a second date, going on a romantic three hour cruise with flowers and all the romantic aspect is overkill. Subtlety is the name of the game, letting her know that she intrigues you, but you're taking time to know her, realize where she's coming from, learning her intricacies, realizing what makes her unique. Before that, there is no way love can come in a true form. Gentlemen, you have to look for the signs of interest, the women of quality are not making it known overtly that they desire to be around you, but covertly, she's dropping signals. Her body language, if she's into you, she's open, inviting, not in a sexual form but in a personal one. She's making a small part of her vulnerable and revealing, "Part of me really wants to be let out in front of you so that you can accept me and build a foundation for a relationship." The way she looks at your eyes, smiles at you, turns her body towards you, the relaxing manner that she gestures with, the way she leans forward to you as you discuss your backgrounds and your likes and dislikes. These are signs of interest. It's a dance in that we have to know the steps and play our part to get past the point of slight awkwardness to get to the heart of each other. It's an amazing process that is rewarding if you do it right and frustrating if you don't. If she's doing the opposite of all these, then there isn't a connection. Don't take it personally, it's a matter of chemistry, some people just work while others don't. It's not rejection, it's slimming down the available prospects. If the magic is there, don't force it. Jewelry in the first six months is too much. Flowers and heart felt expressions is too much in the first month, but do make sure to give small signs of interest. Smiles, listen to her, repeat back what you hear, observe her and get a feel for her, a slight touch of the hand, nothing crazy, just understated makes a world of good. It confirms a connection IF you see the signs on her end.

I'm tired, so I'm gonna wrap this up. Take some tips and enjoy the moment. I'll holla at y'all later. Peace and blessings. One.......

and here comes December....

2006-11-26T22:51:00.000-08:00

Hola, people, as always hopes this finds you well. I'm soaking in this week with it's great ups and frustrating downs and realizing that when all is said and done, I came out ahead. Family was a blessing, a new presence in my life is a blessing, and the fact that the semester is coming to a close is a blessing. This entry was supposed to be on the difference between rap and hip hop, but I realized tonight that sometimes I fail to really appreciate the other genres throughout the day, so I threw on the rainy day mix of jazz this evening. Miles Davis, Kind of Blue, can you go wrong? I've heard the man was ornery and downright anti social, but that kind of genius requires a sacrifice, so I guess in his case it was kindness. Was it worth it? You listen to this album and I'm thinking it is.
Anyway, I've felt the need to start writing some verses again, I've gone through the phases where I write frantically and then not at all. Well, franticism sets in again (if that's not a word, I just officially made it one.) A great deal of things has me realizing that it's works best at sorting things out in certain areas more than the blogging does. Don't worry, you guys aren't off the hook, because I think I'll be putting some up for you to suffer through.
As to the title, in a sort of roundabout way, I've meandered my way to what I was going to write about. Christmas time.....lovely time of year..... where as Bart Simpson put it :"Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ". Hilarious. And how do we celebrate this joyous season? With Black Friday, which I was privileged to see firsthand since my father's truck needed batteries at 5:30 in the AM for him to get to work. Why are there people lining up outside of Bestbuy and Target at 5 AM? For the amazing sales. Hmmm, call me crazy, I'll pay more for the sleep and peace of mind rather than fight the crowds. I will do my traditional shopping at my normal time, the week before Christmas. Always works, I tried actually looking today, but didn't feel right yet. In the meantime, I'll be rockin' the Itunes Christmas list in the new Ipod and preparing myself for the yuletide fun. Time to wrap it up, busy week ahead and counting down the days till the weekend already. Ahh, life.....gotta love the pace of it all. Peace and blessings....One....

Priorities

2006-11-24T19:07:00.000-08:00

I had another topic to write on today, but recent events require me to lay out some ground rules for what men of substance are seeking in women. Speaking as one who is trying to get right spiritually in order to be a good husband and father one day, I've come to the conclusion on what I need and what is good for a marriage in general.

1) If he doesn't call you, don't call him. Let him pursue you. It's very scary when you're blowing up his phone all day especially when you know he is doing something important. You come off desperate and needy, two things that set up for a bad relationship.

2) We DO love an independent woman. We want a woman that has enough going on that all I am trying to do is to grab a niche in her world. Which leads me to...

3) The man is not your world. He does not complete you, you should be already complete and he desires to complement you and help you in your life, not live it for you.

4) What he says, he means it until he gives you a reason to distrust him. And if he does, he's not worth your time anyway. REALLY LISTEN to what he says!

5) I'll wrap it up with simply this: Luke 12:31. Hit it up....

If you have the ears, then hear....Peace and blessings...One....

hip hop, fam, and life in general....it's all good...

2006-11-22T22:42:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving folks! May you recognize the true blessings that we have around us, not only today, but everyday of your life.

As the title suggests, a lot on my mind. Many new things in my life right now and changes going on that are bring happiness to my soul and positivity to my life so I'm grateful for that. Currently, I'm writing this after spending time with fam here in MD and I just had that moment that I realized, it's such a blessing in a small thing as interacting with close and extended family. It's this link that lies between us that even if we don't see each other that often, we are connected in a way that is predetermined by God himself. It's a beautiful thing. My immediate fam is almost all moved out to Richmond and having them close has me excited. I see the possibility of one day reaching a state of wedded bliss (one of these days, everyone else is beating me to the punch, but I remain patient) and having the family close to be around when I raise my own one day. That support system is so important, to realize where you come from and where you fit into the future of a group of people destined to be related by blood and heart. I hope to keep everyone close and find someone who sees the same importance in family. Gotta love Thanksgiving for bringing this revelation.

Now that I have hopefully moistened a few eyes in the audience, I'd like to speak on my most favorite subjects: H.E.R. For those who see the FB profile status that mentions H.E.R. or S.H.E. and has yet to figure it out, it's based on I Used to Love H.E.R. by Common, but goodness I hope all who read this have heard that classic anthem of my love affair with H.E.R. If not, educate yourself as soon as possible, preferably by hitting me up so I can send you the song, your life will be changed if you are in any way, shape or form a fan or desire to be a fan of the culture. Anyway, back to H.E.R., S.H.E.'s growing with me and it's encouraging. I can see 30 at a close distance coming up on me and I need something that hits me up a little closer to home than "It's goin' down at the mall" because I don't go to the mall except to find some grown man jeans or a button up and I try to remove myself as soon as I find the item. Also, asking if "my chain hangs low, do I swing it to and fro" really doesn't apply. I can't afford a real chain and a fake one would look ridiculous.....matter a fact a real one would look ridiculous. My aim is good credit, real estate, retirement funds, and a family one day, so I need my hip hop to reflect that. I don't really desire to put rims on a car...for what, that gives me more to clean it when I wash it. I need hip hop that speaks to what I face everyday in this world, what I'm trying to get to, and what I've learned in my 28 years of life. I have felt like this "grown man" hip hop has been nailed on the newly released "Kingdom Come" album, by the incomparable Jay-Z. I'm glad to see him hangin' out with the Roots has influenced his rhymes during the "retirement years". He's reflective on this album, new focus, the thirties here and along with it comes new challenges, new learning experiences, and more obstacles to overcome. One of my favorites is Thirtysomething, in that he states that 30 is the new 20. Guess who's got a new anthem in two years? :o) Anywho, glad to see S.H.E. grows with me and hopefully those who continue to make quality in the game allow themselves to age and make music for their generation. These kids today will always have something for us old heads to criticize, but I want to be sure that my heroes stick around......Happy thanksgiving....Peace and blessings....

Priorities, ladies, Priorities

2006-11-19T01:20:00.000-08:00

Wassup, people? Hope this meets you well as always. Now last time, I had hinted that I would drop exclusively on the Joan Morgan talk and I will, however, this covers a greater scope. The talk was inspiring and sobering, realizing how much the culture of rap (not hip-hop, remember there is a huge difference) demeans our women. Suprisingly, many women have embraced the chickenhead mentality with the disastrous example that comes to mind: Flavor of Love. It was truly scary how hood those women got at a moment's notice. When did it become common practice to settle any argument with yelling and then a beatdown complete with weave pulling? Hmmm, let's just say those girls don't make my short list of ideal women. Now my list of qualities we haven't the time for; maybe another time. However, I was inspired tonight by a lovely soul to write on, finding the right man. I've heard a great deal of experiences of different women in my life and I've noticed some disturbing trends. #1 being the fact that they settle quick. As the great MC Common once said: thinkin' we all in love cause we can spend a day together? We talkin' about the rest of our lives, there's too many black women who can say that they mothers, but can't say that they wives.....true and it shouldn't be that way. Being the son of a black woman, I cannot think of anyone who is more qualified to have that strength to run a household well despite what the media says. Is it possible that strength allows them to settle for a man with less?

#2 Romance is a lost art along with courtship. Why is that flowers are no longer bought for surprise occasions? Why do you only see a bouquet on valentine's, birthdays, and when the man screwed up when even these times are becoming rare? Ladies, wassup? I'm not saying it has to be flowers, but it should be something that suggests at some point in the day, he deemed it necessary to brighten your day with a surprise that he put more than 3 seconds thought into.

#3 Ladies, don't get caught up in the moment. Suprisingly, men fall faster, but women fall harder and if you get hooked up in his meteoric drop into Cupid's grasp, then when he realizes that he's got to slow the roll, it will confuse and frustrate you based on his previous actions. Life is a blessing (and occasional curse) in that it is a day to day process, enjoy the ride, embrace it and realize that until there is a general agreement that there is a common goal that you are building to, keep your heart in check.

#4 Make sure you have completely come to a good place with your father before asking for the One. Trust me, trying to make it work with a girl with daddy issues is never fun. I could see a night and day comparison of those girls who had come to terms with their father, good or bad, and those who hadn't. The latter are especially a trap for those men who have a hero complex because they run like rabbits from any potential problem that involves the possibility of the guy leaving. Again, not fun. So make sure if you love your daddy, remind yourself. If you don't, forgive him and give to God. 'Nuff said.

#5 Finally, expect the best. Know that no one is perfect, but make sure he makes the priorities: God-fearing (meaning he loves God more than you), peaceful yet strong in character and integrity, caring, loves himself (can't love anyone before you love yourself), loves his family, has goals that go beyond saving up for a Mercedes M-class, philanthropic, supporting, HONEST, that he can pay for a date and truly not expect anything in return (apparently this one is dying out), respectful (make sure he can open a door for you, another dying art), listens well, has a backbone (if you walk all over him, you can't respect him and if you step out of line, he reminds you that you are) which reminds me....if he ever lays a hand on you, catch a charge *y'all know you what I mean*. There is never an excuse for that.....ever. Hmm, what else....oh, make sure that he likes to make you happy, beyond the 6 mo. honeymoon period. Best way to see that, really see if he wants to know about you, where you've been, where you're going, how you're changing and that he wants to be around to see you continually grow and help you in the process.

That's enough for now, I'm out. Peace and blessings......

bringin' back the GMG moments...

2006-11-16T10:50:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's been a minute. Hope this meets you all well, I've been away for a minute, but in the meantime I've had plenty of inspiration to write about. The more pressing subjects will come later, but right now I'm watching Yung Cheesy's new video, or hip hop blasphemy as I like to call the things they show for 4 min at a time on Black embarrassment Television or More Triflin' Videos. Even as I speak that video is over and what's on? That's right Lil Crappy "Money in the Bank". I realize two things after watching these tragedies, 1) that I was blessed to be able to experience the good days of hip hop before the Man got his hands on it to make money off it and 2) if all that's being pushed in your face is dirt, all you'll appreciate is dirt.

Last night, the BET Hip-Hop (and I use the term very loosely) awards were on last night. I managed to catch one award: h.h. MVP of the year award. Who was up for this prestigious honor? Hmm, let's see, Yung Cheesy, Yung (couldn't hold a true artist's) Joc, Chammillionaire (what does that mean anyway), Lil Wayne (is it me or does he look like he'll always be 15 even when he's 48) and T.I. Of course TI won, but as they saying goes, in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. And the song of the year, It's Goin' Down. That little literary gem probably took a glorious 2 minutes to write, that's what I like in my hip hop, the strong effort in writing. Also, please tell me again why they act like they have more money than they do, we all saw TLC's story and Hammer. We know how us black folk do with money....like the visionary Chris Rock said, we need wealth in the community, not a bunch of ni**as that are rich. Rich is something you can lose in a summer with a drug habit.

All is not lost, however. I had the privelege this week to be surrounded and exposed to some of NC's finest hip hop getting a preview of my boy J-Blaze's album, hearing my boy E.S.T. drop some serious knowledge to beats that are so rich they must be fattening, and coppin' the Minstrel Show, Little Brother's masterpiece. I will say this, I used to talk a whole lot about the South's hip hop scene, but now I realize it's not where you from, it's the sense in your head. If you have none, you'll make garbage, and if you have some and don't use it, it's a sin to sell out so the people who can't pronounce words larger than 2 syllables can listen. Screw 'em I say, let them get hooked on Phonics and learn to read something that might uplift them. I've said my peace. Stay tuned for my recap of the Joan Morgan talk at Duke I attended a couple weeks ago. The author of When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost : My Life as A Hip Hop Feminist, had some good insight and my my my, the finest 41 year old I've ever seen. Mmmm, my sistas know how to age well. Peace and blessings......

Stevie Wonder inspired

2006-11-06T20:36:00.000-08:00

Hello, folks. Decided in the spirit of the Stevie Wonder I've been killin' lately, that I'd post some old verse from way back. I figured it would work best since it's been on my mind lately with the way things are going right now. Enjoy.

Just Be

Sorry, not for the trivial things
But for what strife can bring
For years of disrespect
Your intellect, we were afraid
To glean from and just be
But I’m comforted by your touch
And see you not as much
As a cash machine
But as a queen, fit to marry
And prepare me for what lies ahead
To the marriage bed, I stay true
By the promise on your finger
Not out of necessity, but desire
For a fire that burns until we retire
To the next world, where still our love goes on
To be a provider, fighter
For your honor and integrity
To let our love, let us be
One mind, one heart, one soul
In the hands of our Father
Who guides us in our journey
Of self discovery and let us
Be filled with laughter
And longing for this
Gift of friendship, love and fidelity
To just let us be

dangerous spot

2006-11-02T15:40:00.000-08:00

Wassup readers,

Well after the dreary, hopeless letter I wrote last time, things have gotten better . However, I've realized a new phenomenon that I was not aware of and I'm just learning about myself. I'm wondering if the last chapter in my sad, limited and sometimes bizarre romantic adventure is still subconsiously needing to be dealt with. I'm at a wierd point, I'm loving attention and seeking it with a little too much fervor, yet trying to avoid anything where my heart can get involved. The breakthrough has come in the form of realizing how players are made. The disturbing part is that I'm on the verge of it. Not good. So, solution? I don't know, never been at this point before, probably going to require some soul searching and unfortunately some forgiveness is in order of those who took the heart and ran with it. I'll keep you posted....peace.....

help restore my faith

2006-10-21T23:50:00.000-07:00

Wassup, readers? Hope this finds you well because it's not for me right now. Gotta say now, faith in women is pretty low right now. I'm not going into the details, but let's just say that once again, someone promised something and once again was lying. I used to defend you, ladies, when you said men didn't know what they wanted, lied to get what they do want, and were unsure about who they wanted to be with. Well, guess what, no longer. I've come to the conclusion that too many women are in the same place. I've tried respectful, decent, caring, understanding, romantic, supportive, and honest, but these don't work. A woman is quick to take advantage of this just as fast as a man is of a woman. So what's the use? Ladies, let me know that you're out there somewhere with a clear understanding of what it really takes to have a good man. I'm not complete, but my efforts are there and it's frustrating trying to be something better than that basic human nature but coming across who strive not to exceed that. I'm at a loss....wonder if the monestary is still an option....Peace...

80 things (these lists are addictive)

2006-10-18T19:58:00.000-07:00

80 Things You Might Not Know About Me

80 things you might not know about me.
Erase my answers, fill in your own, and repost.

1. What is your middle name? W***** (only very close people know this)
2. How big is your bed? Queen
3. What are you listening to right now? Robin Thicke "Lost Without U" (get the album, please)
4. What are the last 4 digits in your cellphone number? 3035
5. What was the last thing you ate? Yoghurt and cereal
6. Last person you hugged? C.C.

7. How is the weather right now?
63 degrees and mostly clear (gotta love Weather Channel Desktop)

8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Ernesto my lil brother from another mother

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Teeth/smile

10. Favorite type of food? Sushi

11. Do you want children? Definitely
12. Do you get high? only on Jesus
13. Ever get so drunk you don't remember the entire night?
not so much, that's just scary
14. Hair color? Black
15. Eye color? Brown
16. Do you wear eye contacts? most of the time
17. Favorite holiday? Christmas

18. Favorite Season? Fall
19. Have you ever cried over a girl/boy? Umm, maybe
20. Last Movie you Watched? Butterfly Effect
29. What books are you reading? Heartbreaking work of Staggering Genius and Pilgrim's progress
30. Piercings? None, too straight laced

31. Favorite Movie? Brown Sugar

32. Favorite college football Team? Tennessee go Vols!

33. What were you doing before filling this out? watching TV and catching up on emails

34. Any pets? had several none now :o(

35. AIM? Too much
36. Dogs or cats? Both have their appeal

38. Favorite Flower? Gotta say daffodils

40. Have you ever loved someone? Of course
41. Who would you like to see right now? she knows who she is
43. Have you ever fired a gun? Yes

44. Do you like to travel by plane? Only in the exit aisle, my long legs need room

45. Right-handed or Left-handed? LEFT BABY! 9% of the world son!
46. If you could go to any place right now where would it be? This island meadow in the south pacific I once saw in a national geographic book when I was like 10
48. Are you missing someone? always

49. Do you have a tattoo? No
50. Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings? if I can catch TMNT

51. Are you hiding something from someone? Nope, I'm an open book
52. Are you under 50? yeah, if you're not, you're too daggone old to be writing these answers

53. WHAT IS THE WALLPAPER ON YOUR CELLPHONE? a river in paradise

54. DID YOU GET ENOUGH SLEEP LAST NIGHT? Yes
55. FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THIS MORNING? Dag I gotta go to class...

56. WHAT DO YOU HAVE HANDY AT YOUR BEDSIDE? alarm, lamp, Bible

57. GRILLED OR FRIED? Grilled
59. WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE? I'm a man who's willing to set aside my own desires for His will

60. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
No

61. FAVORITE HANGOUT? hmmm, the house

62. 3 THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT? books, my car, my fam
63. FIRST THING YOU WILL BUY IF GIVEN 1 BILLION DOLLARS?
2 houses one for me and one for my parents
64. FAVORITE SONG? too many to choose but for the moment "You" by Raheem DeVaughn

65. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? wasting time

66. ARE YOU A GIVER OR TAKER? Both
67. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? B, smooth operator, pumpkin head, Boy

68. WHAT IS YOUR DAD'S MIDDLE NAME? William

69. WHATS YOUR MOTHERS MIDDLE NAME? Annette

70. STUCK ON A DESERTED ISLAND & COULD ONLY BRING ONE THING?
The Word
71. FAVORITE T.V. COMMERCIAL? right now it's the oreo pie for Domino's the one with the beard, hilarious
72. WHO'S YOUR CELL PHONE PROVIDER? Verizon
73. FIRST THING YOU'LL SAVE IN A FIRE? my computer
74. Favorite color? Green

75. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS YOU ALWAYS BRING WITH YOU?
wallet, cellie, Palm Pilot
76. WHAT DID YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?
A scientist
77. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY DO WHEN THE CLOCK TURNS?
wonder how much longer will it keep doing that?
78. THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEET? Dark blue
79. WHO DO U WANT TO MEET?
God,Haile Selassie I, my great grandmother
80. What is the last thing you think before going to bed? how much sleep can I get if I go to bed now?

2006-10-18T19:47:00.000-07:00

1. Cigarettes: expensive
2. Sex: huh?
3. Relationship: trying
4. Your Last Ex: lesson
5. Power rangers: gay
7. Crack: Tyrone Biggums
8. Food: weakness
9. The President: when is re-election?
10. War: what is it good for?
11. Cars: Infinity
12. Gas Prices: bananas
13. Halloween: almost my birthday
14. Bon Jovi: wack
15. Religion: taken too seriously and yet missing the point
16. MySpace: addictive
17. Worst fear: heights
18. Marriage: God willing
19. Paris Hilton: waste of money
20. Brunettes: delic
21. Redheads: depends
22: Politics: republicrats different day same ish...
23: Pass the time: reading
24. One night stands: overrated
25: Cell Phone: hate and love it all at once
26: Pet Peeves: the word conversate
27: Pixie Stix: kid crack

28: Vanilla Ice cream:slap a brownie and chocolate syrup you got the best
29: Porta Potties: never
30: High school: most overated time of your life
31. Pajamas: nahhhh
32. Cuddle: heaven
33. Woods: forts
34. Wet Socks: nails on a chalkboard
35. Pictures: the song 3x5 John Mayer

Miss or Mrs. Emcee

2006-10-06T23:22:00.000-07:00

What's up people? Well, personal issues goin' on in the background so all that know how to pray, please do so. As always I stay thinking, so I decided the next entry will be on a recent mound of mind clay: the lady emcee. A newly made freind inspired the thought, her passion being the art of lyricism. Unfortunately, I take a look out there in the game and I see a lack of stellar female emcees out there. I feel disturbed at honestly admitting the only one on top of her game is Lil Kim. Maybe it's a reverse effect, the worse your personal life gets, the better your music gets. The last album was.....whew, this is tough to admit, but really good. Was it on the order of Black Reign by the all time queen of hip hop, Dana Owens, or you may know her as Queen Latifah? Not at all, but I have to give credit where credit is due. Thoughts switch to the Queen and as much as it shows my age, I'm going to say the jazz album she dropped was phat. (Yes, I know, I'm a 50 year old in a 27 year old body, I've accepted it and am comfortable with it.) But even hearing the Queen sing Lush Life, a part of me realizes that I'm aging slowly. The ultimate female royalty of hip hop in my day (even saying that phrase makes me reach for the Geritol) is now singing lounge music and as Q-Tip and Busta asked who can old the torch? No one on the female side in the industry now, but she's out there. Some unsung, 150 bars per minute kind of sista coming with lyrical genius. Where are you, my dear, hurry up and get here.......Peace.....

times we live in

2006-09-16T19:36:00.000-07:00

Hope this post finds you well. I'm stayin' busy livin, which is good. Had to write on what has been on my mind lately, and it's (drumroll) .....suprise, music. Of course, after the drop of the stellar Game Theory by the Roots and Continuum by John Mayer, I've realized both have one major commonality that helps them achieve masterpiece status: they are political and social dissertations. I love that, the conscious effort to inform the world on what is really going on. Then it hit me, why do I have to wait so long between album releases that take place every Tuesday to actually get substance in my music? Why wasn't G.T. promoted more by Def Jam? I hear that Jay-Z has been fired, or he put it stepped down. I love Jigga, but he really dropped the ball on that promotion of that album and I think that deserves a pink slip. Why is it that the majority of garbage coming out about nonsense? Has anyone noticed it's an election year and we're wasting lives and dollars on a war we shouldn't be in in the first place? I'm sorry, I guess I must have missed it when I was buying 24's and hustlin' white to get the range and the iced out grill. As my main man Talib said: These cats drink champagne and toast death and pain like slaves on a ship talkin' bout who's got the flyest chain!

I guess you have to be glad for the small miracles for those who haven't sold their souls to the industry. There is some light in the world still. As always, I have to promote some quality music, make sure you check out the new Joy Denelane, a throwback songstress to the days of action. Also an oldie but goodie I've had in rotation lately: "A change is gonna come" by Sam Cooke, brings tears to the eyes everytime....... Peace and blessings......

2006-09-11T09:00:00.000-07:00

You Are 5: The Investigator

You're independent - and a logical analytical thinker.

You love learning and ideas... and know things no one else does.

Bored by small talk, you refuse to participate in boring conversations.

You are open minded. A visionary. You understand the world and may change it.

What Number Are You?

Daughters

2006-09-11T00:23:00.000-07:00

I've had my fair share of experience with daughters. I think it changes your perspective of how you deal with a woman when you realize she is a daughter of someone. That she grew up from a little girl and that deep down, no matter how old she gets, there is that little girl inside of her. Trusting, innocent, curious about life, pure..... and then the world comes. I would like to thank all the women that have come across my life path and taught me a valuable lesson: that my role as a father to my daughter will be extremely scignificant. I will be her model for every man that comes in her life and how she will view him. As my man Chris Rock once said, "we've all had experience with a woman with some daddy issues, and that ish ain't never fun...." . True, it's not and it breaks my heart everytime I come across another. I'm realizing I can't save the world which is a huge disappointment, but one thing I can do is be the father to my little girl that so many men have failed to do and thus has these girls without any idea of the queens that they are, that they have value, not because they pretty or material things but because they're made by God and that gives them priceless value. So when she comes along, I will make every effort every minute of her life that she deserves all the best in life.

"Fathers, be good to your daughters.....daughters will love like you do."
-John Mayer

2 much 2 soon

2006-07-25T07:56:00.000-07:00

There's a quote in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind that I love where Jim says, "Why do I fall in love with every woman who shows me the slightest bit of attention?" I once was at that place when I was younger, but now that I have a lil experience, I've realized something that stems from the same feeling. I know a guy in this situation. Fell hard for somebody, in his mind had made her out to be everything he wanted and I told him to take it slow, realize everything about her, that chemicals work fast, but he was confident that she was the one. Now he has doubts, not that he's told me, rather he asks questions about how a relationship should be: how different can she be from me, do I want someone to be just like me or just someone I can relate to, am I comparing her to my ex too much. For all those out there, don't show your cards too soon like my man and wait until the endorphines wear off and truly see what she can offer you and what you can offer her. Now, he has to deal with having her heart and he's not completely sure if he wants the responsiblity. There's an African proverb: Before marriage, keep both eyes open, after marriage, keep one eye closed. Leave it to the motherland to bring true wisdom. Peace..........

I used to love H.E.R. .......

2006-07-20T22:18:00.000-07:00

I had every intention of doing another subject earlier today that was one of my true GMG subject. However, after reading the wonderful okayplayer.com (free advertising) and the subject of hip hop being dead, brought me back to my favorite hip hop song of all time, hence the title of the post.

"I met this girl when I was ten years old...."

One of the greatest movies ever started with the greatest line ever, " So when did you fall in love with hip-hop?" Hmmm, a difficult question. I unfortunately did not get into hip hop until after the corporate world got a strangle hold on H.E.R. when they saw fit to curse the world with Hammer pants and Ice Ice Baby. Originally, Baby Got Back and Oochie Coochie La La (10 bucks for the one who tells me who did the second song) were the songs of the day, but true hip-hop, I fell in love with H.E.R. from hearing Digital Underground, my first exposure to true hip hop. Then the affection grew to obsession, I began catching stronger feelings as I searched through the history, immersed myself in the four tenets, researched the innovators, and most importantly soaked up every note of LL, Run-DMC, Grandmaster Flash and The Furious Five, UTFO, KRS-One, MC Shan, Beastie Boys, Kool Moe Dee, Rakim, Fat Boys, Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff, and so many others.

"About my people she was teaching me, but not preaching to me, but speaking to me in a method that leisurely...."

Arrested Development dropped, my first album that I bought, before it was listening to my freind's tapes. But I bought there's, it spoke to me, taught me about the culture and the world, gave me a conscience and inspired me to write for the number one reasons all lyricists and poets should write, to change the world throught written word. Never condescending, just matter of factly telling me why I should make the most of my life, find the purpose why God put me here....

" But then she broke to the west coast and that was cool cause the same time I went away to school..."

When I was in my first year of high school, the Chronic dropped. Changed the whole scene, the anger of black folks came out, it was talking about living a life that despite the parties, weed and booze, life was always about to end the next minute from a bullet in the back and all with the some of the best beats produced to this day. NWA had already stomped on the scene talking about sawed offs and Ice T had already mentioned his displeasure with the local authorities and how he'd like to change their living status, but this was different. This was a switch of power from the land of orginators to the land of innovators. Was something gained? Definitely. Was something lost? Definitely. S.H.E. lost innocence, S.H.E. grew up, S.H.E. got bitter. I hadn't realized it at the time, but I'd never have H.E.R. back the same way as before, but like your childhood sweetheart, S.H.E. left me with sweet memories but with an uncertain future.

"Talkin' about poppin' glocks, servin' rocks, and hittin' switches, Now she's a gangsta, rollin' with gangsta bitches...."

We all wanted to roll and throw dubs and talk about shootin' when we had no guns. Then, S.H.E. got repetitive, a one track mind, nothing new was coming. It was easier to market killing each other because that's all we'd seen for 300 years, violence against us by others and ourselves. There were a few out there dropping knowledge: Tribe, De La, Outkast, Common was on the scene reppin' the Chi, Nas showed great promise, 2Pac was telling about the problems without glory or praise just the sad facts, and a young cat named Chris Wallace was spitting like he was born to spit. However, the innovators and the originators would soon become insecure and jealous of the other, like a marriage built with no foundation.

"Stressing how hardcore and real she is, She was really the realest, before she got into showbiz I did her, not just to say that I did it, But I'm committed, but so many ni**as hit it"

S.H.E. became a whore, had been with too many cats who had no respect nor any knowledge of how to treat H.E.R. They pimped H.E.R. out to make money, instead of treating H.E.R. like the queen S.H.E. was entitled to be. Whoo bangin' was in effect, Suge Knight, satan himself, grasped his cold claws on it and strangled the life and poured in death and so many drank. (RIP Pac and Big...) On top of that, others decided to throw money around in videos and tell us that all of life came down to money, power and respect. To hell with love life and happiness. S.H.E. had met with some rough johns that worked H.E.R. over something terrible and S.H.E. was on life support. S.H.E. was taken in and kept alive by those such as Mos Def and Talib, but at a loss as groups like the Tribe soon stepped off the scene. And the dirty south came on the scene with clowns with no origination except they had a different sound in the music, but the rhymes were elementary at best. But for every Master P, a Goodie Mob was showing that all in the south were not lost and were bringing amazing creations to the table.

"That she's just not the same letting all these groupies do her, I see ni**as slammin' her, and takin' her to the sewer, But I'm a take her back hoping that the sh** stop, Cause who I'm talking bout y'all is Hip Hop"

Now there are alot of clowns out there "In Da Club" and "Leanin' wit it" and making dances to go with rhymes. There was a time for that when S.H.E. was innocent, but now that's gone, at most S.H.E. is a female who has been rode hard and put away wet, but has shown a glimmer of wisdom from learning from the mistakes. Despite hearing that Nelly continues to make music, there is the comfort in knowing that the Roots are dropping one next month. Everytime I hear someone "Ridin' Dirty" , it's nice to know that Common will soon be dropping a new knowledge. When I hear "Snap Yo Fingas" is at the top of the charts, a sharp pain hits me that is only soothed by the hope I put into the rumor that Black Star will be droppin another one. I will always take H.E.R. back. Is Hip Hop Dead? No, S.H.E.'s on life support. I used to love H.E.R..... still do....and always will...... Peace and love.....

Generation X vs. Generation Y

2006-07-19T18:58:00.000-07:00

What is up, GMG fans? Hope this blog finds you well. What's been rolling around in my mind? Hmmm, my generation. Why has this come up? Well it rolled in sometime ago at a time when I was trying to determine the difference between those who love Mary J.'s "My Life" album or even "What's the 411" and those who love "Share My World". Being the science nerd that I am (thank God for good genes so I can hide it somewhat) I started to see a difference in those who chose between the three albums, mainly age. So, I thought hmm, it's my generation that loves the "My Life" then I thought, what is my generation? So I checked the WWW and found that my gen. is the Gen. X. For those who don't know, that's those born between 1961 and 1981. What's the genius label for those born from '82-03? Why Gen. Y of course. Gen x'ers are the "latchkey generation" which is so true, many of us came home to empty houses, the first generation to do so so we're "skeptical and non-committal" when it comes to jobs. Hmm, I've had many jobs, one career and starting a new one....maybe non-comittal? However, we were the first with home video games and PC's so that means we're technologically savvy. Might I add to there description that we invented hip hop, the most bestest (yes English whizzes, I know that's not no good grammar) invention in the past thirty years. We grew up on Facts of Life, Cosby Show, Gimme a Break, Who's the Boss, Three's Company, Good Times, What's happenin' now, Family Ties, need I go on? We saw the Berlin wall fall, end of communism, The Americans beat the Russians in the best upset in sports history, not just hockey history. We're responsible for the internet boom ( so it didn't last, at least it started), breakdancing, new wave, grunge, yuppies (well, actually they were bad), gangsta rap, and some of the best cartoons of all time. Need I say more why we're the greatest generation of all time.

Now to Gen Y, hmmm, what have you done..... you've kind of had everything handed to you, in all honesty, I haven't seen any innovation in music from your group, more of the return to crappy pop (thank you N'Sync, Brittany Spears and Destiny's Child) and I haven't seen anything really that your gen can claim. I'm not a gen warrior or tryin' to come down on the Y'ers, I mean my sister is one, many of my favorite students, and the love of my life are all Y'ers. So, I hold out, but I find it disturbing the lack of knowledge that their generation contains, old school to them is the early 90's. Why is there a general lack of knowledge by today's rappers about the early cats, the ones who laid the foundation. Why do they know nothing that happened in the 80's, it was only 20 years ago for God sakes! I guess, this comes down to me sounding a tad preachy, but Generation Y, to make your mark, know what's already been done so that you can do something that's never been done before, make yourself memorable...... peace and love.......

Faithful to the end (nothing but love for Common)

2006-07-10T20:32:00.000-07:00

Hmm, GMG moment that also involves a lil praise for my main man, Common and those of you taking care of home. The GMG moment comes in to play with a reading of today's article. Being a physics nerd, gotta give props to Einstein, if you ask any random homeless man on the street clutching a botttle of ripple, who was the greatest physicist ever and he'll surely answer Einstein or he'll say he has to go to the circus to feed the monkeys, depending on his mental stability. So the article described letters released my his daughter at his university, well post mortem anyway. In them, he basically described his relationship with the women around him when he traveled lecturing in Europe, describing them as "freinds." It has been confirmed that they were mistresses while he was married twice, the second time to his cousin for convenience. Besides the obvious gross incest factor, the fidelity factor is disappointing. Is it me, or does it take alot from a man's accomplishments once you find out he couldn't remain faithful to the woman he pledged his life? I mean the man won a nobel prize for the photoelectric effect (big deal in physics world quantized energy....woohoo....God, where is my pocket protector) and the theory of relativity and yet he can't decide that hey, I'm gonna keep my little brain in my pants and think with the big one and decide that I'll only love my wife. So now it's been decided that the ultimate accomplishment of any man on this planet to take care of his wife and love her, love his kids and raise them how to be a contributor to society, and to make the world a better place in some way, shape, form or fashion. Peace and blessings.....

2006-07-08T19:45:00.000-07:00

It's been a while, I know, not a great deal has been grinding my gears as of late. Finished my first year of grad school, almost done with an internship that was a great experience, and have someone back in my life that is very special and makes me immensely happy. So I know, to my GMG fans, sounds perfect, perfectly boring. Well, shut up and be happy for me. If you do, I'll lay out my latest GMG subject: men. Now I don't want to pull an Oprah moment and bash all my fellow brothers, there are many taking care of home, my boy the Reverend a classic example. However, there's still too many who can't get it together. I grow tired of hearing stories of men who commit after they lose a good thing when they did nothing but dirt during they're time at bat. Sometimes we have to realize that we've struck out, we did a half-ass job at making something work, and we failed. It's difficult in a nation full of average people, B and C students, to realize that average effort doesn't get the results we desire. Wake up out there fellas, there's always someone who can love them better, so make sure you're on point, otherwise you may the immortal words of LL from another: "when you hit it tonight, I hope she scream my name right...." Cherish her love. Peace....

why did the raccoon cross the road?

2006-04-08T03:06:00.000-07:00

For those of you who know me, know what took place this Friday and I must say it was a great time. I hope to look forward to more posts with post-day enjoyment with good company. However, a grind my gears moment in true fashion is referenced to my title for this post. The answer: to make me feel guilty for killing something and to bless my tires with brain matter. Thanks raccoon, why don't they realize that cars are little faster and bigger than they are? Very irritating to hold the death of a creature on you because of course unintentional killing is so unexpected that you feel that you should feel complete sorrow but you don't want to at the time because you're enjoying the moment. It's almost as if the event requires you to be somber when you don't want to. So for raccoons reading this piece, please stay of the road and stick to raiding garbage cans. I can't take this irrational guilt any longer.

2006-04-03T14:10:00.000-07:00

I have to be completely honest. There is a mistress that I slave for. I can't live without her from one moment to the next. At night she lays beside giving me comfort and courage to face the next day. I take her almost everywhere and where I don't take her, I talk only about her and all she does for me. This mystery woman's name: Apple Ipod, or AI as I like to call her. Today, she broke my heart. She managed to go beserk on me and then inform me that the relationship we had before where I was able to enjoy her music had ceased. At the moment, I'm rescued by a loaner from the OT office from champus and I'm enduring the long process of putting my 3000 songs on it. Ooooh, fun. I think I'm addicted to this thing.... aww well, gotta be addicted to the somethin'. It's the American way. Peace and blessings....

P.S. For the remote possibility that someone is reading this, I had to add something to see if anyone relates. Is there a better thing to wake up to in the morning than gentle rumble of thunder? I'm a big fan of thunderstorms anyway, but if it's in the morning, it's almost as if the sound reminds you that you're in a soft warm bed and that outside the elements are doing their thing....just something comforting in that. Just for anyone that can relate. Now for real P & B....

growing up into a kid

2006-04-02T21:44:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gents, I hope this blog finds you well. Today was a reminiscing day. To reflect on how experience, or rather learning from experiences really does give you wisdom. About a month ago, I had read some old journals from back in undergrad from about 8-10 years ago. Crap, I just showed my age. Anywho, it was interesting to realize that I've done some growing. Mentality of the 19 year old me was very different from now. Was anyone else girl crazy at that time? I sure was. The biggest thing that changed for me, sounds cliche, but here it is: see through the eyes of the next man or woman. This becomes easier with experience. Leads me to my grind my gears statement for the day. People who can't connect pain of being mistreated by others to the same pain they inflict on others. How people can't connect those is beyond me. It tooke a while, but I figured it out. Everytime I screwed someone else in the past, came back on me tenfold. Probably make little difference now, but to all those in high school/college that I hurt in some way, my deepest apologies and know that it came back on me afterward within the past four years. But I came out a better man. I just finished my job of working with kids for the past three weeks and you learn so much by watching them. I saw pain inflicted by kids who had felt it themselves whether by other kids or in their home life. But the breath of fresh air came in those children who showed the genuine kindness and reminded me of that song by Earth Wind and Fire: "a child is born with a heart of gold, but they way of the world, makes his heart grow cold." My heart had been cold a while, but it's thawing and pray that those kids with genuine golden hearts never lose that. This world is weary enough with pain, we need those who seek to lift others up. Peace, love and blessings of Elohim for you and yours....

tribute albums, worst idea ever?

2006-02-26T16:50:00.000-08:00

In the inagural post of my position on life, I decide to start with on of my more treasured subjects: music. I was recently given (burdened) with a tribute CD album to the late, great, sometimes overweight Luther Vandross. Lo and behold, pop it into the stereo and my ears began to bleed. I proceeded to quickly scan all the songs as so called fans of Luther Vandross in the R&B world proceeded to try and fail miserably to recreate the magic of his songs. Whoever thought of this idea should be begging for change on the corner of 5th and Broadway. Why would I, or anyone for that matter take these classics like "Bad Boy (Havin' a Party)" or "Any Love" and have some low rent pop singer (hardly any real R&B left) and have them butcher his masterpieces? Even though half the songs that Luther sang were written for others, his voice made them his own. After hearing this "tribute" album, I think they're now even more his. You wanna do a tribute to Luther? Then have all in the buisness vow to never touch his songs. Now, I'm going to go pop in "Searchin" and remember the good times. RIP Mr. Vandross. Peace!